Comments on: What Happened To Courting?

By: Telson7

Telson7 — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 17:08:00 +0000

Are you looking for a spouse? Have you been trying to find a suitable companion for yourself but do not know what kind of a person would be suitable for you or what to look for in a suitable spouse?
We are going to deal with this issue, since it is one of the most important things in life, right after a person’s relationship with God and finding eternal life. We will try to show what things are important in a relationship and what one should look for in a spouse. These points are probably already familiar to many readers; nevertheless, they are worth repeating.

http://www.jariiivanainen.net/how_you_can_find_suitable_spouse.html

By: sistah1

sistah1 — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 11:01:49 +0000

That’s such a sweet story about your parents. I personally try to keep guys I’m interested in from “dating” on my sofa, but the next time a guy does suggest a movie night at my crib, I’m gonna ask him to wear a suit.

http://singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/2009/09/08/take-the-home-out-of-the-boy/
.-= sistah1´s last blog ..Stop Trying to Change the Game =-.

By: Real Men are STILL HERE

Real Men are STILL HERE — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:57:33 +0000

Ms. P and ToBeHonest do you all believe in the old saying that it takes 2 to make everything alright? If so then I think that it is also fair to say that it takes 2 to make everything go wrong. I am a man in my early 30′s and I was raised in traditional household and I can say that the values instilled in me as far as courting goes I would say are very commendable albeit I never went over any young ladies house to watch a movie with her while her parents were home with a suit on. I disagree that women in general have lowered their standards BUT I will agree that some women may have lowered their standards. I can’t tell you how many women I meet day to day that don’t know how to appreciate being courted. As a man if I am doing my part then you as a woman have to do yours. If I am bending over backwards to open the door for you and help you put on your jacket or coat and holding the umbrella over your head in the rain while I get wet then your part is to APPRECIATE it. I feel that a lot of women have lost that APPRECIATION for the things that a man goes through and does to court them. You have some women who cant say THANK YOU when you do nice things for them AND even some women who either don’t want to OR don’t know how to let a man know that the things that he is doing to court her are appreciated. I also feel as though the art of “COURTING” has been lost in a time when so many young women are being raised to believe that the man with the most money in his pocket at the time is the right one for them versus the man with the morals and values and the understanding of what it means to “COURT” a woman. As I have not dated “Every girl in the world” as Lil wayne puts it I have dated more than my fair share and not until recently have I come across a woman who was raised under the same traditional upbringing umbrella as myself and so “COURTING” was mutually understood and acceptable between the two of us. She didnt care about how much money was in my pocket or what kind of car I was driving. She was more interested in truly getting to know me for who I am and it was my job to build up her faith, trust, and confidence in me via “COURTING” and establishing a “TRUE” friendship to see whether or not we were compatible for one another. I’m not talking about the 1 to 2 month quickie friendships that a lot of people say that they have established before pursuing a more intimate and in-depth relationship.

So to Ms. P and ToBeHonest dont be soo quick to put it on women lowering their standards because it takes 2 to make everything go right.

By: {Ms. P}

{Ms. P} — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:18:35 +0000

@ToBeHonest: Sad, but true…

By: Anna

Anna — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:23:43 +0000

Super great comments and once again Tara this was a great post. To sum it up in my thinkging is that : women do forget about the power we hold as lovers, wives, mothers, care takers and just simply to enjoy being a woman: Most men(real men) don’t mind being called out by their girl/woman/wife when we think they are not doing their job when it comes to “chivery” (sp). There is nothing wrong with reminding somebody that they are not doing their “J O B!). My hubby said that he could do better and I think we both forgot about him not opening the door for me to exit the car. Great LOL moments for us to remember that we forgot. Of course until this post.

By: T. Rogers

T. Rogers — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:36:48 +0000

As a man, I wholeheartedly agree that women need to raise the bar.

But there is an underlying element here I want to touch on. Men did court women more back in the day. But there were things implied in that “old school” courtship. Men usually courted women who were fairly inexperienced sexually and romantically. That usually was part of the deal. Part of the willingness to put in so much effort came from the man’s desire to be with a woman he deemed fairly virtuous.

Nowadays, sexual attitudes have changed drastically. Women are more empowered sexually and will exercise their right to satisfy themselves as they see fit. That changes the game A LOT. Many men will not feel the need to court a woman if he believes other men have not had to put in as much effort for the same woman.

Old school courtship goes hand in hand with old school ideas of gender roles in the minds of most men. But sex is no longer a reward for waiting. It is simply currency exchanged between two parties for temporary personal pleasure. In effect, the power women had to demand courtship was sex. Now that sex flows more freely old school courtship becomes harder to find. Granted, I am speaking in a general sense. Individual women will handle dating and courting differently. But the overall attitude of our society when it comes to women and sex has played a significant role in putting real courtship on the road to extinction.

Courtship isn’t dead. People are just trying to figure out how to proceed. When a man finds a woman valuable to him he will court her. Period. The thing is in our modern, wishy-washy society “valuable” means a million different things to a million different people. Women need to set the tone on what they will tolerate. That can cut down on a lot of the BS. But if a woman actually wants to be courted it would be a good idea to take the time to get into the heads of men and see what we consider valuable in a woman. We have been adjusting to you all since the beginning of time. However, changes in gender roles are now making it important for you all to adjust to us a little. And that’s a good thing. It helps bring us together.

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:45:39 +0000

I found your article very interesting being a british ethiopian, dating in our culure and most african families is a modern concept. For them dating is strictly testing if that person is marriage material. Africans try and marry people from their own tribes as tribe mixing is frowned on and most couples split due to intefering in laws in clannish disbutes. Most girls are thought by their family esp mothers what kind of guys to avoid and who to marry. The problem is these teachings are no longer passed to most girls in western countries due to family breakdowns etc. What you see is girls who do not bargain and settle and carry babies in a desprate attempt to trap a guy sigh never works, girls often choose the wrong men and follow their emotions rather than practical advice. The skill of making a man to love you and having the power over a man is lost. The old grandmothers have more skill and knowledge to run a family but the young generation do not learn from the wise old they think they know it all and when a marriage crises occurs they to busy telling their girlfriends rather than mother. Rule number 1 a girl must never expose her relationship problems. Smart women have always through history controlled the relationships, modern foolish women let it control them

By: Mrs. White is ALWAYS RIGHT

Mrs. White is ALWAYS RIGHT — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:09:54 +0000

I am also in complete agreeance that women have lowered the bar. But I think a lot of that has to do with parents getting younger and younger. If you weren’t shown something as a child, the odds are slim that you will pass certain things down to your own children.
The whole concept of dating has changed and to a high degree, it irks me. I hate to see guys pull up to a girls house, honk the horn and the girl comes running out! But is it the girls fault? In some cases it might be, but odds are she was never taught how a man should treat her. And from there it just goes down hill.
It all starts with parenting. And I’m going to do everything in my power to bring some things back through my children. Chivilary is not dead…it’s just taking a nap

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:20:31 +0000

I totally agree. Women lowered the bar but we have a great opportunity to raise it again. Men are only allowed to do or not do because we allow it. Men these days don’t have to do anything to have sex with a woman. They don’t have to court her, take her out, call her, or even be nice to her. Women are sacred and we need to let men know that by setting clear and healthy boundaries with them and letting them know that we are not toys to be played with. If more women do, men would have no choice except to rise to the occasion.

By: Anna

Anna — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:18:18 +0000

ToBeHonest said:
Women lowered the bar. Enough said.
~~~~~~~~~
So ture and I personally forgot about that until last week when I was watching GMA and Steve Harvey was on saying how he had to play if off when he met his current wife. She was waiting at her side of the car door and he was already in the car. He hurried up and got out and played like he forgot something in the trunk and went and opened her door. He said women stopped expecting. I told my husband about what Steve said and that I wanted and expected him to open my car door as he use to(he always opens other doors). While getting out of the car Sunday hubby opened my car door. I thought I had his left overs and he was going to carry them in the house. I had forgot the converstation hubby and I had just a few days prior. Now I have to remember what I expect so I don’t look surprised when he opens my door. My kids courted and their bf/gf would come over for dinner, or to watch a movie or sports. They don’t show up with a suit and tie on but they don’t show up with doo-rags and saggy pants.
Great post Tara.