Comments on: A Girl Like Me

By: miss_kay_

miss_kay_ — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:40:50 +0000

well this is an interesting article that caught my eye @ work. i’m young, just like a baby, only just now turning 21. i wasn’t even legal to drink yet before i was getting abused. i’ve been in / out of abusive relationships and i feel for the young women;especially African American women who go through the b.s. w/ their “significant other.” i ask myself every morning is it worth it? my scars hide my beauty, but honestly i just smile because whether you moap….its NOT GOING TO CHANGE UNLESS YOU PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! what…???SCARED TO? its cool. i’ve been there, matter of fact still there.. I love my b/f dont get me wrong, but yes we do fight. When i finally put my foot down and hit his @$$ back, i mean w/ all my strength, he finally realized that i’m through w/ da bull shit.. ppl say 1nce a man hits you, it can only get worse; which is in fact true, but if you think you can deal with that(which you shouldn’t have 2) then by all means, hey do you..but heads up! it will get worse..till’this day im still trying 2 better this relationship…Just thought the young women wanted to hear a voice from someone who knows feels and actually experiencing the same thing..

By: AD

AD — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 05:52:38 +0000

@Aja 9:25pm

Unfortunately I’m not surprised. Our community is so desperate to protect our men that we will constantly throw our women “under the bus”. I truly believe that women who justify this type of behaviour think it can never happen to them because they “would never do what she did”. However, domestic violence is about the attacker not the victim. If Chris Brown does not get some serious help he will do it again.

I witnessed domestic violence firsthand as a child and there is never any justification for it. I don’t care how easily someone bruises, I don’t care if there was a slap. The level of physical violence inflicted on Rhianna is NEVER justified. If she decided to give an interview around the timing of her album release SO WHAT? No one seemed to care about Chris Brown going on Larry King. *Sigh*, it’s just sad that women actually defend this behaviour.

By: 2Unique4U

2Unique4U — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:48:59 +0000

Donielle,

I totally agree with you, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST ANYONE is WRONG. Oh cares about the celebrity status of Chris & Rihana, there are 3-sides to every story, his side, her side & the truth, and we will NEVER know the truth. If I put my hands on ANYONE violently, why should I feel that they won’t react the same. We ALL need to learn how to treat people with love, kindness and the respect we all deserve. Life is TOO SHORT.

By: Aja

Aja — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:25:53 +0000

This post has become exactly what I didn’t want it to, another place for people to debate the facts and find reasons to discuss Rihanna’s character and why that could have made her a good domestic violence candidate. We do not know the facts beyond what has been discussed in public so why is it necessary to speculate beyond that to create our own version of what happened to justify domestic violence. It amazes me that as Black women we are not able to say that domestic violence is wrong and move on, rather than spend time making charachter judgements. If we are so easily able to make justifications for this type of behavior publicly, it’s no wonder that so many women are able to come up with reasons in their own mind as to why to stay in a violent relationship.

By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 03:54:55 +0000

AB said:
Hi,

Thanks for the article. I am still amazed about how people feel that Rihanna did something to provoke Chris. Who deserves that type of beatdown?
~~~~~~
Hey/Hi back at you. No one deserves that type of beatdown. I am not being mean but did you hear or read that she had his cell phone and some chick sent a text, and that is what set her off? It does not matter if she hit him first or tried to defend herself. TMZ leaked pics of her battered face. I am bright/light like Rhi and we do bruise easily. Where is a mug shot of Chris, where is his war wound pics? I will never condone what happened in that car that night, but I do think that it was a mutual fight. It was not the first fight but it was the last fight. I don’t have a problem with both of them continuning their careers. I also do not think that these kids are done being together, even though everyone knows their story telling. I have been there and I have done that/accepted and when I was in my early 20′s went through more things than she did. I still have scars that not only I can see but anyone can see (on my face). I think I carry more emotional scars than I do the noticable ones.

By: AB

AB — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:37:44 +0000

Hi,

Thanks for the article. I am still amazed about how people feel that Rihanna did something to provoke Chris. Who deserves that type of beatdown? Was anyone there? I’m from DC and when this aired on a radio segment, women were calling in blaming Rihanna. You would think Chris was their brother or close friend. I don’t know what happened that night and I don’t care about the details. Obviously, she was assaulted and Chris was penalized for his role. I just wish people would stop with the assumptions and see this as an example to talk to our young girls and boys. There are little girls out that that think it’s ok to get hit by their boyfriends. These are girls that will not ask for help because they know society will look down on them and think they did something to provoke a beating from their boyfriend. i also know that abuse can come from both ends. There are men that are abuse by women. So, I’m not saying that is ok. I just don’t think it’s fair to make assumptions or start rumors.

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:42:47 +0000

@ African American Mom.
The timing was “timed”. You can’t tell someone who has been in a DV realtionship when to tell their story, but when you’re a celeb the rules (timing) are different. Her interview did not want me to go out and buy her music. To me in the interview she looked uncomfortable talking about it. If you ask me she is not a role model but telling her story has it’s purpose and that’s to have a face(a celeb) for anyone in a DV relationhip to wake up. Some ppl don’t call what she went through DV, I understand that. I think it was just a toxic abusive relationship that they both played a part in. She admitted hitting her brother over the head with a bottle and Chris witnessed physical abuse in his home with his mom and stepdad. I can see why they became attracted to each other but we need to break this vicious cycle. I never thought that Rih was a innocent bystander. If you can hit your sibling because you are mad, you will hit anybody. I hope they both get counseling and take anger management classes. I still think that she provoked him, but he had no right to hit her. I am just glad that they are both talking about it. I believe that Rih hit him first and he just clocked. I also believe that he did not and will not say that she hit him first and he hit back to make him look like less of a punk. They have their careers at stake and we all know there is more to this story.

By: African American Mom

African American Mom — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:07:13 +0000

I don’t buy Rihanna’s whole interview. Why is she speaking out now? Could it be because she has a new album to sell? I watched the whole interview and I didn’t feel her pain. She was emotionless to me and when she spoke on setting a good example for girls and how going back to Chris was saying it was okay, just struck a cord in me. since when has she been settign an example for young girls? What does she openly do besides sing half naked?

Now don’t get me wrong, I like Rihanna and her music but let’s not go calling our selves a role models in one area of our life but not a role model in other areas. That is like saying “watch me drink alcohol but don’t watch me do drugs.” Are they not both questionable? There is a lot of responsibility when you say you ae doing the right thing because people are watching. You need to remember to they are not watching that one move but all your moves.

I am glad she spoke out about domestic abuse but had it not been so conveniently around the time of a new album dropping I might pay it more attention.

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:57:49 +0000

Sorry I didn’t read all the comments. This was one of the first “clubs” I found myself in that coinsided with “The Mommy Club”. The mental abuse started before the kids arrived, the physial after. Not a club I am proud to be apart of but just glad it’s not apart of my life anymore. Why don’t we get out sooner many ask and when you are in it you ask yourself that question a thousand times a day. The answer is love, the kids, finances, fear and afraid to know you failed in a relationship(and everyone else will also know). You desperately try to make it work to keep the family intact and the shame/stigma that follows is so powerful because when you also know someone who went through it you choose to keep your secret because no one wants to be judged. I was like Rhianna, you don’t want to let anyone know the person you fell in love with physically abuses you. It is embarassing and I thought it was a staple of my own character of who I chose as a mate and had kids with. I am not that scared little girl any more. Rhi and Chris had something I didn’t. They don’t have kids together, they have money (to part and still pay the bills)they have fame and fans. Hubby and I did watch her interview and before it started hubby thought she was going to throw him under the bus. She said what she needed to say to get it off her chest. It was a emotional inteview for me to watch and hubby was understanding of her interview but did talk about her legs. LOL. It does not matter how beautiful you look on the outside when your spirit is broken you do lose apart of YOU. It is so hard to put on a brave face each day when going through something that you want to keep private. I commend both of them and I am team both. I am not and never have been a fan of either of them but when things are thrown in your face(media) 24/7 we do want “The Rest Of The Story”. I in my heart know that they still love each other but to give CPR on their careers have to remain apart. My gut tells me that they are not done with each other no matter what they say or don’t say.

By: busybodyk

busybodyk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:55:20 +0000

Aja, Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you went through that. I don’t come from a background where I saw any domestic violence but I know that no woman deserves to be hurt physically or emotionally by a man. As a community we should support any woman who is going or has gone through this. It is okay not to be a “ride or die chick”.