The Attraction Factor

This was funny but true. Besides the whole teeth thing (how many older folks do you know who have dentures? A ton!) there’s the weight thing, the hair thing, the skin thing. Stay married long enough and you will change.

It always tickles me when I see couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years and look at their wedding photos and what they look like now. It’s amazing the difference you can see. Skin has lost a bit of its luster, wrinkles have set in, hair is a little thinner, that taut six-pack is more like a 2-liter, etc. But under all the changes, I can still see “them.” Obviously they remember what they used to look like but the bonds they’ve forged over time are stronger than any “Dang, honey why don’t you use some anti-aging cream?” thoughts. Either that, or the changes happened so slowly that it snuck up on them. LOL.

Good one.

Its rare that people think that far ahead (which may not be that far ahead, really). Some are usually too busy thinking about the “here & now”.

Aja,

Thanks for tackling this topic. Most of us must honestly admit that physical attraction was at the heart of our initial interest in our mates. As time passes — and children come along, eating habits change, and many of us become couch potatoes — the physical characteristics change. While it would be very special if we could maintain that youthful look, aging doesn’t allow that option.

All of us quickly learn in the early years of our marriage that there is much more to love when the entire relationship is considered. was asked by a young man once, “How do you stay attracted to the same person for 25 years?” This was following our 25th anniversary.

I told him that my wife was not the same person I married 25 years earlier. She had grown and matured into a much more attractive person 25 years later. Her physical appearance — and mine — had changed, but we had invested our future in helping each other to become the very best person the other could be — until death parted us. So, I was much more attracted to the mother, wife, homemaker, companion, community volunteer, wise counselor, and supporter of others that my wife had become.

Now, after 43 years of marriage, I can add grandmother, marathon runner, and sexy 60 something to the list. I can affirm that the “Attraction Factor” is a function of mutual investment in each other.

Roger Madison

@Mr. Masison
You put it very well.

That’s funny! I love the picture for this article as well… James always tells me he loves me because I have all of my teeth. I wonder what would happen if I lose a tooth?

Ok, this was hilarious and the picture – LOL! but I agree very true. I think most grown folks know that their spouse is not going to look the same as we did in our 20′s. I think it’s the extreme that might not be as appealing, everyone gains weight or may lose hair, etc., but sometimes how you “carry it” can make a difference as well…however permanent “missing” teeth in the front of your mouth is not cute – no matter who you are – love ain’t that blind. But on a serious side note, I’ll take a few missing teeth or weight gain or any other cosmetic “fix” over something more serious any day cause in the big scheme it’s not that serious.

Very good topic to make you think…

This reminds me how imperative it is to know and love the soul of your partner. I’ve been married less than 30days, but I’m way different from the 19yr old girl he met in college (and slightly is he). But it’s empowering for me to feel his attraction to a image I do nothing but complain about. But, it’s because he loves me! Now, would he love less? Of course! Lol…but knowing he stuck around when he didn’t have to and loved it enough to commit his life to it is an amazing feeling Thx for the marital wisdom and encouragement…

I believe that as your love for one another grows it goes way past physical features and you are attracted to the person not just the face/ body.  That does not mean we should ‘let ourselves go’ or not seek to please our spouses with our appearance (I’m talking to both men and women here),  but we should be seeing more than that when we look at our spouse.  Also Proverbs 5 tells us we should always be intoxicated be the wife of our youth (see esp. v. 18-20).  I would say if you stop being attracted to your spouse for some reason, then that should be a red flag that causes you both to get to work on building unity!