When it comes to role models, they often are not what they appear to be from afar. The best way to share your bliss with others is to do so on a very specific basis. There may be a couples you go out with to jazz or sports, another which shares a professional connection, and another older couple who attends your church. So, you have dinner friends, church friends, and professional friends. In each case, the advice you would ask and share would be different. My recommendation is to keep your privacy sacred, and limit the access to your relationship to positive contributions that you may have in common.

Role models are for observation and consideration only. Some matters require professional counseling, and you should recognize when the help you need goes beyond friends. Don’t dump your problems on your friends, and don’t let them do the same with you.

This approach has served us well for 43 years of marriage.

My husband and I are very supportive to our married friends. My husband grew up with a group of guys who have been friends since they were in elementary school (over 20 years). Over the last 8 years we’ve all been to each others weddings and even though we don’t live in the same area we’ve been a big support to each other. We’re like family. Just this last summer we went to the last wedding of the group and while we were happy to welcome the newest couple into the fold we were sad that we would miss getting together every year for someone’s wedding. Now we’re planning to have an annual summer trip so we can get together. I couldn’t resist sharing this pic of the guys showing off their ring fingers at the last wedding: http://tinypic.com/m/6h0xme/3

Thanks Harriet & Btrfly, it is a must that we surround ourselves with people who truly believe in marriage.

@Stacee, Tara & Aja, I am with you all, we have to be really careful who we share things with about our marriage. Aja, that’s true, people in bad marriages can be a whole lot worse than the single folks. You just have to make sure that whether they are single or married, it is someone that truly cares about your happiness and want what’s best for you.

This is a very interesting concept, but it makes all the sense in the world. We all struggle with many types of relationships — family, social networks, work, community, organizations, etc. Of course, the most important relationship is our marriage. It is very difficult to help another couple without “meddling” — especially if they didn’t invite the input.

We have been married for 43 years, and enjoyed the blessing of a good relationship for pactically the whole time. Over the past 15 years, we have been attending an annual marriage retreat with our church family. This retreat recently hosted 150 couples. While not intended to solve problems over a weekend, it is interesting to reflect on the topics over the past 15 years. This “village of married couples” comes together to celebrate our victories in a challenging world.

Of course, at a local level, some have thought of us as role models, and come to us for advice. We are very cautious about advising people. More often than not, we share some of the materials we have been exposed to in our marriage retreats. I have found that object third party advice helps couples work toward some common goals. It helps to avoid the perception of taking sides when we are not trained marriage counselors. Our success doesn’t always translate easily into other relationships. Our role in the local village is to be a role model.

Couples who have a village of other married couples to spend time with, model, and share can use this village to strengthen their marriage.

Roger Madison