I Need Some Me Time!

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by Lamar Tyler | on November 30th, 2009 | 8 comments

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson

About once a month, my mother sends me a text message on a Thursday night that reads, simply, “Have my babies ready when I come to get them.” I know this means she is coming to babysit them for the weekend. My parents do this every once in a while to give me and my husband a break, and this is supposed to be our weekend to have fun together and reconnect.

But more often than not, we spend Saturday running errands, cleaning up the house, paying bills, doing yardwork, catching up on football (him) or Netflix movies (me). We usually do dinner and a movie on Saturday night, but generally, we catch up on all those things we don’t do when we’ve got little ones circling our ankles. I like to write and I never feel like I do it enough, so I set myself up in my “office” and put my thoughts on the screen. If I really get into it, I can go a few hours without seeing my husband. My husband is a football fanatic and can watch every game that comes on TV all day (NFL, college, high school..doesn’t matter). I get bored after the first quarter so that’s his solo activity.

It’s not that we don’t love each other, but we do need some time away from each other. I see my husband every single day of my life and I love him to pieces but if I don’t get a little bit of time to myself I will explode.

BMWK family, am I the only one who needs a little space? Let me know….

Tara Jefferson is freelance writer living with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, http://theyoungmommylife.com, for more of her musings on life, love and motherhood.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Aisha

Absolutely not! I need my me time too. My husband and I don’t have children yet but we’ve worked out ways for each of us to spend time alone. For example, when I come home from work, I need some space. I am an Assistant Professor at a University so I talk or am facilitating discussions all day. When I get home, I just need to spend some time in some quiet without being asked questions. As I walk in the door, he gives me a kiss and leaves me alone without an interrogation about my day. His release is his video games. He plays every evening right before bed and I support it. I think having alone time and space makes us better spouses. It allows us to be present both physically and mentally when we’re together.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

Space is always a healthy thing. It’s important to get away from the battle ground of routine and the same old arguments to truly enjoy YOURSELF. I absolutely agree with Aisha! We have to know what our needs our as well as our spouse’s to prevent misunderstandings. I need my P90X and reading time, just like my husband needs his weight room and music time.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

I agree…you need your space in order to relax and get refreshed..if you don’t get your me time…you will find yourself overwhelmed!!
Staycee2

I need it bad! I went from 2 to 4 kids back in June. My husband’s ex-wife passed unexpectedly! My husband & I need a week long vacation away from the kids (ages 3, 12, 13, 17)!
Anna

Staycee2 said:
I need it bad! I went from 2 to 4 kids back in June. My husband’s ex-wife passed unexpectedly! My husband & I need a week long vacation away from the kids (ages 3, 12, 13, 17)!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry to hear about his ex passing. A instant bigger family than expected out of death is a life changing experience. It seems like you are not asking for space from your husband, but a long vacation from the kids. Nothing wrong with asking for that. Do either of you have a sitter lined up so you can enjoy “we” time? If not, find someone to take the kids for the weekend and it’s ok to just stay home alone together, minus the kids.
Dewayne

I’m 30, married, 3 kids, and my wife is expecting our 4th child any day now….YES, YES, and YES it’s okay to want and need time to yourself without the spouse or the kids. Truth be told and some may not agree, cause I didn’t at one time…The kids can get on ur nerves and we already know how you feel about us at times.
LaShante

Me and my husband have been married a little over a year now we get time apart plenty how ever when we are together i feel as if he’s not really their like his mind is counting down the seconds till i give up on quality time i have run out of ways of telling him it hurts my feelings n i am feeling alone in this.
Aisha

@ LaShante – Have you tried discussing your feelings with him? It might help to identify the behaviors he displays that make you feel as though he’s not present in the moment with you. He may not even know that he is displaying those behaviors.

I Need Some Me Time!

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