What Happened to Your Fingernails?

Parenting

by Ronnie Tyler | on December 1st, 2009 | 19 comments

nails

by Ronnie Tyler

A close friend from undergrad came to town a few weeks back and so we decided to meet for dinner. I was happy to see her (as we had not seen each other in a while.) We both put on a few pounds as we’ve had several kids since undergrad. But overall I think we looked great considering we now had 6 kids between the two of us. I mean we were not looking busted up with our hair pulled back in a clip and with MOMs jeans on and sweatshirts..etc. We still knew how to dress appropriately for a nice night out!! In fact, she was just as gorgeous as ever. Her makeup was flawless and her hair was beautiful, healthy, and curly as usual.

So we sat down to catchup on what’s being going on in each other’s lives and I noticed her long gorgeous nails were reduced to well manicured nubs!!! I was shocked and a little saddened. She always had the most gorgeous strong fingernails. During our college years, I would marvel at how she took hours on Saturdays to apply a base coat, at least 3 or 4 coats of nail polish, and finally a topcoat. And she let each coat dry completely before applying the next coat. I remember that her nails were long, healthy,and strong..never chipped…always painted so pretty.

So I asked: “Whose hand is that? Where are your nails?” I was just kidding though as I already knew her answer. She said: “Girl I don’t have time to keep up with those nails any more.” An appointment at the nail shop is a luxury that she just did not have time for anymore. She said she was lucky to be able to squeeze in a hair appointment every 2 weeks. In fact the day before leaving on her trip, she went to the nail salon and got a manicure and a pedicure. She told the manicurist to cut her fingernails low and to put a clear coat on them. Her nails were not a ragged mess (like mine) but they certainly were not the glamour nails that I was used to seeing on her. I laughed and I told her that I could relate. In fact, we both had a good laugh when I told her that I clipped and painted the first two toes on each foot with quick drying polish so that my toes would not look bad in my peek toe boots that I was wearing that night.

So what happened to her finger nails? Motherhood!! Motherhood happened to her fingernails. I don’t even want to lie and say Motherhood happened to my nails…because they were a mess before I had kids. But Motherhood happened to my car (as now I am sporting a minivan where as before I was zipping around town in my fully loaded sporty Audi A4) And Motherhood happened to my shape. Although my husband would say that motherhood improved my shape (wink wink.)

But Motherhood is a good thing!! It’s a great thing!! And I would not trade it for the world. I think we have both grown as individuals after becoming mothers. Motherhood has taught us both to be less selfish and it has taught us how to love more deeply than we ever thought we could. And at the end of day, when we are tired to bone from balancing careers and family, we look at those little angels sleeping soundly in their beds and we know that it is all worth the sacrifice. I have truly learned that that the joys of Motherhood out weigh any of those materialistic wants that I might have. And I keep that in mind when I am sitting at a traffic light next to a fly lady in her sporty Mercedes coupe and expensive sunglasses . I look back at the 3 car seats in the back of my van and I know that the kids will not be that small forever and that one day I will have a sporty little car again. But for now, I don’t want to rush the kids into adulthood as they are so precious.

And yes, I know that in order to be the best mother that I can be, I can’t totally let my self go. I have to have a little me time (a time where I can get refreshed and relaxed.) And also, I don’t think Motherhood is an excuse to completely let yourself go…but I do understand that it can be difficult to walk around looking like one of those Real Housewives too.

BMWK Family - How has motherhood or fatherhood changed you? Do you think it has changed you for the better? What do you do to give yourself some me time?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and their latest documentary Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

I definitely think motherhood has changed me. Why, just two days ago I was crying to my husband (yes, crying) because MOTHERHOOD gave me this nice squishy belly, but NO extra booty! I’m like, “Really? Come on!!!” Gotta cut me a break somewhere, right? But I digress. LOL

One of my sisters commented a few months back that I just seemed extra casual these days, wearing sweaters and jeans most of the time and that I didn’t seem to enjoy getting dressed anymore. And it’s true, I don’t. Half of my favorite little outfits are either too tight or just seem impractical for chasing after a 3 year old and a 1 year old all day.

But I am trying to keep myself “up” and not let go of the things that make me “me.”

Great post, Ronnie!
MissJay

My nails have definitely taken a back seat to making sure the kids have food, clothes, and shelter. I could grow my nails out but they would crack and split and I’d have to cut them off anyway. LOL
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

I never had nice nails. Ever. LOL In fact, to some extent, motherhood has improved them…maybe it was the extra calcium I ingested during pregnancy. IDK.

Great article, Ronnie! It’s really important that we don’t let ourselves go once we get married and start having kids. I’m always looking for a new and attractive way to style my hair or dress myself to keep it fresh.
Monica

This is such an interesting topic. One I could probably talk about all day long. Before becoming a mother, I dibbled and dabbled with pricey things that made me feel cute. My expensive hair stylist where I paid $150 easily for a touch up application, trim, and style. $60 for a my box shi-shi relaxer that I loved so much. Regular visits to the nail salon where I could easily drop $70 for a mango coconut paraffin mani/pedi. $150 for eyelash extensions. You get the point? However, since becoming a mother, those luxuries have fallen by the wayside. My hair stylist has changed and I now use their prevailing relaxer line. I do my own nails. I occasionally wear mascara, but most of the time, I’m learning to love my own lashes. I had the baby and I became…well…kind of blah. At least I felt that way. My husband still found/finds me attractive, but I just couldn’t get my “mojo” back. When my daughter was about 3-4 months old, I decided to cut off my just below my shoulder length hair to a precision cut bob. I thought that would make me feel edgier…sassy, pretty, if you will. I wish before I cut my hair I would’ve known that wouldn’t fix my internal issues. Months later, I stepped up my clothing game. (Note to self: STOP wearing maternity clothes if you aren’t pregnant anymore even if they ARE comfortable!) If I can’t make it back to my pre-pregnancy clothes, I would embrace my new curves. Heck, no one has to know the number on the tag but me! That helped some, but what really made the change for me was stepping up my make up game. I know. That’s probably weird, but it worked for me. I am 33 years old and I’ve been blessed with great skin and a pretty smile so I never fussed with make up too much. One Sunday afternoon, I left the baby with my husband and I went to the MAC counter and got a great lesson from the manager, Ingrid. She showed me everything. She was so patient and so friendly. I bought about $80 worth of stuff and quickly had buyer’s remorse. I figured I’d never wear it and that was money that I could’ve used to buy something(s) for the baby. Well, I fooled myself! I started playing around with my make up, watching YouTube tutorials, and I’ve now mastered a look that makes me feel prettier and more “together.” That combined with some of my new wardrobe purchases and I finally feel like a whole Mommy again. I was definitely feeling fragmented because I was (and still am) giving so much of myself to my husband, my daughter, my job, my friends, my family, but I finally etched some space out for me…and it feels REALLY good again. I like the new and improved Monica. She’s not so bad and some say she’s getting better with each day. ;o)
http://www.babybumping.blogspot.com Aja

I was just thinking about this today while I was having this debate with myself about whether I could just skip ironing my pants because the wrinkles might just blend in with the courdoroy. I can’t even begin to list the ways that motherhood has changed me although at this point I’ve been a mother for long enough that I don’t even really remember what I was like before. I love my kids more than anything but I miss being able to fit in things that make me feel like a woman and not just a mommy all the time if that makes any sense.
By the way Ronnie, I use the painting just a couple toes trick consistently.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Monica – That was a great comment! I’m over here tearing up!

Am I a dork because I want to turn that into a post of its own? Yes? LOL!
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

Great comment and insight Monica, Aja the question of the day is did you iron those roys or not? LOL You got me cracking up with that one.
Lady Di

Oh definately – Motherhood has changed me! I was never a “girly-girl” before, I was a definate tomboy. My previous “low maintenance” routine went to NO maintenance after my first child because I just didn’t “have time”. Big mistake! I felt less attractive, LOOKED less attractive, and pretty soon started ACTING less attractive.

Caused some problems between me and the hubby to be sure, but I’ve slowly but surely gotten my “girly” back. In fact, since I turned 40, I’ve turned over a new leaf – now I’m headed for “bombshell” territory and not looking back!

For the young moms out there – DON’T let that happen to you. Continue to “do” your face, even if you’re the only one who will see it. A light foundation, cheeks and lips doesn’t have to take more than 5 minutes once you get your routine down. Don’t fall back to sweats and t-shirts all the time – find some comfy but semi-fitted clothes that make the most of your RIGHT NOW body – don’t wait until everything is “perfect” because it may never get to perfect! LOL

Wear colors that suit YOUR coloring, sizes that fit YOUR body (rip the tag out if you are sensitive about it) and do something every day to make sure you DON’T lose your “mojo”! Not that it’s impossible to get it back, but why lose it in the first place?

Do what you can re: manicures and pedicures, but at least once a quarter, make time and money to go have it done FOR you and get a little pampering. Get a great haircut and style your own hair – I went natural after over 30 years because it’s easier for me than going to the salon every 4 – 6 weeks for a relaxer.

Make your routine work for you – and if it isn’t, CHANGE IT!
Monica

Thanks so much, Tara and Lamar! Tara, I’ve been reading your posts for quite some time now. You’re definitely not a dork. LOL. Thanks for the compliment on my post.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

Well said Monica..it’s like you were writing about me. I am actually planning to step-up my make-up game myself.

And thanks for sharing Lady Di….being a mother doesn’t mean we have to let ourselves go completely.
http://www.babybumping.blogspot.com Aja

@ Lamar I should probably plead the fifth but I decided just to let the wrinkles look like some extra coudoroy lines. Lol.
Cee Cee

I think I could do much better, to be honest. But every time I get a few extra hundred to spend on myself, I’ll turn around and spend like 200 on the kids, and whatever is left over is spent on myself (which doesn’t leave much spending money for hair, clothes, or nails). Lately, I do my own hair, and my nails hardly ever get done–just cleaned, clipped, filed, and occasionally painted. I feel so bad about letting myself go. I do throw on a pair of heels or cute boots and a nice shirt a few days a week, but other than that, it’s tees and jeans. I’m not a complete bum, but I dress nowhere as cute a I did when I was 21 and under.

I read alot. That is my me time. I love reading because it takes me away. I also go grocery shopping EARLY–like 5 or 6am. There are only like 3 other people in the store, and I get peace and quiet because the kids are at home with my husband. I know that last part sounds pathetic, but it’s true.
http://lovemarriageandrugrats.blogspot.com Btrfly414

What a great post!! I can truly relate. We have four kids with my youngest being 2 years. The funny thing is I after the first two kids I found myself in T’s, sweats and jeans….all the time. I gradually graduated to cute Khakis and bright colored tops (long enough to hide my baby belly * 4) With a larger family comes financial concerns but a mommy can find some nice clothes at a discount store.

Now like Monica I have never been into makeup. I’m a mascara and lip gloss gal, but I recently started stepping up my game with a little color on the cheeks. The hair is a sad story though. With two girls that have been blessed with a volume of hair for three heads, somebody is going lacking and that somebody is me. Sista needs a salon day . Hmmm….Note to self….I can probably use a mani and pedi, too.

Keeping my entire package right is what has kept me sane. Spiritually connected, physically rejuvenated and mentally alert. When you feel good you look good. Lady Di is on point. Get yourself together for you. It makes for a better wife and mommy.
http://Funkidivagirl.com Funkidivagirl

I try to always look nice, if casual because my real everyday life calls for casual. I will wear jeans or cords and converse or Uggs and a cute, casual top. Since I write at home alone, most days I don’t see anyone but my children and husband, but I always wear mascara and lip gloss as well. I don’t have much “me time” because when my kids are at school I try to write, but I do get pedicures regularly. And I try to make exercise a priority.
Anna

That pic scares me. How the heck can she do anything?
http://myspace sweet28

My nails are nice and not that long i well not get them to long cuz than i cant take care of my 2 boys and do my work sooo i need to my 2 boys food and gave clothes and shelte to my 2 boys and am a single mom so i wont let them grow to long but they r nice…..long one dont look that nice…
rabia

me likes this story
http://google nashalie

that is not cool thatr is naste
Anonymous

ahh

What Happened to Your Fingernails?

About the author

Facebook Fan Page

You Saved Me – DVD

Happily Ever After – DVD

Men Ain’t Boys – DVD

BMWK Classic Posts

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

BMWK Partners