Keep Your Sex Life Out Of Your Facebook Status

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by Lamar Tyler | on December 2nd, 2009 | 13 comments

by Aja Dorsey Jackson

I have more than a couple Facebook friends who consistently post what I believe to be extremely inappropriate status updates about their relationships. Sometimes they are publicly cursing out their partner on their wall, other times they are sending a very public/private message to him or her about what they just did in bed, or what they want to do later. Half the time they are sitting right next to the person they are talking to, which leaves me even more confused as to why the whole world needs to be in on the conversation. Either way, I am increasingly starting to feel like I’ve tuned into some type of bad reality amateur porn show that I really, really never wanted to watch.

Despite the fact that I do write about my own relationship online, in reality I am a pretty private person. Maybe this explains why every time I see something like this I inwardly turn into an 80 year old woman yelling out “Have you no shame?”

I have 296 facebook friends. I know all of them to some degree, but some I know very well and others I may have only met a couple of times. If I would never yell out “I can’t wait to get it on with my husband tonight” in a room of 296 people that included family, good friends, coworkers, and some people that I don’t know that well, why would I post it on facebook?

Am I justified in my belief that everything shouldn’t be public information? Or is this just another case of me being old school? How much do you share online and how much is too much?

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com. She can be reached at aja@ajadorseyjackson.com

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Mom of 3

I agree with you Aja, I turn prudish when I see stuff like that too. I have slacked up on being on Facebook over the last year or so….the appeal of it is gone for me, I’ve been on it since 2006. However, I don’t think social networking sites are the place to post your sexual adventures.
Shamma

I could not have said it better, just last week I saw the most inappropriate photo posted and I had to wonder is there nothing off limits anymore? I just had this very same conversation with a few of the young ladies in my church, some things just not need to make it to facebook. I said not everything you say and do needs to get on there. I do not care how old or what they want to say my thought process is, there is a thing called modesty and it never goes out. hmph.
Shayla

Certain things need to stay between a man and a woman, and that is definitely one of them. I have the same problem too, a lot of my friends will put their private lives on blast for the whole world to see and that is so inappropiate. It is one thing to say something like, “I have a hot date on the town with my hubby tonight” which I say on occasion, but there is a problem when you are saying “I’m about to get it on tonight with my hubby”. Now, we are all grown ups and know that in most cases the hot date may lead to the getting it on, but LORD HAVE MERCY, it does NOT need to be put out there on the social network scene. Relationships still need to maintain a level of privacy.

GREAT JOB AJA!! And you are not the only young 80 year old..
Mrs. Dickey

I agree 100% with Shayla. I mention the hot dates & fun trips, but never that I’m bout to get it on with my husband. I even write on his wall that I’. missing/loving him when he’s out for a while, but NEVER TMI. And Aja, I also agree with the arguments on FB. What most bother’s me is that all your FB “friends” take your side not knowing the full story and bash your significant other.. a few hours later, ya’ll made up but everything your “friends” say is still there!
http://www.babybumping.blogspot.com Aja

I completely agree with that Mrs. Dickey. Plus you can’t trust everyone in the world to have your best interest at heart. You are just inviting a bunch of people into your relationship that have no business being there.
Political Music

I actually like the fact people did that. When I was dating, I used it as a screening mechanism. Go back to those status messages from a year ago, if she put her man on blast then… you will be no different.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

I’m with you, Aja. Usually when I see that kind of message I promptly hide that person from my newsfeed.

Some things I just don’t want to read about.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

I agree with you Aja…I don’t like it when couples get too personal on FB. Also, I have a mixed group of friends…some close friends, some acquaintances, some co-workers, some people that I am networking with…so I keep that in mind when I am updating my status.
Cee Cee

Yeah, I don’t get it, either. I mean, if you really feel the need to send a sexy comment to your mate, then why not just send it to the inbox? I think some people just get off on posting those type of messages online because t’s public, but not as public as being in the same room with 300 other people.
MissJay

I agree. I really don’t see it with my friends, and I’m glad! LOL. It’s funny but my hubby and I don’t even message or post things on eachother’s wall on FB. I thought about that the other day when I was looking at a friend’s profile. Her and her hubby posted a cute little message like they were old friends who hadn’t seen eachother in a while. And I thought, ‘me and my hubby don’t do things like that’. The only way you’ll know we’re married is if you look at our pictures and our relationship status LOL.
Anna

Cee Cee said:
Yeah, I don’t get it, either. I mean, if you really feel the need to send a sexy comment to your mate, then why not just send it to the inbox? I think some people just get off on posting those type of messages online because t’s public, but not as public as being in the same room with 300 other people.
~~~~~~~~
I tried to get in the hype of facebook but it just did not happen for me. Nothing wrong with the old fashion way and sending a nice email or a note in hubby’s lunch box to make him want to come back home to me after a days work. Some ppl just want shock value and some are just stupid. I don’t read facebook but my kids all have one. I know I have said many things on here that were just my truth but facebook is a social network and there needs to be some censorship going on. I woke up to my morning local news and a 13 yr. old met a 19 yr. old on facebook or myspace and he drove from Michigan to Ohio to have sex with her. Her mom found the man in her closet after he had been there over night. Why is a 13 yr old having sex? Why does a 13 yr. old have a account anywhere? Why did the parents not monitor her access to a social network site? I am upset but I know the mom who called the police and made sure this man stayed until they got there was livid. Parents it’s ok to check your kids cell phones, email accounts and go through their rooms. My kids are older and share their facebook, myspace and whatever accounts to let me look( for my etertainment). I want to know how the mom who found a 19 yr. old man in her daughters closet kept him there until the police arrived. All I can say is “he is lucky he is alive”. Did she use a Louiville, hog tie him or a golf club? LOL.
Sassa

I am very careful with accepting people’s friendship requests on FB just because I don’t want to know what they are up to and I don’t want them to know what I am up to all the time. It’s not like I’m leaving friends out, it’s just that I think that a person I have hardly met in the last 10 years or so, hardly has anything to do with me or what is going on in my life today. FB is far too intimate for that. In fact, I have even deleted a few “friends” I accidentally added, because I just didn’t see that I could benefit to their lives and vice versa. FB has turned into some ridiculous game in who has the most friends. I don’t believe anyone can have a ton of friends that really need to know everything about you everyday. I try to tell my teenage daughter that who has over 700 friends on FB (and who incidentally deleted me!). There is just no way. And why bother friending someone that you barely know, just said hi to at a random place. For me that is just difficult to understand. I say be careful of who you accept as your friend on FB. And for the record, I have about 180 friends that I don’t mind letting know how my days are going.

As for the sexual implication, that is just dead wrong. Inappropriate and disgusting. I would delete these so called friends asap.
http://spotback.com/users/macjack99 Carl Bertolami

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