In what we’re sure will be her first mention here on Black and Married With Kids we wanted to bring you some great advice that Kelly Ripa gave Redbook in a recent interview. This is good stuff.
On dealing with Mommy guilt: “Initially, we would never leave the kids alone with a babysitter. But then Mark would say, ‘We are going out to dinner,’ and I would say, ‘Without the kids?’ And he would say, ‘Yes. Because that’s what grown-ups do.’ It was something he forced me to do, and now I think to myself, The kids will be thrilled. They know the babysitter is going to let them watch TV and eat cookies. So that’s the balance Mark introduced to me. I know there are people who are good at dealing with this stuff, but I think the majority of women feel tremendous guilt.”
On making time for marriage: “A date night for us is watching Top Chef. A date night for us is getting our kids asleep before 9:30! It’s really just about checking in, asking how the other person’s day is, and cuddling up. It doesn’t have to lead to anything, although it usually does. But it doesn’t have to. Sometimes, Mark will wake up in Joaquin’s bed, and I’ll wake up in Lola’s tiny bed feeling like a contortionist and saying, ‘I’m in pain and why is there a dog on my head?’”
On being in it for the long haul: “The first year of marriage is so tough, and we fought constantly, these tiny things becoming big accusations. Then we looked at each other one day and said, ‘We’re in this for the long haul, so let’s make it fun.’ It’s not that it’s not going to be work. You work on your marriage the same way you work at your job. But we have friends who have gotten divorced over tiny things that spiral out of control, and no one was willing to reach out, take the other person’s hand, and say, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ And sometimes it can be that simple. We argue, but we have an allegiance to each other, and we have beautiful children, and from what I hear, divorce sucks. It’s not something I think I have the fortitude to go through.”
On her best relationship advice: “My girlfriends and I talk about this a lot. The more, let’s say, affection – the more you do it, the more you do it. The more you reach out and hold that person’s hand, the more it’s going to happen. The less you do it, the less you do it. That includes everything from intimacy to hand-holding and kissing. I say reach out and grab your husband’s hand every once in a while. Even if he’s wrong and he makes you sick. Because a little bit of that gets you a little bit of a back rub, which gets a little bit of ‘You look pretty today.’”
You can check out Redbook for the entire article.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This is actually some really solid advice.
Great Advice Kelly!!!!
We’re in it for the long haul..so why not make it fun!! And the more you do it….the more you do it!!! I agree with that 100%
We still don’t usually leave our kids with anyone other than my mom or his! It is all him, though. I’ll happily leave them with a responsible sitter.
I agree that the first year is the hardest (although I think some people don’t experience the hardest part until 4 or 5 years into it). We fought–I mean we had screaming matches–and then made up, fought, then made up, and so on. This continued until the second year when we realized that we don’t need to scream or say ugly things to get each other to listen. It took a while to learn what made the other person tick and getting used to each other’s annoying habits. We’ve ironed out a lot since then. Yesterday was our first “fight” in a very long time, and it didn’t involve one mean word, bit of sarcasm, or yelling, we resolved it in less than 10 minutes, and it ended with a big hug. Love it.
And, yes, the more you show affection (or whatever), the more you want to do it. It’s like junk food–the more you have, the more you crave.
I love Kelly since her AMC days and was so happy that she was picked as Regis’s side kick. Like many my first year of marriage was not good. As I stated in a previous post, my sis-in-law asked us how long we have been married(this was a few years ago) we both looked at each other and said 9 yrs. I think we both subconscienceously put our first year of marriage behind us, we came home from their home and realized we missed celebrating (bigger than usual)our 10th wedding annivesary. We celebrated 12 yrs of marriage in June and yes, we do include all the years of marriage now. LOL. It is hard when you are a parent going out “for date night”. It is always the man who has to give the wife the ok or the push to leave the kids with a sitter. The kids do grow up and we(women) feel more at ease leaving the kids home and learn to enjoy “Date Night’. Also, divorce does suck, nothing wrong with two ppl trying to work it out. The longer I am married, the better it gets(if that’s possible). As long as you have GOD, and truly like each other there is no obstacle that a married couple can’t overcome if they both want it.
I love the way Kelly and Joaquin handle their family. We went out 3 weeks after our first son was born back in 2005 and remember my husband holding my cellphone telling me everything was going to be fine
Two kids later, work, ministry, life and we realize how important time to ourselves is – we have a date night outside home at least twice a month. We remind ourselves parenting preschoolers will not last forever 
We give ourselves permission not to be perfect – sometimes a kiss & a hug go a long way. Our first year married was not a cake walk – we are in it for the long haul. Its the promise we made to each other at the beginning of our courship in 1996.
Relationship Education´s last blog ..Keeping Your Joy During The Christmas Season
The first year of my marriage was hard, because people do get in your ear, and thats very bad for the relationship. Once we get that out of the way, and stop listening to people negative vibes, it’s all wonderful. We do go out once a month, movies, party etc., we enjoy each others company, laugh, and talk about everything. No with two kids and coming up 1/5/09 22 years of marriage. He is my best friend, my love, yes are in it for the long haul.
We still flirt with each other.