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Transparency: Don’t Get It Twisted!?

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by  |  on December 18th, 2009  |  15 comments

dontgetittwisted

I have received so many awesome responses regarding how the transparency about my marriage really helps others deal with their issues.  It’s a blessing to be used by God in such a way that gives others the tools they need to give their marriages a fighting chance.  I am humbled and amazed.  I am also appreciative to Lamar and Ronnie Tyler (whom I have affectionately dubbed “Boss Man” and “Boss Lady”) for giving me such an outstanding opportunity to express myself.

Being transparent is one thing.  Being stupid is yet another.  I have received e-mails from “gentlemen” telling me they can love me better than my husband can, and once I get tired of the issues, they will be more than willing to take care of me and my children in exchange for having the love of a so-called “real woman.”

Let’s not get it twisted.  I talk about my marriage in such open terms because I don’t do well at sugarcoating certain issues.  So I won’t sugarcoat this, either.  I am MARRIED, I love my perfectly imperfect husband, and I refuse to succumb to any cowardly and impossible attempts to shift the focus of my love and object of my affection towards anyone other than Patrick Hairston.  PERIOD.

So while I will continue to reflect humor and transparency within the articles I write, I just want the record to show that my open demeanor is not a license to attempt to ruin my marriage.  Besides, you all have read about it.  I’m not about to go through all this hell in my marriage only to have it fail. 

A person would have to be really crazy to believe that.

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons.  You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.


About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.



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  • Christina

    AMEN and AMEN!!!

  • http://www.execumama.blogspot.com Execumama

    I love it!!! Hopefully now, the matter is considered officially and permanently “UNTWISTED”!
    .-= Execumama´s last blog ..Alicia Keys Disses Jay-Z for "Better" MC! A Fall-out-laughing Friday special!! =-.

  • privacy matters

    don’t get it twisted, I enjoy reading your blog and learning from it. Don’t you think, though, that you have opened yourself up to these comments by essentially inviting people to examine the intimate details of your marriage? just sayin’… if you open that sacred door to your marriage, don’t you think men are going to try to take advantage?

  • Regina

    That’s right girl, you tell’m!

  • http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

    @ Privacy Matters,

    I write clearly about what I deal with in my marriage because there are not many people willing to take the risk to discuss the trials of their marriage in such real terms. This article was sent as an unequivocal rejection of all such attempts to “take advantage” of me.

    I’m a big girl…I can take care of myself. However, I just wanted the record to show that I don’t play that kind of foolishness. I only want to have to say it once. That way, the next time I receive an e-mail from a person trying to play stupid, I can just send them the link to this article.

    I don’t write to impress folks with the gift and skill God has given me. I write so those who are dealing with the same issues can take comfort in the fact that they are not alone.
    .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Working…Dreaming…Working…Dreaming =-.

  • Jonesi

    *standing ovation* As always, keep doing whatcha Harriet! :-)

  • Anna

    Keep writing Harriet. There is always going to be someone willing to fill “the shoes of another” I find it both funny and flattering. Most of us know when you write you are just being raw and real about your own marriage, and we appreciate that. For us who read your posts faithfully, we know you love your “perfectly imperfect husband”(I have one of those also) I have a question. What does he think about you sharing so much of your marriage. I hope he realizes how special you are to us for sharing so much.

  • http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

    @ Anna,

    Patrick gives me free reign to talk about anything that goes on outside our bedroom. For the articles that even HINT at anything in that subject matter, I submit them to him for approval.

    And yes, he thinks I’m “special.” *For the record, *special* could have a whole lot of different connotations. ROFL!
    .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Working…Dreaming…Working…Dreaming =-.

  • Anna

    You made me laugh out loud with ” For the record, *special* could have a whole lot of different connotations. ROFL!
    I can’t stop laughing. You know I love you and your posts/comments. I still can’t stop laughing while typing this. My abs got a work out and my calorie weight loss just got erassed. I just hope that the “freeze frame” smile I have right now is not a permanent situation. My stomach hurts from laughing. Please pray for me, my hubby is going to think I am laughing at him when we make love tonigh and take it the wrong way. They say “stupid is as stupid does”, I say funny is as funny does. I have to take a breath before I go to bed. Hubby might just want a divorce, if I burst out laughing thinking about your comment and he may think his bedroom performance is not up to par. LOL. I am still laughing, it took me 10 minutes to type this and I can type 70 words a minute. I really had to step away from my computer to keep laughing.

  • Josey

    Hey Hariett! I appreciate your blog. I stumbled upon it this morning and it was inspiring to read…

    I sent you a private email as well.

    Thank you so much,

    Lady J

  • Patrick Hairston

    @Anna
    I am very glad that my wife is transparent about our issues and intense fellowship, especially when it is helping others get through their issues as well. At first, I was like, “NO, that is none of their business,” but I read a comment after she had posted an article that was REAL TRANSPARENT and saw how it helped and freed someone else up to be free and open up. So if what we go through in our marriage helps others open, be free, and know they are not alone, then I am for it. I support my “Beautiful” 100% and I love the way she flows.

    Just for the record: PLEASE DON’T GET IT TWISTED! I am in love with my beautiful, intelligent, gifted, blessed, chocolate chip wife, and I will hunt and find anybody who disrespects her……….LOL ?

  • http://edwardclee.com Edward

    Harriet as I have said in other posts, your transparency is refreshing and helpful to many. I think what you have done in “Dont Get It Twisted” is to underline the difference between genuine transparency a.k.a. honesty and motive driven transparency a.k.a. crying out. I never really thought about it, but often people claim transparency while they really are asking for help. Perhaps you were mistaken because genuineness is a fleeting quality. But keep writing honestly – God Bless You and Your Marriage.

  • http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

    Edward,

    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.

    I don’t know what you meant by this statement:

    “Perhaps you were mistaken because genuineness is a fleeting quality.”

    Could you explain that further? Thanks!
    .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Working…Dreaming…Working…Dreaming =-.

  • Anna

    Patrick Hairston December 19, 2009 at 4:36 pm
    @Anna
    I am very glad that my wife is transparent about our issues and intense fellowship, especially when it is helping others get through their issues as well. At first, I was like, “NO, that is none of their business,” but I read a comment after she had posted an article that was REAL TRANSPARENT and saw how it helped and freed someone else up to be free and open up. So if what we go through in our marriage helps others open, be free, and know they are not alone, then I am for it. I support my “Beautiful” 100% and I love the way she flows.

    Just for the record: PLEASE DON’T GET IT TWISTED! I am in love with my beautiful, intelligent, gifted, blessed, chocolate chip wife, and I will hunt and find anybody who disrespects her……….LOL ?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    Thank You Patrick for your response. We love your wife , and that she is honest and real. I have poured out my feelings on this site long ago. I have learned that marriage does not have to be complicated. My hubby just called me on me cell phone and we are in the same house. Little things do mean the most, and little debates can turn big. We have to find a place to vent. I will say it again, my hubby is a great “Charlie Brown”, but his driving skills suck. LOL..

  • Anna

    He called me on my cell phone. “Me, Me Me. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. LOL.




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