Desire vs. Demand in Child Rearing?

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on December 22nd, 2009 | 2 comments

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by Harriet Hairston

As a girl raised in a military family, and a former military member myself, I thrive on good order and discipline. One of the things I always have to caution myself about is the demand for those very things to be evident in my children. I’m not a person apt to temper tantrums, but there are times when I want to throw one myself when I see my children acting up.

I recently read an article on crosswalk.com that cleared up many internal questions I had about the way I raise my children. The article had many valuable points, but I wanted to outline a couple of important nuggets I took away from it:

If you find yourself wanting to have an adult tantrum, look at what your root desire is at that moment. Is it more respect? Better grades? Immediate obedience in public? Take the time to examine what the root issue is.
If you are a Christian, whose desires are more important to you at the time when you feel like losing control? Yours or God’s?
It is possible that our desire for our children to develop good qualities can turn into a bad issue for us and our children down the line. Especially when that desire turns into a demand.
The heart of a child is pliable, and as parents, we have the ability to mold that heart towards fear or towards freedom. If our demands for good order and discipline overrule our ability to show our children genuine love, then we have crossed a line that must be corrected.

The desire to shower God’s “good gifts” upon our children is not a bad one. However, we become imbalanced when we want those good gifts to become “selfish rights,” according to the article. That’s definitely a line I don’t want to cross as a mother. What about you?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Anna

Desire vs. Demand in Child Rearing?
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While getting a oil change after work I took my own magazine. It was O with Ellen on the cover. Inside was a story of a mother and daugher and the issue was weight. It was a great article and I will not spoil it,( for those who choose to read it) I will say that as parents of the same gender we seem to want “perfection because they(our kids are our reflextion to others). To me some parents desire their child to be a different way but at the same time demand it , leaving our offspring fustrated, confused and somewhat distant , which does nothing for the later bonding that a parent and child should have. Sometimes parents need to leave their kids alone to let them bump their own head but just say “I am here if you/when you are ready to talk”. Parents should not always, constantly pick, but pick and choose carefully what battle(s) to have with their child(ren), even at a young age. Some things are really not that serious and a big issue to us only turns into a big issue to them.
Mike

I love your site! It’s cool and gorgeous!

Desire vs. Demand in Child Rearing?

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