Comments on: To Be or Not To Be (Married)?

By: Aja

Aja — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 01:59:36 +0000

It comes on 92.3. Its a Baltimore radio station but I’m pretty sure you can hear it in DC.

By: sheila campbell

sheila campbell — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 01:52:17 +0000

DEAR B&Mw/KIDS:

WHAT I’D LIKE TO KNOW IS WHERE DID YOU FIND “THE RICKEY SMILEY MORNING SHOW”. I LIVE IN DC AND HAVE NEVER HEARD IT!

By: BMWK Comment of The Week

BMWK Comment of The Week — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 04:18:42 +0000

[...] http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/12/23/to-be-or-not-to-be-married/#comments [...]

By: Candis

Candis — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 23:05:57 +0000

I recently married (Aug. 3, 2009) after 8 (yes, I said it!)….. 8 years of living together. We share a 5 year old son and my husband brought a son to the relationship that has always lived with us. I used to be one of those people that said marriage didn’t matter. I believed that if 2 people wanted to be together that nothing else was needed. My husband would occasionally bring up marriage and I would brush the idea away. More recently we had been talking about marriage more seriously and the next Monday night we watched Black in America 2 on CNN. All the points made about marriage resonated with me and we got married the following Monday! I am the first to admit that I was dead wrong about marriage. Our relationship is stronger, the commitment is palpable, and our children are so excited. Marriage has been a wonderful change for us and a great testament to people around us about the strength of our family and commitment to each other. And even after all the years of living together, marriage definitely feels different….. BETTER!

By: Happyness

Happyness — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:25:20 +0000

I think deep down inside people know that marriage is not for the selfish. And most folks these days are selfish – at least the reasons stated in the article above for not wanting to be married are selfish. When folks put themselves first problems arise. Also if they enter any relationship with the mindset of “what if it doesn’t” work out then it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

By: Colette

Colette — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 23:26:25 +0000

shacking up, marriage, long term relationship it’s all the same. It requires commitment, fidelity, compromise and you must answer to someone else. @Tasha – your god sister is married, 6 years is the same thing.

So if one day he comes to her and says I want you to be my wife she’ll say ‘no’. I doubt it. She’ll say yes as well she should, she’s doing everything in her household that a wife would do.

The majority of women that say they aren’t into marriage haven’t been proposed to by the right man.

By: ruby128

ruby128 — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:48:38 +0000

This is a great article, and two very good subjects that relate – marriage and children. I totally agree on the marriage topic – and the turtleneck analogy – very true. I grew up determined to not have a baby without being married (thanks to my mother I knew I had no other option) . I was 25 when I fell in love and got married, a year later our son was born, I thought I did everything right, we both had good jobs, education, home, cars…..4 rys later the marriage was over. So what I swore i would never be – I ended up being anyway – a single parent. Being married didn’t have anything to do with my ex-husband being a nut and it wouldn’t have been easier if were unwed, there was still a child in the midst of this dysfunction. My point is that we need to be mindful of what having a mature relationship is – we were not ready to be married nor take on the responsibility of being parents together, which unfortunately happens to a lot of people. People need to grow up and be responsible and communicate – you can have whatever relationship you want to have that’s pleasing to you – not others. But if you’re irresponsbile it hurts everyone, especially if a child is involved. We have to break the cycle of taking the easy way out, start thinking long-term, and have a goal that leads toward positive relationships.

By: Harriet

Harriet — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:34:36 +0000

Dee said, “Anywho, it always seemed bass ackward to me that you need a license to get married, which can be obviated through annulment or divorce and yet any two humans who have the capacity to make a sperm an egg omelet, can have a baby, which requires a lifetime of commitment and care!!”

***

My sentiments exactly.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Working…Dreaming…Working…Dreaming =-.

By: Terrific

Terrific — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:48:57 +0000

Very good post Aja. And Tara really hit it when she said marriage as “optional”. It’s true, if you see everyone single and no one is married, why would I want to get married. its about the future generations.

By: Dee

Dee — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:20:49 +0000

Merry Christmas all:
Married 20 years in 2010. Been through tons of trials, heartbreak, and pain, and caused tons of trials, heartbreak and pain. Yet there is no greater comfort than knowing that my wife is my home. No matter where we are if she is there then …that’s home. Even among stress, and turmoil there is peace. From my perspective, before me and my wife married, there was always the uncertainty of if we were going to be able to make it, but once we dove in well, not making it was not an option, so believe it or not that removed a lot of the stress.

What always amazes me is that people don’t get married because they do not want to be committed to someone legally and yet will bring multiple children into this world with them, which in my mind is more of a commitment, because the two people are committing to a totally dependant third party LIFE! and that life must be tended to and , that is not optional.

I do believe as stated above that the decision not to marry is by and large anectodotal, as we tend to live according to the patterns that we have been displayed to us. I also believe the same holds true for the decision to be married.

I myself wonder what is truly at the heart of the decision not to marry? I wonder if its not the BBD (Bigger, Better, Deal) syndrome. The one that states if I am not married if someone else comes along that is the BBD, then I can just take off and go with that person. In the real world and in real marriage I am sure that there is a percentage of relationships which is actually subject to this and it destroys the marriage. I just think that there is also a percentage of people who spend years in a “exclusive, co-habitating, relationship” WITH KIDS, for which the BBD just never happens, so why not get married and make a true commitment to that person?

Anywho, it always seemed bass ackward to me that you need a license to get married, which can be obviated through annulment or divorce and yet any two humans who have the capacity to make a sperm an egg omelet, can have a baby, which requires a lifetime of commitment and care!!