Put simply-Thank you!

Please always remember it is NOT your fault. Your a child of GOD and are here for a reason, its unfortunate that your fathers wife coud not forgive her husband enough to accept you in to his life.

Far too often women (and men too) blame the wrong person for an affair. Children who result from an affair should never be blamed…. Their innocent and did not ask to be here.

I agree with you that the truth should have come out a long time ago. A “secret” kept for years is much harder to heal from then if you confront the situation when it presents itself. But GOD is a good GOD and place situations in our lives to teach us.

All I ask you to do is keep the faith, remain steadfast, trust and love your husband and never forget to Thank GOD everyday for is blessing, for making you a strong determined women.

You will never forget the to you but need to forgive. So you can move forward.

I just want to say, as a product of an affair, the pain never really goes away for the child (or at least for me it hasn’t). And, even though I had absolutely nothing to do with my father’s trifling ways, the affect it had on the children really should be subject of priority. His wife at the time was extremely, extremely malicious, callous, and she succeeded in making me feel the lowest of low.

As a 25yr old married woman, though I understand her pain now, I still don’t understand her anger towards me. It was bad. I was a secret child well into my late teens and even trying to connect to my paternal family is STILL difficult. I was never able to build a solid relationship with my sister from his marriage because the situation caused her much pain too. But because my mother is the God-fearing woman that she is, she never allowed me to disrespect my father nor did she talk bad about him no matter how much pain his lies and deceit caused her, myself, siblings and other family members.

I think getting married had truly grown me up. I now understand God’s love to the fullest and actually try to really connect with my father now because I realize though he was the cause, he has experienced great pain as well.

But I shared all this to say, for those unfortunate enough to find themselves in this situation, please please PLEASE keep in mind how you treat the child if one is a product of the indiscretion. In the black community we tend to sweep things under the rug when they really need to be addressed. And while you may think some things are better left unsaid, it’s unfair for the child to be mistreated AND not in the know of the situation that brought them about. I found out about my existence in a very cold, abrupt manner and I think to this day, I would have handled it better had my parents sat down and told me the truth.

Anyway, God is amazing and with him, anyone can conquer anything, but the trauma an adult can cause an innocent child will never be forgotten…believe me.

It’s comforting to know that there are others out there in the exact situation I was in. Husband of several years involved in an extramarital affair that produced a child.

I remember when my husband admitted to the affair and although I was completely hurt by the “event” I had to remember this was my husband and I made a vow to GOD to love him through everything and try to forgive him through time and prayer.

I then became confronted with a 2 month old baby boy who had nowhere to go because his mother was forced to go back to her country. Do I turn the child away, my husband’s child? When my husband shared the situation with his son with me, I asked him to bring the child home (Needless to say my son never sees his biological mother).

I then became faced with raising our 2 1/2 year old daughter (at the time) and a 2 month old son. I questioned if would I be able to provide love to him knowing that he was a result of the broken promise my husband made to me. How do I explain to our daughter why mommy didn’t have the baby. How can I run a household full of peace and love.

As the love grew so profoundly between the children and myself the faith, trust and love deteriorated with physical and verbal abuse from my husband. How could something that should have brought us together and made us stronger tear us apart? I resolved that my husband, who was not filled with GODs love could not truly forgive himself, instead opting to find comfort in drugs, alcohol and abusing me.

My husband and I have been divorced for 6 years now.

I feel the greatest gift GOD blessed me with during my 15 year marriage was our lovely 15 year old daughter and a beautiful 12 year old son who I call my own.

My daughter, son, and I live in peace, harmony, and love. I don’t consider him any different than her and love him just as much because he is MY son…