Do you have a “Mommy body”?

Lifestyle

by Lamar Tyler | on December 21st, 2009 | 12 comments

bmwkwomanfitness

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I went out to lunch recently with two (childless) friends. As we poured over the menu, one friend remarked, “Oh, I don’t know what I want. I’m trying to stick to this diet and lose these last 10 pounds.”

Now, girlfriend looks fine. Flat tummy, slender legs, etc.

I roll my eyes. “Girl, I will show you 10 pounds.” I gesture toward my little tummy for emphasis as I sigh reluctantly and peruse the salad section.

My friends, perhaps sensing some forthcoming body bashing, jumped right in. “No, girl, stop! You look great! Especially for having two kids.”

“I don’t want to look great for having two kids. I want to look great PERIOD,” I replied.

I don’t know what I wanted them to say, but it always bothers me when we start talking about a mother’s body. Should there be a rush to lose the weight so quickly?

I see-saw between the two options every day. On one hand, I didn’t just gain 20 pounds for the heck of it, I actually grew a human inside me, two actually. Two deliciously chunky 9 pound babies that wrecked havoc on my petite 4’11’’ frame. Because I’m so short, the babies had nowhere to go but out. My belly, while it’s gone down considerably, still has a little shelf that I fear no amount of sit-ups and crunches will ever get rid of.

But on the other hand, isn’t that an excuse? Am I really so busy that I can’t make it through a 20-minute workout 4 times a week?

I’ve started my workout routine once again, to see if I can in fact tone up and get the body I’ve always wanted – yes, even after two kids.

Fellas, be real with me. Do you expect your wives to be somewhere in the vicinity of how much she weighed before she had kids? How long is too long to carry around the baby weight?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (12)

Min Monday - 21 / 12 / 2009 Reply

My husband has a thing about weight. He's a very visual person and would ideally like for his wife to look a certain way. Having said that, there was a bit of pressure to start losing the weight as soon as physically possible (I had a C-section). Even now, with my youngest child being 2 years old, its still an issue for him that I carry around that extra 10lbs of "baby weight". To him, after a year that's too long to carry it around and yes, he'd prefer me to be my pre-baby weight. He says I was more confident then and that's probably right. I am super self-conscious about my weight because like you I'm 4'11" so the weight attaches itself to places I don't like. And before I started having kids, I was VERY petite. Once I made it up in my mind to lose weight for me, it started dropping off just like that. I think it's more of a mental thing as to whether you're ready and willing to lose the weight. Once you REALLY want to do it, no matter how busy you are , you'll make time. At least that's what happened with me
Christine Monday - 21 / 12 / 2009 Reply

The last ten pounds is definitely hard to lose because I think you tend to go back to bad habits and mostly comfort food. The holidays can also be challenging time to lose that mommy weight because you're either cooking rich fattening food or your being served the food. Plus, you're lying around all day at someone's munching on foods that will easily take you over the 1,500 cal. mark. What's a mom to do? Discipline and keep an eye on the prize...
cocoamommy Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

Although I have worked out over the past 10 years and during both pregnancies(last pregnancy 3 years ago) it is really tough get the abs in shape. My challenge for the new year is to start running in addition to my weight training and to cut as many carbs(my nemesis-rice, potatoes, grits, bread(any kind) as I can. I love Xmas so as you see my goal (not resolution) is to start running after the holidays. The key is to convince ourselves we have to make the time to condition our bodies. When you start to see results in 4-6 weeks it really motivates you to keep it going.
force factor Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

I was looking for a something like this. then I got around this force factor and ordered Force Factor. It worked well for me!
SpenserAvery Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

AAHHhhh!! The eternal conversation about weight. Being a male I carry my weight different from a woman (Duh!). Society also allows me to keep on more pounds without any criticism at all (another-Duh!). So, with that said. Does every man want a supermodel? Yes! To date and show off. When I first met my wife we were both very active and busy all of the time. With the kids, the house and the daily stress that life brings, our weight has been up & down. Well now that we are not so young anymore. Weight has become an issue for ME. Notice that I didn't say HER weight. But 'our' weight. As we age and the health issues of our parents become our own. No matter what the ailment weight is always something to be best kept off & maintained to keep you healthy. Yes! I would love for her to be the size and shape from when we met. As she would like me to be, also. The kids are 15 & 22. She has taken the weight off and on over the years. Me 2. But my point is that at this stage of our lives, it is more about 'our' health than having a show piece on my arm. I "MARRIED" my wife because I saw a woman that I could grow and raise a family with and not just to have someone to show off. So try to look YOUR best while keeping YOUR health up, Ladies. We love more than just your looks. And ladies. Every man is taught to look at your mother to see where you will be later in life. Right or wrong. We are ALL taught that.
Donielle Michele Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

Well I've always been "big boned"....lol! I also, for the past 10 years, hve been working out. After I had my boys (1 and2) I have been extremely self conscious about my body. I have developed a deeper respect for myself and what I have to offer within because of the outer "imperfections." My husband loves and loves on me just fine but I still want to lose more weight for myself. Women will always be pressured and expected to lose weight while men can look like "who did it and ran!" It's just our society and the way we were taught.
African American Mom Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

Ooooo, Tara, maybe you should have waited until after the Holidays because those cakes and pies will be tempting! LOL! I am sure you will find 20 minutes in your day, maybe after the kids have gone to bed or before they wake up. I grab my 30 minutes right after my last child has closed his eyes and right before I load the dishwasher. I don't change clothes or put on any special shoes. I just go at it full force---me and Comcast On Demand. Just find your time and place. You can do it! .-= African American Mom´s last blog ..TMI, but bare with me... =-.
Aja Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

I'm right there with you Tara, trying to find time . I was waking up early for a little while but I realize that I might value that extra sleep a little more.
MTM Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

I am pregnant with my second, and I can't wait to get my regular body back after I deliver. Luckily, with breastfeeding, I lost the baby weight quickly from the first. I feel like I owe it to myself and to my husband not to let myself go.
Anna Tuesday - 22 / 12 / 2009 Reply

It can be easy to lose the baby weight(when you are young or a Super Model) . Yes sometimes a man thinks that since you gained 30-40 lbs while pregnant that you should lose the weight right after delivery. C'mom, the baby only weighed 7-8 lbs. I found that I was bigger days after delivery than the last weeks of my pregnancy. Why do men get a pass for gaining weight and women get chastised, when we are the ones who have the babies. I will say that my son did gain 20 lbs durning his gf pregnancy. My son use to blow away with the wind and now he can push my car out the snow(due to his extra pregnancy weight) LOL.
Judas Wednesday - 23 / 12 / 2009 Reply

I found time. I made time. It wasnt about him or anyone else. It was about ME. It was about how i felt and how i looked to myself. I am glad I joined CURVES. I can now look in the mirror and see who I like.
Autumn burton Wednesday - 19 / 05 / 2010 Reply

Loved it, bookmarking it now.