The Mean Time in the Meantime
by Harriet Hairston
So…yeah. Last week was rough for my husband and I. My mama told me there would be times like this, and true to form, she was right. Her example with my father also taught me what it means to stay and fight through the battle until an amicable resolution can be agreed upon. They danced, laughed, went to dinner and prayed their way through their disagreements. When all the dust settled, they were still together, stronger than ever, and reassuring my brother and I that nothing could separate us as a family.
But what’s the rest of the story? Between the issue’s genesis and its resolution–what I like to call “the MEAN TIME in the meantime”–what kinds of tools can be employed to forge a couple’s bond in the midst of (and in spite of) disagreement?
- ENHANCE SOMETHING OLD: My parents would always get to the root of what made them fall in love with one another, and when difficult times arose, they reminded themselves about what they loved about each other. During this time, my husband and I have laughed until tears came to our eyes, because in the midst of disagreement, we always loved to make each other laugh.
- TRY SOMETHING NEW: I would come home to my parents dancing to Marvin Gaye’s record or the pre-crack-is-wack Whitney Houston. I knew that in the midst of their disagreements, I would hear some new music instead of yelling and cursing. The new thing my husband and I engaged in was morning and evening devotional time. Now don’t get me wrong…we always prayed for one another, but we very rarely prayed TOGETHER. It’s working wonders!
- TAKE A WHACK AT THE BORROWED: My parents surrounded themselves with couples older than them whose relationships stood the tests of time, sickness, betrayal and loss, yet they remained in love. They would draw off the wisdom of those couples to strengthen their own relationship in the difficult times. My husband and I are surrounded by the wisdom of relatives and friends who give us wise counsel. Their transparency about past difficulties help us borrow tools that work best for us to strengthen our bond beyond our disagreement.
- REMEMBER: AFTER THE STORM, THE SKY WILL STILL BE BLUE: After the storm and the rain, we have determined that we will still be standing–TOGETHER–when all is said and done. If we can endure the worst of storms, there is no sense in our marriage failing when the sun comes out and the skies are blue.
The mean time in the meantime of a disagreement can either make or break a marriage. Each spouse needs to understand that the steps we take during the storm are crucial fortifying or destroying forces that will determine the future of our relationships. Some spouses commit adultery, and yet others shut down. For Patrick and I, we decided to take it back to our vows and covenant. We will come out stronger as a result.
What kinds of tools do you employ in your mean time in the meantime?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.
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