Are You a Good Friend?
by Harriet Hairston
How can we become the friends we look to ourselves when mean times come upon us? What do YOU do when your worst fears come upon you as a couple? Financial hardship was my worst fear. Then when our son had to be hospitalized, losing him became our worst fear at that time. For others, it may be unemployment, adultery, or betrayal. What I want to discuss today is what we should do when the people we know and are close to go through their own mean times.
I know I’ve written about this topic before, but it bears more weight now. A couple that I love very much just suffered a terrible personal loss. For the sake of their privacy, I won’t discuss the details, but I will discuss how to approach situations like this. Please keep in mind this is not a hard and fast list that will work for every circumstance, but just a few pointers to prevent doing further damage to the emotional state of your friends and loved ones going through.
Do:
- Offer spiritual support: I’m a Christian, and although I acknowledge the fact that everyone does not subscribe to the same beliefs I hold dear, that does not stop me from lifting up a situation to the God I serve in prayer. When you say you’re going to pray, DO IT! It’s not lip service.
- Mourn with those who mourn: Even when things are going well in your life, try not to be introspective and think that everyone’s circumstances are just as beneficial as your own.
- Give space and privacy when it is requested: There’s nothing worse than someone crowding your personal space when you just want some quiet time to register what has taken place.
Don’t:
- Casually throw scriptures around: again, I’m a Christian, and I’ve found that the worst thing a person can do to me when I’ve suffered a loss is to mis-apply a scripture to my situation. Yes, pray and seek God, but if you’re going to give scriptures to comfort someone, PLEASE let it be in the right season and context.
- Tell someone how they SHOULDN’T be feeling. When loss and maladies take place, you don’t know how you would react unless you have actually been in those exact shoes. Be encouraging, but don’t try to equate how you THINK a person should be responding to what they’re actually doing. Unless hints of suicide are being displayed, let emotions run their course.
- Be available when asked to be.
Hopefully you’ll never have to go through some of the circumstances that call for a list like this to be referred to. However, when storms come, they don’t just affect bad people…good people bear the brunt of the winds as well. If–and more than likely when–bad things happen, I hope you can be the friend you would like to lean on when your time comes.
God bless!
~ Harriet
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cherise George
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http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet
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Anna
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Mic
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