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by Ronnie Tyler | on January 15th, 2010 | 21 comments

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by Ronnie

Is it a compliment when someone says you don’t sound black? Recently I had a conversation with a co-worker and he told me that for years he would hear me giving status on conference calls and he did not know that I was black. He said I was always so professional and articulate. He basically meant that I did not sound black. Judge me if you want to, but deep down inside I was happy to hear that. OK, so I did not tell you that this co-worker was also black… does that make his statement OK? Not Really. What if a white co-worker told me that I did not sound black..would I be offended?…Probably! Is this a double standard…most definitely!! Personally, I don’t like the fact that speaking incorrect English is associated with speaking Black. However, this stereotype is a reality. Many people of all races use incorrect English. And even they are accused of speaking Black.

So why was I secretly happy to hear that I did not sound “Black?” Because it is something that I have been self conscious about since I started my career. I know that if I slip up and use incorrect english or if I use any slang, that this sterotype will be used against me. Most people can use slang and they are seen as funny and witty. If I use slang or incorrect English, perhaps I will be excluded from future opportunites. At the very least, if I use slang or incorrect English around people at work, it gives them license to start using slang with me in every conversation. I even put this theory to the test (accidentally.)

My manager used to play this annoying game at the beginning of our weekly meetings. I guess it was her way of breaking the ice before we started with project status. Basically when we announced ourselves, we had to say hello in another language. (Gag me with a spoon.) I hated this and at the start of every meeting I quickly googled how to say hello in different languages. Week after week after week it was: “Shalom, it’s Ronnie joining,” or “Hola, it’s Ronnie joining,” or “Ciào. it’s Ronnie joining.” So one week I decided to get cute or maybe just lazy, and I said: ” Howdy Yall it’s Ronnie joining.” And she was tickled pink. She could not stop laughing. She said Ronnie what was that and I said it is Southern. It did not dawn on me that she thought I was speaking slang or black. I mean really “Howdy Yall”????? C’mon Son (ha ha…now that’s Black!!)

But needless to say a few weeks later, she decided to switch that game up and said hello in a different language to each of us before we gave our status. So when it was my time, you will never guess what she said to me. She said “Yo Yo Yo What’s Up Ronnie.” I was LIVID!!!! It was like I was having an out of body experience. I said: “Excuse me, did you just say yo yo yo to me…why would you say that to me of all people on the call? I mean Kevin got: “Bon dia Kevin what’s your status ?” and Khushru got: “Namaste Khushru what’s your status?” But I get yo yo yo What’s up?” By the way, I was the only black person on her team. She said: “I was just copying you from a few weeks back.” I said: “I was trying to speak in a Southern dialect which is why I said howdy yall and I even told you that.” But of course she did not hear that…she heard ” Yo Yo Yo what’s up my ni**az Ronnie’s in the house!!! So I did not go all A.B.W on her ( ha ha ..that’s another stereotype for another post) I just moved on with my updates.

I am still angry about that…I was laughing and angry as I typed that last paragraph!! And this week’s incident with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid brought this memory back to me. Senator Reid has been under fire since insensitive remarks that he made in private conversations during the 2008 presidential campaignwere released.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid apologized Saturday for making racially insensitive remarks about Barack Obama during the presidential campaign. Journalists Mark Halperin and John Heilemann reported the remarks in their new book, “Game Change,” which is scheduled to be in bookstores Tuesday.

The authors quote Reid as saying privately that Obama, as a black candidate, could be successful thanks, in part, to his “light-skinned” appearance and speaking patterns “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to
have one.”

I am on the fence about how I feel about Reid’s comments. Alone those comments are not enough to make me want to call for his resignation. I think I would need to do a little more research into his record as a Senator and also determine if he had a habit of making such comments which I read that he does. But I am still not ready to weigh in on this one. However in reading several blogs, I am finding that many black people agree with Reid and say that he is only stating what others have been feeling all along. When I read the words “with no Negro dialect” I say to myself, that’s what they are thinking and Reid actually said it out loud.

BMWK Family – Am I the only person self conscious about this sterotype? (The answer is probably yes as the BMWK Family is very articulate…are yall black..ha ha just kidding…lighten up…get it… lighten up. Sorry I couldn’t resist.) Do you speak one way at work and another way at home (code switching?) This is really not a post about Senator Reid..but feel free to leave a comment about how you feel about his comments.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and their latest documentary Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

So to answer the question, using incorrect English is not acceptable (regardless of race.) So we limit the ain’ts and correct each other at home as much as possible. We do us esome slang, but we have to be careful with that because of the kids. We have one child in high school and he needs to know that using slang when speaking to adults or presenting in class is not appropriate. So I find my self saying ” Excuse..I am not one of your friends …rephrase that.” He is in AP English and it is a challenge for him….but he is doing a good job. However, prior to being accepted in the AP English class where they expect a lot from the kids, his teachers would not correct his grammar. I used to make him re-write his assignments and he would say I don’t want to…the teachers don’t care.
http://www.cisterspeak.com Candi

At home we speak “proper” english. Growing up my pet peeve was being told I sound white because I pronounce my words as I was talk to do in school. I used to switch it up when I was a teen and in my early twenties to fit in but after that…please, I pronounce my words clearly.

Luckily it’s easy for us to do at home and we keep it up no matter where we are. I don’t know if it helps that for both of us English was a second language. I’m African and grew up speaking portuguese at home and he’s Jamaican so getting through Patois was something else. He sounds hilarious when he tries to use his “barbershop slang” as he calls it. It’s just not him. But we’re both in the “white collar” world where that type of lingo is never heard so the transition from work to home is no bother.

Not to mention, “You know what I’m saying?” bugs me to no end sometimes because it’s been OVERLY abused.
.-= Candi´s last blog ..“Shhh…” Do You Hide Purchases From Your Spouse? =-.
http://www.cisterspeak.com Candi

Meant to say taught not talk, sorry.
.-= Candi´s last blog ..“Shhh…” Do You Hide Purchases From Your Spouse? =-.
Crystal

I have gotten this all my life. From family members to friends….I constantly hear “you sound white or you talk so proper.” My response in my mind has always been “I’m speaking English”, the same as everyone else but I have chosen to enunciate and pronounce my words. I’m from the South and many people will even go as far as to ask me if I’m from the North because of how I speak. I work in an corporate healthcare setting but I’ve always spoken like this since I was a child. I’m one of those people who sticks to something when it’s first taught to me. When I learned proper grammar as a child, it stuck with me. I tried, as well Candi, to speak slang in high school & part of college to fit in. People around me quickly told me to just be me. So I will always proudly be me, an ENUNCIATOR & someone who never takes the “-er” off of a word…lol. (I sound really weird & strange when I try to speak slang/”black”-whatever that is anyway)
http://www.africanamericanmom.blogspot.com African American Mom

Ronnie my child is in the 3rd grade and the teachers don’t correct his assignments either. I stay on his you know what about making good sentences clear and concise. I correct him at every chance I get and for the very reason you do. I need him to know how to get his ideas across to people and be understood by all.

I have often been told I sound white too. I don’t like it. I would rather somone tell me I don’t fit the stereotype. That would mean so much more because it is actually what I am trying to do.
.-= African American Mom´s last blog ..Help Haiti =-.
http://www.ajadorseyjackson.com Aja

The “you don’t sound Black” comments are more than annoying to me. I used to work as a 411 operator and I remember once putting someone on hold but I could still hear her say to the person in the background- “She doesn’t sound Black but she has a Black name.”
I just feel like as why would a colleague fell it necessary to comment on my speech? As colleagues and equals I feel that it should be a given that I am articulate enough to hold my position. I work in an area that is made up of predominately low income Whites. I hear improper English spoken all day long, not because these people are trying to sound “Black”, but because that’s how they speak. Yet I’ve never heard a White person “complimented” on their use of proper English. I have always secretly wanted to randomly go up to a White person and react with surprise in their ability to speak well.
TeS

Ronnie I am sitting here smiling, funny thing this same thing happened to me a bout three months ago, after many conference calls, I finally met one of the conference call participants, a black woman, and in the company of many of our co-workers of various races she told me she thought I was white because I did not sound black while on the conf. call. So it is something that happens … TeS
MTM

I don’t know why it rubs me the wrong way that you would be happy that you “don’t sound black.” I guess it seems like you are distancing yourself from your culture. I “sound white” on the phone, but I am never proud to have anyone point that out. I speak professionally in professional settings, but I think that Black English has an important place in our culture, and although our children are too young to be in school, I will teach them that there is a place to speak professionally, and there is a place where you can kick back and speak according to your culture. As a Haitian American, I liken Black English to Creole, or Jamaican Patois — the language spoken at home, among familiars, and in the street.
JM

This is my first time posting, I just had to comment! I get the same type of remarks, except that people comment on how well I speak French (no accent, etc) ; I was born in Africa and English is my second laguage (sort of…). This bothers me because I think a lot of people don’t realize that French and English are the primary languages of most countries of the African continent. I also speak English well (some people are surprised when I tell them that I was not born here). Everytime someone asks me where I am from and I tell them they go….”Oh, you speak French so well that I thought you were from…..” but never a country close to mine! I guess it rubs me the wrong way because people are so ignorant sometimes! I am very proud to be african and I wouldn’t trade for the world.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

Typically when people say you sound “black” they usually mean something negative. You are very professional…you don’t sound black…what is that to say to someone. Or You speak proper English..so you sound white. I am not distancing myself from my culture. There is a time and a place for everything…..and the workplace is not a place to kick back speak the language of the streets. I was secretly happy when my co-worker made his comments because I was glad that he noticed that I was professional…..I am typically the only black person on my teams and I work with people from all over the world. Many of them already have a negative perception of black people and I hope that I am doing my part to change that perception.
Anna

I get this all the time. It does not bother me. I have my own curiousity sometimes. once I was talking to this man on the phone and it started out really professional, furthur into the conversation I noticed something kind of changed in his speaking. I said to him “may I ask you a personal question” , he said yes, I said “are you black? He said yes, for some reason I know when I am talking to a black person on the other end. The white man who pays my salary gets amazed when a customer that he has only talked to on the phone comes into the office and he finds out they are black. I can tell they are black. I am not sure if it’s because I live in the Midwest and we blacks tend to enunciate even more than most whites. I am guilty of changing it up in the office, when certain people come in I speak differently. I think it’s because I am mixed and older and back in the day the blacks didn’t claim you and the whites sure weren’t going to claim you, so I learned to be a chamelon long ago. LOL. I was wrong once. I have talked to this guy many times over the years. When I finally met him at a meeting I was confused. LOL. If we were not wearing name tages I would not have picked him out of a crowd unless he spoke. He sounds black over the phone but he’s just a “white country boy” I say that with respect. He doesn’t talk slang or anything, he just has a black mans voice, like he could sing some R&B. Since I am sterotyping, I know when I am talking to a Blonde over the phone. LOL.
http://joanofalltrades.blogspot.com joanofalltrades

Love the title of your post! I do believe Reid is just saying out loud what a million people are thinking in private. A couple of days ago, I was at a traffic light and a man had bumper stickers all over all of his windows (not his bumper) that said, “Impeach Obama” and an acronym for OBAMA that stood for One Big A$$ Mistake America. The hatred runs deep in Georgia! Anyway back to your post. I could write a book on the topic. If I had a dollar for every time someone called me white or told me I speak so well, I’d be rich. Many black people are very talented in their code switching, but for every codeswitcher out there, there are probably 2 black people who have not mastered the skill. Consequently, being black becomes synonymous with being completely ignorant. I tend to believe that ignorance runs rampant in all races. Since I’ve lived in the south, I have been approached by several people of all races with questions like, “is that your real hair or what are you or do you have indian in your family?” What?! Who cares? Will you treat me differently based on how I respond to those questions? I went into Walgreens to pick up some pictures and there was a problem. I told the manager that U had spoken to someone on the phone about the pictures, but I didn’t know the person’s name. He had the nerve to ask if the person was black or white. I was like, “how would I know? I didn’t know that could be determined over the phone.” I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t get a picture of what a person looks like in mind when I’m on the phone, but it sounds really ignorant to ask somebody that Just sayin’… Sorry for the long comment
.-= joanofalltrades´s last blog ..Happy New Year! =-.
http://www.twitter.com/prettygrey_eyez MissJay

I get that all the time as well. I “code switch” but for the most part I pronounce my words correctly. Not only have I been told I sound white, I’ve been told that I was mixed because of my skin color and light eyes. But that’s a different conversation for a different post. When I first got my former job I had a customer call in to place an order. She was from Georgia and went on and on about how China was the enemy. I’m sure she assumed that I was a white woman and that it was ok to go on and on about China like that. All I could think about was how she didn’t know who she was talking to. I’m not Chinese but she didn’t know that. I wanted so bad to tell her that I was part Chinese and took offense to what she said, just so I could hear the reaction. The one thing I’ve been asked a lot is if I’m from the south since to most people feel I have a southern accent.
http://sophistishe.com Sheena @ Sophistishe

This has been on my mind lately. I thought of writing about it too. I am very self conscious about the way I talk, the things I’ve picked up growing up. I even thought about practicing speech because my words don’t come out “right”. Sometimes I want to say ain’t or type it and I think that others will think I don’t know any better when doing this. I am really careful when speaking to other races because I don’t want to be seen as just another ghetto black girl. It’s sad.
.-= Sheena @ Sophistishe´s last blog ..Popinjay: Toolbox of Hope =-.
Anna

Sheena @ Sophistishe January 17, 2010 at 12:58 am
This has been on my mind lately. I thought of writing about it too. I am very self conscious about the way I talk, the things I’ve picked up growing up. I even thought about practicing speech because my words don’t come out “right”. Sometimes I want to say ain’t or type it and I think that others will think I don’t know any better when doing this. I am really careful when speaking to other races because I don’t want to be seen as just another ghetto black girl. It’s sad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We know what we know and what we were taught. Some people like to use the word “mines” , vs mine. Mine already identifies that it’s yours. Fantasia said ” 2010 Is Mines. Mines to me is more than one Coal Mine. Some people say “I take care of mines(meaning their family). It is correct to say “I take care of mine’. It is up to us to correct or undo what some of us were taught. You noticed that you want to change and that’s cool. My dad loves the letter “S”. Not sure if it’s because he’s from Mississippi or loved watching Sesame Street with us. LOL. My daddy never forgets to call me on me bday but he says “Happy Birth(s)day. And no he does not have a lisp. LOL. Why am I laughing as I am typing? I am still laughing. My dad does not have a lisp, but if he did I would still love him. He just adds the letter “S” when he talks.. He migrated up North before I was a twinkle in his or my moms eyes. @ Sheena, if people don’t accept you as you are it’s really their loss. But for you to want to change “you” is the gift that only you at your stage in life can give to yourself. I try to lean a new word each month, spelling and orgin. I am stuck on a word that did not have to be looked up. “WOW”. I still wonder why the word “ain’t” is a word. I use it sometimes, but why is there a ” ‘ ” in the word? Doesn’t means does not, Shouldn’t t means should not. What the heck is up with “Aint’t. I never heard of “aint not”. LOl.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

Anna you are too funny!! And Sheena I feel exactly the same as you.
d

Here’s what bothers me….people turn a blind eye to the fact that every RACE has their OWN slang…white people have used “Cowabunga (from Bart Simpson), rad (short for radical), etc. Other races have also created their own slang. So if someone says “You sound white (and you are black)….what EXACTLY does that mean? It CAN”T mean that you are professional/smart based on their use of standard English because they use slang too!

What’s missing in the conversation however is that proper ENGLISH is just that for ALL people. So while EVERYONE uses some form of slang, in the workplace and when appropriate we should ALL use STANDARD english!
http://www.twitter.com/prettygrey_eyez MissJay

That’s the whole point though @d, why is it that using proper english makes people “sound white”? That is what’s really not fair/right.
Cassandra

Hi Ronnie,

Thanks for sharing your post. I’m an African American English teacher in South Korea. I teach English with several other native English speakers from England, South Africa, Ireland, Australia and Canada. You may find this comment to be a bit interesting. Koreans learned about “White English” and “Black English” from Americans only. South Africans don’t even have such a strong discrepancy between “White and Black English”.
Working with my collegues and meeting other native English speaking teachers here in Korea really has been an eye opener. “Proper” American English isn’t highly looked upon by other native English speakers. As I listened to their viewpoints and engaged into meanful dialog with them, I woke up. English didn’t derive from America or the North American continent. Americans, the founding fathers who are of no relation to me, changed the dialect of English.
Let’s rewind, if English were to be spoken in its proper state, then English speakers, in order to be considered proper, would speak with an English dialect. This is not the case for Americans. Americans speak in a different dialect. Within the American dialect are several subcultural dialects. For example, Americans from Massachusetts usually do not pronounce the letter R in words such as car, explorer, register and so on. However, this does not mean that they, citizens of Mass., do not use proper grammar.
Here’s my point, “sounding white” does not equate to speaking proper English. I speak proper English with a Black dialect (Black dialect doesn’t equate to speaking poor English. It simply means that if one was blind and were to guess my ethnicity, then they would guess African American because of the dictation of my words whether used correctly or incorrectly). I grew up being the only Black student in my classes or in activites. In one occurence while in college, I stated to a fellow classmate (who of course was white) that I needed her to expound on the information with which she shared. She was puzzled. She thought that the word expound was a ghetto terminology. After I gave her a definition of the word expound, she looked it up to make sure that it was an actual word. I was offended beyond measure, but I held my peace.
After webster confirmed that expound was an actual word I told her (with as much patience as I could muster) that I’m Black. I further explained to her that I speak as though I’m Black, I’m not ashamed that I speak in such a manner, and that Black isn’t synonomous with ignorant, hood, ghetto or slang speaking. I can’t even begin to share how often my proper English was questioned then confirmed because I don’t SOUND like a White American.
I said all of that to say that it’s sad that thousands of African Americans and other Black people (Black Canadians, Carribean Americans, ect) have to deal with this insecurity of speech. Proper English is when one uses grammatical English correctly, bottom line. Racial tension, which has not been dealt with from long ago, is setting the standards for what is and isn’t proper English. This shouldn’t be. Northerners sound differently from southerners who sound differently from citizens along the east coast, who sound differently from British citizens who sound.. I think the picture is painted vividly here. We’ve created an opening for political change/liberation. Now is the to begin a languistic revolution. There’s no need to pass this “White English” “Black English” foolishness to the next generations.

There’s much more that I wanted to explain and share, but the thoughts expeditiously were running through my mind. I tried my best to catch up.
Biculturalwifenmom

Excuse my terminology ahead of time, I’m just using common terms, even if they’re incorrect as descriptors.

I come from a family of “proper” English speaking, code switching folks. Me, my parents, and siblings. We all speak what people might incorrectly call “white,” because our mother was an English teacher and both of our parents just spoke articulately in general. So when we were home, there were no aints, finnas, ‘nems, or anything of the sort, but living in a probably 98% Black city, knowing the lingo was a matter of social survival. For me, having started out in a primarily white private school, when I transferred to public school (even in the so-called gifted program), it was a crash-course in BESL (Black English as a Second Language), because I got grief from students and teachers alike for talking, acting, and dressing white (I was pretty preppy back then, and damn it I looked good). So imagine my English teacher mother’s horror when I came home talking about some “a’on know” and “I’m finna go downa street right quick.” In that instant my code-switching tendency was born. Funnily enough though, all the Black people I hang with (and their families) are in a similar situation, normally speak very articulately in regular old dictionary words, but have to switch on the slang and start dropping syllables in certain situations. You know how we do.

To confuse my situation further, in my household (Me, Hubby, and Little one), we speak primarily Spanish because my husband is AfroLatino, but I speak academic, school, overly articulate Spanish (or I did when we got together). My husband speaks his local Spanish, which to me is like Black Spanish, because the grammar patterns and the changes in pronunciation are similar to the way we adjust words in “Black” dialect English, also the people are mostly Black (in varying degrees). So when we first got together I was like “What did you say?” because he (and everyone else) was running words together real fast and cutting off letters and syllables and I didn’t know what was going on. Obviously we overcame that hurdle soon enough, and so now I am code switching in two languages, so I guess I sound white in English and Spanish hehehehe

P.S. IRREGARDLESS IS A DOUBLE NEGATIVE. IT DOES NOT MEAN REGARDLESS. STOP USING IT. Add to that ecscape, and axed. Wrong wrong wrong.
Dee

What a great topic!!… Hi, my name is Dee and I am a code switcher…I am pretty sure that I have gotten several of the jobs that I have had in my career because I can sound like a educated white man when I am on the phone doing a phone interview. Interesting that the majority of folks who responded to this are code switchers and not the people who belittle code switching. I too have been told by people specifically family that I talk white, and if it stopped there it would not be so insidious. But let me take this to the level where it really hits home. I have been told specifically that I must think that I am white because of the way that I speak. That is what a lot of people (read black folks) are getting at when they say that someone “talks white”. I have heard people say that someone was not “Keeping it real” if they talked white. For many it seems this is used to maintain a caste system where those who “speak white” are not part of the black experience and have “sold out”. So I think it goes a lot deeper than dialects and colloquialisms to our basic insecurities as a race. Why do you think the term “oreo” was originated? Because someone was black but spoke well. Yet I do it, I code switch, and I think I do it because it makes me more relatable to my audience. But I have found that I do it less and less as I get older, as I just don’t feel like I have the time or inclination to change the way I speak based on my surroundings. I guess I am more secure now, or maybe just more impatient.

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