Renewing Your Vows: Tacky or Beautiful?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on February 5th, 2010 | 22 comments

wedding600

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I’ve been planning our 10-year vow renewal since we got back from our honeymoon. Seriously. Call me crazy if you want. (Although now I’m thinking of pushing it back to our 20-year-anniversary.)

To me, there is something to be said for vow renewals. I love when people who have been together through the storms and trials of life, look over at their spouse and say, “Yup, I would do it all over again with you.” That’s beautiful to me. In my eyes, it’s almost more touching than the actual wedding.

Others might say the vows are still valid – what’s the point if you still mean the same thing, making the same pledge to the same person? I guess I believe in those grand displays of love, at least periodically. To pledge your love to your spouse in front of the people you care about the most. You might have a few more wrinkles, the twinkle in their eyes might have dimmed a little bit, the hair might be a little thinner and the waist a little thicker, but it’s still there. The love is still there.

What do you think? Are vow renewals beautiful? Or do you think they’re tacky? (Just so I know who’s not coming to mine! LOL)

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

2B>Carring

If you want to celebrate your love, by all means I say do it. We need more images and examples of couple’s love and especially “Black” couples’ love, and an event to celebrate 10+ years will only add to the list of examples needed. I would say for early years like 10 or 15, a smaller gathering (i.e., 10 to 25 guests) might be more classy. It says we’re not trying to be the “center of attention” AGAIN after a large wedding, but instead, we want to share this special moment with the closest people in our lives. Now, if you hit 25 or more years, than I’d say have the big bash. The longer periods and older ages deserve more splash.

I appreciate your article and question and it’s made me think better about my own anniversary. We’re coming up to 15 and like you, I’ve often thought about how to celebrate the longevity of our marriage. Responding to your article, I’ve convinced myself that an intimate celebration is the way to go.
FCG

I have been married 15 years and everytime I think of renewing my vows, I think of the expense of it all. Since we had a big wedding the first time, I don’t really feel that it is necessary to have the big party and ceremony, at least not yet. Maybe for our silver or golden anniversary. But even then I think I would treat it more like a celebration of love and not a recommitment. Everyday I choose to treat my husband with respect and care demonstrate my committement of love to him. I prefer to repeat the honeymoon, my favorite part of the whole wedding, every 5 years! With 4 children, 3 of them girls 17, 12, and 11, I figure my money would be better spent on their weddings which will probably happen sooner than I care to think, lol. I guess if we were to go through a particularly rough patch or if we hadn’t had a formal wedding, I would be more inclined. Your friends and family know how committed you are by looking at how you treat each other everyday.
Cheryl

I love the idea of vow renewals! We didn’t have a big, splashy wedding at all, and likely our vow renewal (as yet unplanned) next year for our tenth anniversary won’t be either. Just family and a few close friends. One thing I absolutely love is that we travel every year for our anniversary and my husband calls it a honeymoon every year.
http://www.thepeachpost.com Aarika

I think that vow renewals are wonderful. I believe that all couples should celebrate their love. There is nothing tacky about that.
Suzette

Go ahead and celebrate!!! Who cares what others think “Who is man that i should be mindful of him”. My only advise is don’t go into debt to do it. Plan it out, find ways to save money. And only and I mean only invite those who are really feelin’ you and your husband. My husband and I renewed our vows @ 5 yrs, we will be married 15 yrs this August and we plan on doing a really nice trip for us and our children. Please post some pics of the renewal please and thankyou :>)
Christina Grove

I don’t think it’s tacky at all, regardless of how you go about it. It can be as big or as intimate as you like, because just like your wedding, the day belongs to the two of you. In my mind, it helps people to reflect on the vows that many of us didn’t pay as much attention to in the excitement of the original day. And like you said Tara, it says if I knew then what I know now, I’d still do it all over again with you!

My dream is to renew my vows on a beautiful beach at sunset, with just the two of us. The plan was for 10 year anniversary, but seeing as that happens in April and we’ve not planned or saved/that might have to wait for 15 or 20. lol!
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/ Ronnie

If a person’s first wedding was tacky..then perhaps their vow renewal ceremony might be tacky too just kidding. But seriously, I love the idea and I am looking forward to renewing our vows too. But I agree with the comments above, and I don’t plan on going into debt to do this. We did not incur any debt from our first wedding and I plan to do the same to renew our vows.

For our wedding the Pastor was nervous…he skipped almost the entire section where we had to repeat vows to each other. It was like he prayed, he said a few things to us, asked who gives me away, went straight to the rings..and bang..you are married. It was the oddest thing. But I was just happy that day so I did not get angry.
.-= Ronnie´s last blog ..VIDEO:Philly Couple Celebrates 80 Years of Marriage! =-.
Judas

if that is what you see as a goal for you then go for it.

didnt renew my vows on the tenth. hubby and i went to Vegas for 7 days. We had a ball. Twelveth year we went to Hawaii for 8 days. We had a Ball. Fifteenth, we had a quiet time at home. Coming up on our twentieth. Would like to go to Italy for a week and across Europe the next week. In between the plane trips we do the hotels and area beaches.

Never thought about RENEWING my vows. I figure once is enough. lol.
http://misseloquence.wordpress.com Alcinia

I think its sweet… I only think its tacky when people who previously had a wedding (didn’t just go to the courthouse and get married) do the whole hooplah of the wedding gown, reception again. My aunt NEVER had a wedding and always wnated one so on her and my uncle’s 35th wedding anniversary they renewed their vows with the whole big wedding ordeal but. However, I think a nice tasteful ceremony and reception are very appropriate for those people who already have had a wedding. I love to see those grand displays of affection too! Gives me hope of love like that one day
.-= Alcinia´s last blog ..A Bit Different These Days =-.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

We had a good size wedding – about 150 people. But I was about six months postpartum, still breastfeeding and I kept freaking out that – TMI ALERT – I was going to leak on my dress! LOL. It would be nice to have a smaller ceremony where the kids are grown and my boobs are fine!

And no, no debt. That’s crazy!
.-= Tara´s last blog ..giving back because you can =-.
http://Edwardclee.com Edward

I think it is a good idea! A couple really does not typically realize the weight of their vows until they are several years in. For richer for poorer, sickness & health dot seem to be real until poorer and sickness sets in. So I say renew them as often as needed. Even if it is just my wife and I in an informal ceremony.
http://www.izania.com Roger Madison

I have attended a couple of “50 Year Renewals” and several other celebrations — 10 years, 25 years, etc. that have been heart warming. We have enjoyed 43 years of marital bliss. We have discussed a 50th year event, but I must say that I am not yet excited about the prospect. We celebrated those earlier milestones quietly and privately with a special vacation.

I wouldn’t say such events are tacky. They are very special to the people celebrating them. And it is important to them to share the occasion with others. Our wedding was attended by 5 other people. The required witness, the preacher, and 3 friends. If we have a 50th celebration, it won’t be to renew our vows. After keeping them for that long, renewal isn’t what is needed. The vows will have proved their value — ’til death do us part. The permanence of making a vow once, and keeping it is what seems most important to me.

There is a need for more examples of marital bliss among Black folks. The more the better!
Tamara

We got married at the courthouse (and LOVED IT) but we do want to renew our vows. Nothing big, not even sure if we want people to be there, may be just a quick ceremony on a tropical beach somewhere…
Jasmine

I have just begun to think about my husband and I’s vow renewal (we will be on our 10th year of marriage in 2011). I always knew that we would have one because we did not have a big wedding. I want my vow renewal to be a fun family filled event almost like a family reunion. For me it is very important due to the fact that this would be my fathers only chance to walk a daughter down the aisle and my husband understands and wants what I want.
Congratulations in advance IMO it isn’t tacky at all to have your vows renewed.
Anna

Renewing vows is not tacky if you are doing it for the the right reason. Fergie from the Black Eye Peas, renewed her vows but it was after a rumored stripper incident inolving her husband. They have not been married for a year, I find that tacky, and trying to save face for their careers. I find it sweet that people renew their vows, with or without a “audience”. @ Lamar, nothing wrong with planning your 10th anniversary renewal of vows on your honeymoon, it just means in your heart you were not only planning ahead, but committed. I am one of those who wanted to have a 10th anniversary wedding, I thought about it and bought bridal magazines, but it does sneak up on you. LOL. Life happens when you are having fun. I figure since I am 8 years away from 50(WOW) at the same time I will be 20 years married. I will start planning now for a 20th anniversary wedding. SSSSSSSSSHHHHHH, it’s a secret. LOL.
http://bloggingeverafter.wordpress.com {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After

I tried hard to find something tacky about renewing your vows, but I couldn’t find anything! I think it’d be beautiful; especially if you added new, deeper vows.
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..“Let’s try to live until we’re at least 94, ‘kay?” =-.
http://allianceediting.com Nikki M

To each his or her own. A vow renewal can be a beautiful statement of a long-lasting love. However, I think that renewing vows somehow implies that the vows have gotten old and raggedy and need to be refreshed. Instead, I think we should live each day renewing our commitment to our spouses, which is more meaningful than a reminder ceremony.
Lashonda Fletcher

I just renewed my vows in November. It was 10 years for us. We had a huge wedding and this time we did small and intimate. It cost us only $500.00. But, I’m very talented. I did the arch and the flowers. My hubby loves to bake and he did the cake. Everything was beautiful. People thought we spent thousands of dollars. All the suits came from Ebay brand new, with three pieces. My dress came from Dillards. I loved it. Everyone thought it was great to see a couple still in love with 3 kids. We felt it was something positive to show our kids. We want them to found true love and marriage as well.
Ife

I like the idea of renewing wedding vows. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and we were thinking of renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary. It will be a small ceremony as our wedding was a micro-wedding–only us and our witnesses in an intimate candle-lit ceremony. The renewal will include only close friends as we will be living in Panama at that time and only close friends would travel that far.
It’s not about the vows ‘expiring’. It’s about saying “YES” to each other all over again, and again, and again.
Marinesweetheart90

My husband is a US Marine who just got back from Afghanistan. We’ve only been married going on 3 years but this deployment was really hard on both of us towards the end because of some of the stuff his family was doing amongst some other things that had happened while he was gone, and shortly after getting him back home we couldn’t be in the same room without fighting. It almost tore our marriage apart. We’re better than great now, but we both want to do a vow renewal. Don’t get me wrong i loved our tiny little backyard wedding but i’ve always wanted a huge crazy themed thing. i think it’s a great idea!!!!!!!!! there is nothing tacky about a grand gesture to show you’re significant other you’re still head over heels for them.
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Miss Berverly

If you want to have a blow out crazy renew your vow ceromony with all the things like bridesmaids and etc.. I think that is beautful. NO one can tell you not to do that, just cause they would not. Maybe if people cherished marriage more there will be more renewing your vow ceromonies. Maybe people should pospone a big wedding ceremony when they tie the knot, then have a big one, maybe by then people will know the work it takes to be married and we wouldn’t have so many divorces. I think how grand it would be to go to a beautiful ceromony for two people that have made a committment and kept it and yes I would get them a present, who says you can’t get presents either, who is making all these rules about what is and isn’t tacky when it comes to your ceromony whether it’s your actual wedding or a big wedding you never had when renewing you vows. Enjoy your day whatever season it is in whatever fasion you are dreaming of. Note: If you don’t like what people are doing to celebrate their ceremony then don’t attend; But please keep your dark rain wedding opinions—- for your own cereomony. If you have had the wedding of your dreams or choosing or still waiting for yours, please let others enjoy their dream even if they have had to wait for years for their dreams to come true. Some things are worth waiting for and worth celebrating.