Black and Married With Kids.com – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

Supportive Spouses

Relationships

by  |  on February 2nd, 2010  |  15 comments

blackcouplebmwk

by Harriet Hairston

I’ve never been the cheerleading type.  I tried out for the squad, but I got tired of them always wanting to put me at the bottom of the pyramids.  LOL  Nevertheless, there’s something about having an encouraging spouse that warms my heart.  My husband is my biggest cheerleader, and the way he supports me in my endeavors is just…wow.

How do you support your spouse?  I try to encourage my husband not only in his career, but also in bringing his dreams to pass.  Some ways I try to do that are:

  • Ask what his wildest dreams are (and in  this context, that means his dreams outside the bedroom LOL).
  • Invest towards his dreams.  For example, my husband LOVES music, and right now, he’s teaching himself how to play guitar.  I do my best to budget towards getting him the equipment he needs to pursue that dream.
  • Applaud every baby step taken towards fulfilling that dream.  Slow and steady wins the race!
  • Cast the vision out and follow the guidelines of it, no matter how long it takes.
  • When your spouse gets discouraged, don’t allow them to give up on their dreams. Tell them how important their dreams are, not only to them individually, but to their children and  their children’s children.

Just like real dads do cheer, so do real spouses!  Cheer and encourage your spouse to greatness!

BMWK, how do you cheer your spouse on towards his or her wildest dreams?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher).  The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last.  She joyously writes for the site Black and Married with Kids and her own blog entitled “Can She SAY That?!?“  There is one more permanent label she holds:  ”author.”  Her first book, “Who Are You?” discusses how to introduce yourself to your identity in Jesus Christ. It will be available through Amazon.com in early March 2010.


About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.



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Comments (15)

  1. {Ms. P} Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Nothing beats a GREAT support system (especially in-house). .-= {Ms. P}´s last blog ..Stars Support "Warriors In Pink" on Valentine's Day =-.
  2. Lerone Rubin Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Great article
  3. Harriet Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I agree, Ms. P.! Thanks, Big Bro! .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
  4. {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I support my husband {Galen} by speaking to his love languages. Listening as he goes on and on about some passion of his that he knows darn well I couldn't care less about {comic books, sketching, mythology, martial arts} also makes him feel supported, and even more important, loved and respected. I've found that when he feels loved and respected by me, it translates into confidence and faith in himself in all the other {non-marriage} aspects of his life {like work, school, being a man of God, etc.}. It is support in the best way {for him, at least}. .-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Inhaling Beauty • Exhaling Contentment =-.
  5. Kendra Williams Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I support my husband in all of his dreams. He is the leader in our home and he sets the spirit of all of us. Its like the saying if mama aint happy then nobody is happy. Well, if Daddy is sad and discouraged then there is no way that momma is happy. See what can be done when you encourage a man with dreams: http://www.midlandsconnect.com/news/video.aspx?id=370335
  6. Tara @ The Young Mommy Life Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I do my best to actually LISTEN when my husband has something on his mind, whether he's just pondering something or actually planning it. He knows I've got his back in everything he does, and I mean everything. :) .-= Tara @ The Young Mommy Life´s last blog ..discovering your inner sex goddess (yes, it’s still there) =-.
  7. Al Lopez Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I give her whatever she wants. I refrain from talking back...I kid!!! I kid! I love her (lots and lots of love), she can do no wrong -- in fact, she can have the world.
  8. crystal thomas Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    I make sure he has all he need at home to make him corfortable, such as his music, movies, sport and beer and if we do not have it i try to find it for him. he work hard for me to have what i need so i even been on him just not picking up behind hisself. plenty of love
  9. simplyRed Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    That is great that the men in your lives sound like they have dreams and aspirations. I dont know that mine does. It confuses me to hear someone say they want to do something but they never take steps towards those things. It seems like in some instances I've wanted his dreams more than him. It seems to turn into me nagging him to do what he said he wanted to do. I wish I knew how to encourage someone who seems to have no direction.
  10. Harriet Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Awww, you all have warmed my heart with your responses! Simply Red, thank you for being so real and transparent. For a time, my husband didn't think I would understand his dreams and vision, so he would share them with his mentors. I felt very left out about that. Then, when he started talking to me about them, I made the mistake of making "suggestions" about what I thought. I was in the military, so I'm generally very straight forward with my commentary. To him, it sounded like nagging/criticizing. Although that was never my intention, that's the way it was received. So he closed back up on me. I had to learn that with certain things (like dreams), the psyche of my husband yearned for affirmation, not opinion. Those dreams, although strong within the mind of a man like mine, can crumble at the words of the only woman he allows in his unguarded space. Ya dig? So I learned how to AFFIRM him in his dreams and ask questions instead of making statments. In the meantime, it seemed to ME that he wasn't doing anything. The only reason it seemed like that was because he refused to share it with me for fear of it breaking down in his mind. A dream is like an egg: it will either hatch, break or go bad. I had to learn how to use my inner warmth as an incubator towards hatching my own dreams as well as those of my spouse. I have no clue why I said all that. I really don't. But hopefully something spoke to your situation. .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
  11. Cedes Tuesday - 02 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Great article Harriet! This angle from which you present your approach is very necessary in a relationship. You said a lot especially as it relate to what you learned about your husband when you said "the psyche of my husband yearned for affirmation, not opinion". This angle emphasizes what Jelisa said learning each others' language. As individuals we all have dreams, living our dreams, had dreams that we'll die with or soon a wake to. To imply that dreams are like eggs that can either be hatched, broken or go bad puts a very visible limit; while it is good on one side, it is bad on another side. A couple or spouse who had a dream that didn't come through when they thought it should - then gives up and stop dreaming - can come alive again to the point of manifestation even at the age of 75yrs old. Doesn't really fit that scenario too well.
  12. Harriet Wednesday - 03 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Cedes, I never thought about it that way. Dreams truly ARE limitless in their scope, and they don't have expiration dates on them. I guess all I need to do is ask Abraham & Sarah, or Joseph and Jacob...or even Jesus as He waits for our return to Him what it's like to wait for a dream to come to pass. Thanks for your perspective! .-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
  13. Chris Wednesday - 03 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Supporting my spouse is frankly, a matter of self-preservation. Not just mine but our entire race. Black Men are in deep trouble and the answer still is the Black Woman. Check out these stats: - Joblessness for 16-to-24 year-old black men has reached Great Depression proportions — 34.5% - One out of three Black American males in the United States can be expected to be jailed during his lifetime - Blacks are 14% of the American population but account for 70% of all inmates. - There are more Black men in jail than in colleges. I believe the solution is in the Mother of Mankind herself – The Black Woman. They are now more educated, make more money and have thrived in spite of what this country has done to our race. I'm placing my money on my mother, sister and daughter and I will do all I can to support their vision, mission and purpose. So, I support by wife and all beautiful Black Women by saying I'm sorry. Whenever I get a chance I offer a sincere apology to women I don't personally know. I'm so serious about this that I created a card called My Forgiveness Card, and I promise to give them to random women, at least one per week for the entire year. I pray it makes a difference. Be Blessed http://www.MyForgivenessCard.com
  14. Poster Saturday - 06 / 02 / 2010 Reply
    Great post, I'm still working on being more supportive of hubby's dreams, and trying to help him to also remember that he should have big dreams that we share as a family and not just big dreams for things he wants to do. Its great to dream of building a big house in a foreign country for vacations, but its hard to support when you're not dreaming as hard about having a house in the country where we live and our kids will be raised. Also @ Chris, true there are more Black men in prison than in college, but for "college aged" Black men, there are actually more in college than in jail. I think its important to remember that. Just a thought