Words Do Hurt (Especially To Kids)

Comments (13)

1. 

   Tara Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   I had a similar, "Did I handle this right?" moment a few weeks ago. A boy in my daughter's class (they're 3) called her a doggie. It shook her up and the teacher could see that she was visibly upset. She made him apologize and spoke with them about hurtful words and my daughter came home repeating, "I am not a doggie. I am a human BEING." I gave her a hug and I told her that I loved her and had a long talk with the teacher about future incidents. It took me off guard because she had been best buddies with that little boy for YEARS. Don't know what's going on, but it hurt because I realized that I can not protect her from everything. She's going to have bruised feelings and I can't just kiss the boo-boo and she'll be fine. *sigh* This is rough. I would have given my right arm to have a parenting coach look over my shoulder and say, "Yup, that's the perfect response." .-= Tara´s last blog ..at what point does a girl become a woman? =-.
2. 

   Aja Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   I think that was a great way to handle the situation. I also am with you on growing and learning better ways to teach your kids to handle things. My daughter is very mild mannered and I used to encourage her to say mean things back etc. when other kids would be mean to her. There was one day that some girls were teasing her outside and she came in crying hysterically. At that time I did encourage her to go back outside and defend herself (with words). But its hard to know where to draw that line sometimes between letting your kids know how to handle things without resorting to name calling and making sure they know how to stand up for themselves.
3. 

   FCG Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   sounds like you did the right thing. you don't want one bad friendship/experience to turn you child into a bad friend. Also children have to learn at some point that everyone is not their friend...and that it is ok.
4. 

   Ronnie Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   Tara- you said it correctly...it really hurts that you can not protect your kids from everything. When our oldest son was younger, I just flew off the handle every time someone hurt him. And eventually I had to learn that 1: there are two sides to every story and my son was only giving me one side most of the time, and 2: these are kids and 9 times out of 10 they will all be friends again tomorrow. So now I try to talk the kids through the best way to handle the situation and try to make them feel better. However, I will step in if I feel like there is a bullying situation going on. Aja you are so right...it is difficult to teach your kids how to stand up for themselves. Telling them to ingore mean kids does not always work, not every kid is witty or can come back with some type of timely response to a mean joke, you can tell your child to tell the teacher...but that can also backfire on them too, if someone is hitting your child.... do you tell them to hit back and risk suspension ....or to run and tell... I mean the list goes on...I think I have dealt with all of those situations.
5. 

   Harriet Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   Hmm...I remember being made fun of as a kid, and nothing my parents said could comfort me (mostly because a lot of what those kids were saying--although exaggerated--was true). My son just doesn't care what the other kids say (I think he got that backbone from his Daddy, because I was ultra sensitive growing up). Sometimes it bothers him if other kids don't want to play with him, but he rarely cries to mommy about it. He just shrugs it off and moves to the next group that will play with him.
6. 

   Ronnie Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   Harriet - I was sensitive too as a child....I think I rubbed off on a few of my kids..but I have one that I don't think is going to care what people say about her.
7. 

   Execumama Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   Ronnie, I believe you handled it well. I've had a few of those moments with my daughter who's now in Elementary school. In one instance, she was called a "scary black girl", and in another instance, her "best" friend (you know at that age everybody's their best friend, ever!) talked about her to someone else, and as you put it, "words DO hurt". My response to her about the latter was the same as yours, followed by prayer. As parents, we don't have all the answers, and all we can do is be attentive, stay in prayer, and remind our children that they deserve to be treated with respect. .-= Execumama´s last blog ..The VIEW from here is sweet! =-.
8. 

   Tiara Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   I am a relatively new mom. I have a two year old and one on the way. I know I will be hurt the first time my son comes home with a similar story and I pray that I have the grace to handle it the way you did. How do you teach a child the lesson that sometimes people will just be mean and they will hurt you? Its a tough part of growing up. You didn't tell her to hurt back... you didn't tell her to try to make "Becky" like her... you reminded her of how great she was and that plenty of people thought she was great too. You couldn't have done anything more! I just wonder how we teach our kids about the "Amy's" - little instigator lol.
9. 

   Kim Crouch Friday - 19 / 02 / 2010 Reply

   I think as parents we've all been through this. I've tried to actually turn the situation around. I try to ask them how they feel they handled the situation and maybe role play what they think are some of the appropriate responses or ways to handle it. What I've learned is doing it this way has allowed my kids to develop problem solving schools but also to give them the confidence they need to handle the situation. I think it always makes them feel better when you tell them you love them and they feel they have the ability to handle it. .-= Kim Crouch´s last blog ..What Are You Teaching Your Kids About The Wage =-.
10. 

    Tiya' Saturday - 20 / 02 / 2010 Reply

    Ronnie, I think you handled the situation perfectly. That is pretty much what I would have said. I always explain to my daughters what real friends do and how real friends should act and when they don't see those behaviors, those aren't real friends. But it does really hurt to see your kids upset, but I have to come to terms with the fact that they are going to go through things as kids, a lot of the same things we had to go through.
11. 

    Ronnie Monday - 22 / 02 / 2010 Reply

    Tiara - you have little "Amy" figured out. My daughter came back and told me Amy made up the entire thing. I don't know if that is 100% accurate because I think something is going on between the 3 girls, but I do know that "Amy" has been known to instigate. Kim - I like your idea about role playing to work on appropriate responses. Execumama - you are right ..we have to stay in prayer!!
12. 

    LaTonya Wednesday - 24 / 02 / 2010 Reply

    I think you did good! Younger kids bounce back, and move on with such ease. As we get older we hold on, and let things build out of control. My oldest daughter, 20 years-old, was just in a similar situation. And that's even good advice for her. Stick and stones... and yes words hurt just as much.
13. 

    Ruby Griffin Tuesday - 30 / 03 / 2010 Reply

    i can related to the bullying situation,cause back in my days,when i was in school,and i would come home and tell my parents about what happen that days...it was only one sides to that...what you did now? that left a cut,not even a surgery could repair.you can't forget,but you can forgive...i promise myself whenever i get grown ,and have a family of my own,i would ever treat them as search. so a problem did come up with my daughter at school,she came home crying with a note in her hand,saying that she got in trouble with a girl for saying, she has a big nose. she was crying and i was comfort her,and when she stop crying,i reach her a mirror and said, what do you see?she said,mommy i do have a big nose,and she laugh....i knew she was hurts,but i want her to see,that she are beautiful with her big nose...that she shouldn't ever be ashamed of who she are...that was my first stage,of putting confident back in herself,but in reality she must know that noone can't control,what come out of someone else mouth, but have a position attitude about self,and know you're somebody...