What Every Woman Should Know

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on March 9th, 2010 | 8 comments

by Harriet Hairston

I read an article on Yahoo over the weekend that really helped me, entitled, “10 Things Men Wished Women Knew About Them.” Some of them were pretty obvious, like the fact that these creatures cloaked in mystery and wonder like a compliment every now and then. I compliment my husband, and the grunts he gives in reply are good enough for me. LOL

But there were a couple of things that really gave me pause and forced me to reflect on my marriage in a different light. For example, “We may lose small battles, but remember the wars we’ve won.” As a woman, I tend to major on the minors from time to time. “Baby…did you leave your socks on the floor AGAIN?” Although that used to happen quite a bit, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to. Add to this the fact that my husband cooks, cleans, takes care of our son and is an AWESOME marketer…really, how big a deal is a couple of dirty socks on the floor with all that going for him? So although dirty socks is a small battle, all those other positive things trump the socks on the floor argument. If I had known that, I would have kept my mouth shut that one day last week!

One thing I disagreed with was the notion that “Our first commitment is to ourselves.” That may be true from a single man’s standpoint, but my husband has got to be one of the most selfless individuals I’ve ever met. He puts everything before himself! In fact, Janks Morton talked about a book he read called “I Am Third.” It discussed a viewpoint held by an NFL player that carried him through life: “My God is first, my family second, and I am third.” The only way I can translate that into what the author of this article wrote is that if God and family aren’t taken care of, then neither is my husband.

All in all, it was an informative article! Go take a look for yourself! Men, are these pretty accurate assessments? Ladies, did you learn anything?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: ”author.” You can purchase her first book, ”Who Are You?“ simply by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.thencameisaiah.com Tiara

Good read! You know, I am not as opposed to Number 7 as I thought I would be. I wish my husband would put himself more. He is so concerned with being a provider and a husband, he doesn’t take the time to do the things that make him happy on a personal level. We as women – especially as black women – have a hard time accepting that we should come first because we have been taught to do for others. I think there is wisdom to that old adage. You know the one – when the plane is going down, you put your oxygen mask on before your babies. Taking care of yourself, putting yourself first – allows you to be a better servant to God, to be a better mom and to be a better wife.
.-= Tiara´s last blog ..Homesick Belly =-.
Da Minster

Depending on the male at hand the four I believe the males in today’s society struggles with the most within our lives are: 6. Be the Boss in the Bedroom, 9. We May Lose Small Battles, but Always Remember the Wars We’ve Won, & 10. Fathers Are Just as Important as Mothers.

6) The problem arises with the amount of “other women” we come in contact with which fall into 2 categories; single and looking or married and unhappy. The hardest thing becomes that now we become a “target” because we are what they are hoping for. They can’t have us completely so they are willing to become sexual intimate at that point. As men we do have a desire which we do want to feel wanted by a female. I know between the kids, work, your family, and girlfriends you don’t feel like going there but we would like to feel wanted. If a man feels wanted in the bed by his wife it will be very hard for him to step out knowing that I have “Super Woman in all aspects” at home.

9) This out of them all may be the biggest male suppressor of them all. First of all men do not know how to argue let alone arguing our vocabulary is not the great as women (scientific fact), second because of step 6 above we are not prepared to argue because our minds already focus on elsewhere…lol. But the real reason is it seems we can never do right in your eyes and cannot please you to save our marriage. If you have a husband which tries everyday to cross his “t’s” and dot his “i’s” all the time and he miss something small as the old saying goes if it doesn’t kill you it can only make you stronger…

10) This one is probably most spiritual out of the 10 because it equates to the future generation that will carry our (husband & wife) legacy on. Children need a balance of both parents but moms you don’t realize the damage that is being made if we are not allow to be their fathers. When it comes to our daughters your husband becomes the first male she falls in love with. She is supposed to learn what love and respect from man so she can love and respect her husband not a boyfriend. 70% of all teen pregnancies are due to fatherless homes. Not because dad is not home but because she never learned how to love a man and finally when a boy shows her some attention she becomes goggled eyed and you are now sitting in the hospital becoming a grandmother in your thirties…lol. The boys are worst because they supposed to learn HOW to love and respect a woman. Domestic violence is rising in the minority community plus in the minority community we are going either not getting married or getting divorce within a 5 year radius of our marriages. Allow your husband to be your leader and the leader of your families in which God has established since the beginning of Time.
http://www.makingitlastforever.com Mocha Dad

My wife recently read an article on how men think and she was surprised to learn that I was not an alien. Other man actually thought the same way I did. I think the article really opened her eyes and gave her a better understanding of why do the things I do.
.-= Mocha Dad´s last blog ..Close the Door on Open Marriages =-.
Tamara

Number 8 explains a lot about my husband, he does NOT do well with vague, immeasurable endeavors *cough*kids*cough*. Whenever we are in limbo in our lives, he cant stand it, he wants to know what will be, when it will be and why it will be at the START of it, lol.
Tiya’

Great read. I can relate to #4 definitely, I am learning just how important it is not to be attached at the hip, I know my husband needs that space as do I. And #9 takes work. I have to consciously remind myself not to sweat the small stuff, when there is so much other “great” stuff.
http://www.djednice.com Ed

This article is great, forwarding this link to the Mrs right now!
http://none Ruby Griffin

1.A women must know ,what she want in a relationship or marriage,from the beginning.with a men you must be direct, mean what you say,be careful,watch your tongue,please don’t overtalk,stay on the main subject,get in and get out,don’t linger….they call that nagging ,you lose they attention at that point…if whatever… you disagree on, you have talk, and discuss it. please! don’t bring up that conversation with you men again,you will lose…in any relationship,or just enjoying life you must,put god first…and you must have a good communication, listening,patience,and understanding skill…and most of all you must know,how to treat other,as you want them to treat you..as it have been said before,you can see the tiny bug in my flower,but you can’t see the rose on my bush….
Louise

I love what Da wrote I can connect to all. I do see myself focusing on the little things and have to stop and most times I talk to God about it and he deals with it for me, so I see change now in the little things when God steps in. I’m married for 6 yrs strong and every day I put God in the middle and allow him to take charge and lead my marriage and family. My husband and I do have wat I will say small conflicts but we talk it out and then its back to normal and all is good after that. Every passing year I see us grow more and more and sometimes I tell younger youths that you have to be your mates best friend cause thats how we are and everyday passing, is like a honeymoon time and time again. We talk alot and share I would say everything with each other, but there are the times when I would have to hold back to keep conflict out. Even though we are only 6 yrs strong we have been together for 16 yrs strong, awwwww truly awesome right, I would end, with God everything is possible, put him between at this side all round your marriage, stay bless all.
I really like this site and it was nice to have somewhere to share good thoughts and recieve good and learning ones as well.

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