Strange Things That Parents Do
by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Since I’m the only one in my group of friends to have kids, some of the things I do as a mom makes my friends think I’m crazy. “Ew, you have poop on your hand,” one of them will say through their hand over their mouth and nose as I’m trying to change my son’s diaper. “Eh, it’s okay,” I reply, not giving it a second thought until I’m able to get the sink and wash it off. It’s just one of those things that comes along with the territory. Like, for instance….
1. I use baby wipes for everything. And I mean everything. Not only are they good for wiping butts, but they’re good for getting marker stains off the table, dried banana mush off kids’ faces, an lint off my car interior. If you see me out and about, I bet you $5 I have a pack of baby wipes somewhere on my person, even if my kids aren’t with me.
2. I sniff butts. For “poo checks.” (How else are you supposed to know they’ve pooped when they’re too young to tell you?) I just realized that I probably spend a good part of the past three years with my nose in someone’s butt. How lovely.
3. I have random diapers (unused!) in the bottom of my purse. ‘Cause you never know when you’ll need a spare.
4. I’ve caught spit up in my hand more times than I can count. And chewed food. At the time, it seemed easier to just catch it rather than spend time cleaning it off the floor.
5. I watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when my kids aren’t home. And Handy Manny. And I get too involved in the episodes, talking back to the TV and everything. “Ugh, Mickey, that’s not right.”
6. I talk about myself in third person. “Mommy’s hungry. What should Mommy eat for dinner?” It’s even more embarrassing when I’m by myself.
7. I say everything I’m doing out loud. “Once we finish dinner, we’re going to clean up.” Then: “Okay, we’re cleaning up. Thank you for helping me clean up.” Then: “Now we’re going upstairs.” “Now we’re getting our PJ’s on.” “Now we’re reading our bedtime stories.” Ugh. Make me stop!
8. I hear “phantom” baby cries. I’ll be nice and cozy in bed, and then at 2 a.m. I’ll SWEAR I hear a kid crying. I’ll GET OUT OF BED to go check and turns out the kids are sleeping nice and soundly. WTF is wrong with me?
9. My kids are so cute that sometimes I wish I could squish ‘em and put ‘em back in my belly and start over and love ‘em from the beginning. (Does that sound weird to anyone else? LOL)
10. I cook meals based almost solely on how messy it will be to clean off the floor.
11. When I’m out in public and I hear a kid screaming, all I can think is, “Glad it’s not mine.”
12. I hate when people think they’ll be a great mom because they have been a babysitter for a while. NOT.THE.SAME.THING.
BMWK, Am I alone in some of these? What are some of the “strange” things you do as a parent?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
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