Rated MA

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on April 8th, 2010 | 37 comments

coupleinbed600

by Harriet Hairston

Disclaimer: This article is Rated MA: for mature audiences only. It’s an honest assessment of some attitudes I had towards sex that I recently took a deeper look into. I’ve always been very transparent in my writing, but very rarely have I approached the subject of sex as the sole content of an article. If it makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read any further. That said, here goes nothing…

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I’ve always been a “good little Christian girl.” My attitude towards sex has been very reserved, but not necessarily repressed. When I was single, I fought hard to remain celibate until I got married. Although I wasn’t a virgin, my–ummm–experience was very limited. *See, I’m blushing just thinking about telling you all this.* My husband, being the patient, gentle man he is, was always very sensitive to my needs.

Unfortunately for him, I didn’t know what those needs were. I was celibate for seven years before getting married. That time frame was my trophy to show others that it can be done, and that a woman is truly worth the wait when it comes to sexual intimacy. I was victorious, and the proof was in the pudding of a good marriage to a man who loved me because I was a “good little Christian girl” who didn’t compromise godly principles.

Over the years, I had become a pro at beating down sexual desire and replacing it with busy-ness so I wouldn’t sin against God. That became a habit. When I got married, I realized that I was now “legal,” and had a license to back up my sexual desire. But after so many years of quenching it with other things, I was more used to my habit of being busy than getting busy, and it showed.

Along came pregnancy and eventually a baby, and the spice of our married life quickly began to lose its savor.
Oh, don’t get me wrong…we had sexual, romantic fun all the time. But that fun turned into constant re-runs for us, and I wasn’t eager to “fix” something that wasn’t broken. Although it’s a scientific fact that the average woman experiences her sexual peak in her early to mid thirties, my sex drive wasn’t at that level, and I always wondered why.

All that changed over the weekend. I decided to experiment a little. I read a couple of magazine articles, dusted off the lingerie and put into practice what I learned about. This “good little Christian girl” decided to take her marriage back to Eden, where they were “naked and unashamed,” even in sensuality and sexuality. I’m sure Eve was confident in the fact that she was desirable to her husband. I, on the other hand, had always been shy and demure (even though I had a “license to drive” as a married woman!). Being confident in desirableness translates very well into sexuality…so I adopted that confidence myself.

I’ll stay in my lane and leave the detailed descriptions surrounding our escapades alone. I’m still saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. But I’m no longer a “good little Christian girl.” When I was a child, I thought like a child. But now, this grown Christian woman’s sex life is “Rated MA”…and I think I like it!

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: ”author.” You can purchase her first book, ”Who Are You?“ simply by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Mz. Fraz

Hi Harriet. I love reading your post each morning on the train on my way to work. I am 32 & have recently gotten off birth control because it was decreasing my desire. I too was celibate when I was single for years at a time. So I had become used to not having sex. My husbands drive is a lot higher than mine. I’m hoping that at this age my desire increases to match his. One thing I do try to do is wear sexier ingerie at least once a week and do something to surprise him. I do know that when I am stressed with work or I’m feeling less sexy (during those bloated times yuck) I do need to work on still being “available” for my husband. I never shut down too long (3 or 4 days at the most). But one question I do have is as a wife should I always be available sexually even if my mine is bogged down? I know what the bible says but just want some feedback. (sorry for any typos; on the train)
Veronica

Thank you for sharing such an intimate story that I’m sure not just myself but other wives can relate to. It is a transition becoming a wife and maintaing a healthy sexual relationship with your husband. I think to answer the previous comment wives are suppose to submit to their husband however I believe if you are going through a period of illness that prevent the ability to engage in sexual activity husbands will be or should be considerate. (My opinion)
Anonymous

oh my, you all are all so cute. One of the most exciting things for a man is to have a woman who’s “a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.” Sorry to have to quote Ludacris. If you don’t embrace your sexuality and open your mind to possiblities that you may have never even heard of, your man WILL be cheatin on you. Celibacy is cool, I’ve done it a few times but you need to still experience. Don’t save yourself for marriage; in doing that you are denying and supressing your human nature.
saraileads

My husband and I both saved our virginity for marriage, and is great not being compared to any other woman, and me not comparing him to another man. I can honestly say he is the biggest and bestest I have ever had. I would love for you to release some of your details on how to spice things up. We do pretty good, but I am always willing to learn. Thanks for the post
http://none Ruby Griffin

yeah!I’m 54,my husband 71,What wrong ladies? my sexual drive is blowing off the roof…i don’t know if i’m hot for sex,or my menopause is driving me up the wall…but whatever it’s i’m loving it.but to me sex is a mind thing,the more you desire it,the more you want it…don’t get me wrong that a good thang, but if you not having that sexual feeling and your husband are…just don’t give him the silent treatment,or turn your back to him,communicate,they listen,they’re human, just don’t make a tiny situation to large,cause you know a men they will take it there..alway be there for your husband,don’t get off your job for a second,don’t give him a reason to go out there to get some extra help…do whatever you have to do to keep and maintain your happiness in your marriage…the bottom line, is you know to much of something is a sin,so use common sense to hold on to your husband…
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

Let me first say I was REALLY nervous about this article. I wanted to post it, but unlike the rest of my material, it hits in the BEDROOM (deeper than just “close to home”)

@ Ms. Fraz,

First, thank you! We are the same age, but I’ll be honest, I’ve never been on birth control. It seems that now, my drive is attempting to catch up with my husband’s because I’m making the effort to make it catch up. Like lately, it’s been mind blowing, so even thinking about it at work makes me ready to jump his bones when I get home…mind bogged down or not! LOL

I, too, know what the Bible says. That’s mutual between husband and wife, though. It’s not one sided. When I’m sick (as Veronica mentioned), my husband is not in my face about making love. I’m learning how much more sexy I feel, though, after a long Hollywood shower, something lace and candlelight. So even if I don’t necessarily FEEL like it at the time, I can coax myself into creating an atmosphere conducive to it. Not just to please my husband, but to take some stress off me. That’s the best kind of massage a woman can get!

@Veronica,

Thanks for the words of encouragement!

@ Anonymous,

I have to respectfully disagree with you. My decision to remain celibate had nothing to do with a broken heart or me being unattractive or wanting experience. It simply was a choice I made because I wanted to please God in my single state. It really was as simple as that. Turning it off wasn’t easy…turning it back on was a slow process. But it’s ON and POPPIN now! Thanks for the comment and perspective!

@ Saraileads

That’s awesome!!!! OMG, that’s awesome!!!! I never compared my husband to anyone else (I didn’t have many partners, but I was a “rookie” at sex when I decided to become celibate), but him knowing that he is now the ONE and ONLY is enough to set him off!

There’s a website I visit from time to time with 101 positions on it. I think it’s sexinfo101.com or something like that. I’ll print out something and put it in my husband’s wallet or somewhere he can see it and write a sexy note on the back of it telling him I want us to try “this one” tonight. *giggle*

Umm…we just recently started playing basketball together as a family. My husband and I get really physical, personal and verbal on the court. If he fouls me, I’ll make a smart comment about how sexy I think it is that he’s rough like that. LOL

With jobs and kids and all that, it can get hard for a woman to “get in the mood.” I’ll hit facebook up at lunch (and this is going to be in a follow up article) and we’ll exchange some explicit banter there.

I have a game called “Fan the Flames” that we play periodically. You can google that as well. I think it’s about $14.00. It increases intimacy and the freaky deaky. I LOVE it!

We’re both really competitive, so when we get a chance, we play strip board games. For example, we’ll play quick games of Connect 4 and whoever loses has to take off an item of clothing. Scrabble, whoever gets the least points on each play has to take off an item of clothing, etc. I mean, either way, it’s win-win!

Anyway, I think Aiyana said something to this effect on Tiya’s “Is Marriage Boring?” article. There are two people in the relationship, and if the marriage bed is boring, it’s the responsibility of both of them to spice it up.

Oh, and on casttv.com, girl, they’ve got the whole first season of Zane’s Sex Chronicles. I’m not condoning or condemning the show, but I take a couple of notes from time to time to spice things up in my bedroom without adding other people to the mix (that ain’t our thing).
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ Ruby

Amen, sis! That’s awesome! I want to be like you when I grow up! LOL
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
MrsT

Thanks for “putting yourself out there” with this one. Creating and maintaining desire has been tricky for me too. But you’re right when you say there are things a woman can do to make herself feel sexy and it does make a difference. I was neither a virgin nor celibate when I got married, but I can definitly say that married sex is a whole ‘nother ball game. But as the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

It is a whole different ball game, Mrs. T! But gaining expertise on what pleases and drives my husband up the wall is a challenge I’m willing to meet AND exceed!

Someone once told me that it’s easy to have mind blowing sex with 10,000 people and they all are pleased. Then they said that the REAL love-makers know how to make love to ONE person 10,000 ways, and please them each time.

Oooo-wee! That’s how I want to be!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
Josey

WHISTLE BLOWING!!! BELLS RINGING!!! This article is banging sista!! I like it & so glad that you took the lead to bring this topic out in the open. Many of us Christian women (married or single) have dealt with or felt like this before. I applaud you! I enjoyed reading this and look forward to many more )
Tiya

Harriet, girl, I am thanking you for going there and even adding more in your comments! This article is HOT, HOT, HOT!!!! I can’t wait to get off work. lol!
Gisselle

In the bible it says that “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other…”, once you enter that bedroom there should be NO LIMITS in pleasing each other that is what Christian couples know! All of those sexual passions and desires should be released in that married bed! Trust me there is nothing better than a Christian man who has been pleased by his Christian wife!
Gisselle

@ saraileads
Order some Frederick’s of Hollywood and get a new night wardrobe that will drive your husband insane. What does your husband like? Get candles all around the bedroom, get some Luther Vandross playing in that bedroom and with Frederick’s of Hollywood’s collection I promise you, you will find yourself with a Christian husband that will ADORE you more than he already does!!! And during the moment of intimacy ask him what he likes, what he needs and what he wants and make it happen!
http://www.knotchocolate.blogspot.com Tiffany

Great post, and thanks for the inspiration lol!
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..For Our Unborn Children =-.
http://none Ruby Griffin

I want to share this with all the reader on this site…of how i really experience,the real feeling of love making,at the age that i am today…On feb.14,2010,I surprise my husband with the biggest valentine card,that i did myself,my husband is the father of 29 or 30 children’s,i went around to all his children’s homes and got the smaller picture they has of themselves and paste them in the middle of his valentine card,with his first born,and his last,in the front center of his cards,when i given him the card,he was so overwhelming with joy,that i saw the tears,building up in his eyes,as he tell me that he never been so love…we pray together,we cry together,we hold each other,we repeat our vows over to each other on valentine night,i’m saying that,to get to this,love making is being in love,with the one you with,and the one you with,love you back…
Mz. Fraz

Ruby: he has 29 or 30 children or he has a 29 & 30 year old?
http://none Ruby Griffin

He have 29 or 30 children’s…He have one that he say it may be, not sure of that one…
Magnolia Black

I am 28 years old, married for nearly 4 years, and having one sexual partner was probably the worst mistake of my life. i am the epitome of a good christian girl..i am a preacher’s daughter. i didnt have my first alcoholic drink until i was 18. i didnt have intercourse until a year after i finished my undergrad degree. and all of this was with my current husband. our sex life has suffered tremendously because of my lack of experience. i had always been taught that men wanted “clean girls” so i stayed that way. it was all hype and bs. my husband could have cared less that i was virgin. even fact, he even said that he wished i had more partners, not for his sake but for my own. he “sowed his wild oats” so he more than skilled. this hasn’t been the “fun, let’s explore together bs” it’s been painful (not physically, but emotionally), awkward, and more importantly less than enjoyable. i am so angry at myself for so many reasons. while i can be grateful for having avoiding stds and unintended pregnancies, i sacrificed being a prepared sexual partner. on top of which, i am just now learning to define sexuality for my self, rather than be dependent on a man to teach me what i should already know about myself. i hope that my daughters will not suffer the same fate.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ Magnolia,

Sis, the problem is not in the principles and foundation you were raised in. The people that taught you may have made some mistakes, but God is still God in all that, and there is a reason why He set up sex to be shared in marriage.

First, the epitome of a “good Christian girl” is NOT the daughter of a preacher man. LOL You know what they say about PK’s! (just breaking the ice…please don’t be offended…I’m just joking). The key isn’t what our parents do, but WHO THEY ARE. I try to teach my kids about a relationship with Christ being forged out of a desire to please God, not to follow the groupthink of mere religion. That does more damage than good, IMO.

Now, if your husband has had many partners, that’s fine…but he’s married to YOU now. If he’s comparing you to sister so-and-so who knew how to pop, lock and freak in a handstand, that ain’t got nothing to do with YOU. That has everything to do with the fact that he created an emotional and physical bond with HER (or them…or whatever LOL).

So he sowed his wild oats…and probably reaped a whole lot of weeds in the process. But he’s with YOU now, and I really hope that he respects the fact that you saved yourself for him. If not, whatever…he needs to respect the bond you two have in marriage.

The key to defining sexuality for yourself does not lie in amassing a million partners. That’s dangerous and irresponsible (for both MEN and WOMEN). I believe the key is in opening yourself up to new possibilities within your current relationship. If you don’t enjoy sex, go see a sex therapist. If you don’t want to do that, try a few new positions.

But I think the root of the matter is not in your sexual performance, but in your viewpoint of YOURSELF. Be confident that you’re a woman who is lovable, desirable (and freakable), then act that out.

As for your husband, from what you described, perhaps the two of you need to have a “come to Jesus” talk. There’s two sides to every story, but from what you described, it’s pretty audacious for him to be so impatient. If he wanted all that wild stuff, he should have married one of the women he sowed his wild oats in. He has to be patient, gentle and above all, emotionally in tune with you. That doesn’t sound like it’s happening, and it’s up to the two of you to communicate so you can get on the same page.

Be blessed, sis! I’m praying for and with you. G’on and get your freak on with your husband…as Mrs. T said, “Practice makes perfect!”
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

One more thing @ Magnolia,

Ask your husband if he wants his daughters to be viewed like some of the women he was partnered with. Ask him also why he chose YOU instead of those women. I’m interested in hearing the answers to those questions.

And let me tell you this as well…there are some things that amaze and mystify even the wisest of kings. In Proverbs 30:19, one of those things is the way a man treats a maid (original language definition: virgin, young woman of marriageable age; maid or newly married. There is no instance where it can be proved that this word designates a young woman who is not a virgin).

It was widely known that men were patient instructors of these type of women. They LOVED the fact that they didn’t have to undo the mistakes of other men who had broken their hearts or wonder if she was comparing him to a man who was more sexually skilled.

Please don’t diminish that because sex for you right now is emotionally painful and awkward. It’s a season, and it will pass with the right kind of communication.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
Jo

In love your article and your drive to honor GOD. I commented because I noticed the response left by Magnolia and really loved the way you responded. Also, I think women fell to understand the importance of knowing her body. It is quite common for women who are single and celibate to lose touch of self, and that lost also tranfers once married. I have a lot of Christian single friends who have strong ambitions to remain celibate until married; however fail in keeping themselves together. Not interacting with men for a long period of time could make one somewhat “boring” because women usually choose to be sexy for their mate. I agree, having little to no sexual experiences is not the reason for a boring sex life. Sex is a mental thing; if you don’t think you have it; your sex life will demonstrate just that. I enjoy dressing up, shaving areas that make me feel nice and clean, buy lingerie just for the sake of buying them, and yes I wear them even when no one’s in my bed… I feel sexy when I wear them, I have taken strip tease/aeorobic lessons just to keep in touch with my sexual/sensual side. I am not married (ooops..hope I am not kicked out) but I truly see the way young christian women can create a recipe for sexless and less entertaining marriages. Prior to the lawd findin me (lol) I always thought christian women were boring. Not having sex does not necessarily mean you should lose the “sexy side” of you. Just my thought
Jo

Excuse the typo… I was sooo excited about responding

I meant to say…

I love your article and your drive to honor God.
Veronica

@Jo I really agree with your comment, I think women single or married should be in tune with their inner and outward femininity. It is important to pamper and treat ourselves and appreciate the way God created us. If we can embrace our womanhood and begin with loving ourselves its a lot easier to share love once we enter a relationship.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ Jo,

Thank you so much! I appreciate your words!

I agree…Christian does not have to equate to BORING. In many respects, people these days equate Christianity to prison, and if we’re not representing Christ well, it’s easy to understand why others would not want to establish their own relationship with Him.

Before I got married, I kept myself up…my stomach always had lines on it…my conversation was on point, my movement was poetry in motion. As a married woman, the lines have disappeared (but they’re on the way back), but the rest is still in tact. I have to work harder in certain areas, but the bottom line is I still find myself sexy…for myself AND my husband.

That should be part of a woman’s lifelong goal: establish and maintain the mystery of femininity. God gave it to us, and it’s up to us to maintain and nourish it.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
MJ

Humm….I come by this site almost everyday, but I never comment! I love your posts, they are always on point! I had to comment though because of what Magnolia Black wrote! I am not married, I am a christian, I am a virgin and damn proud of it! I view it as a blessing, and not as a “I don’t have experience” thing. I also agree with what Jo said (except for the striptease…lol). I dress up and take really good care of myself for me, not for anyone in particular….and when he will come, I’ll be dressing up and stuff for the both of us! I personally think that sexyness, confidence…etc, comes from within; if you don’t feel it, it’s practically impossible to show it! Thank you Harriet for such an incredible post, I am taking notes….already.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ MJ

Thank you so much for your words! Girl, let me tell you…I had a collection of Fredrick’s of Hollywood and Vickie’s Secret lingerie long before I got married. Guess what? My husband was the first to see me in it, but it wasn’t the first time I wore most of it! I saved a few key pieces for the honeymoon, but by and large, I had to learn how to leave the t-shirts and basketball shorts alone when it came to nightwear. LOL

But kudos to you for being a virgin! I know it gets difficult in this day and age, but please rest assured that there is a God-tailored man out there that will take notice when the timing is right. In the meantime, keep it tight (no pun intended), and continue to develop the godly character you sound like you’re doing. He invented sex, not Usher, so He’s the best one to learn it from! LOL

Anyway, it sounds to me like there are a lot of ladies here whose neighbors will know their name in the weeks and years to come! I’m excited for your husbands…and I’m about to go show mine what I’ve learned thus far. *wink*

Be blessed!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
Anna

Great post. Thanks to all who shared. I will keep it brief. I know right , me keep it brief. LOL. Most women can’t enjoy love making because we don’t know how to turn our brain off, did I put the food away, did I unplug the iron, what am I making for dinner tomorrow. Kids do leave the nest to go off to college. When they come back for school breaks, you got so use to them being gone and enjoying your partner that you ask them, don’t you have friends or family to visit? LOL My husband and I are in our 40′s, but one would think we were “newlyweds”. We are having so much fun sharing each other. I love when he calls me at work and reminds me about last night. We can’t wait to get off work for a repeat of the prior nights event.
Magnolia Black

Okay. So, apparently i need to clarify a few things because some things were misread/not explained properly. my post was about me and my sexuality and my sexual experience or lack there of. my husband has never compared me to his other gfs/sexual partners nor has he ever threatened to leave due to my lack of experience. With regards to him being my only partner, what i was trying to say was that it wasn’t a big deal. that my sexual status was not going to make or break our potential to getting married as i had been originally led to believe. not that he didn’t care. it just wasnt something that he was going to hold over my head, whatever my experience was simply bc i was a woman and the double standard that comes with that.
with regards to the act itself, i feel like i was set up and led to believe that sex was something that it actually is not. i feel like the guy from the 40 year old virgin. putting “…” on a pedestal. my husband is not making me feel uncomfortable, i feel uncomfortable because after 4 years of trying, it continues to be a difficult situation. there have been at least 4-6 instances where we were not intimate for 3 months at a time, partially because of what was or wasn’t happening. when i was younger, my opinion was that it was unfair for me to be “saving something” for my future husband, knowing full well that 9/10 the person i would end up with would not have thought of me in same regard. i definitely feel like that that this has come back to bite me in the butt. I’m not blaming my husband for anything, it is just something we are trying to get through via therapy, medications, etc. so the criticism of my husband is unmerited and unnecesary. again, this was about me. my virginity was not a matter of pride as someone of you have described, not anymore. when i was a teenager, i thought i was on this high and mighty horse, because i was christian and virgin, but as i have gotten older, that was completely the wrong attitude. me not having sex was as much about chance and it was about about choice. but to think my self better than others, as you get older, things are not as black and white and easy to maintain or defend. it’s not anything to ashamed of, but proud is not the appropriate feeling for it either. at least not for me. i don’t get an extra year of marriage or a shiny gold sticker. it’s not any of that at al. there is nothing that we not do or have not tried to resolve this, but there are only so many things you can do and eventually you have exhausted your resources and left to deal with the remains. so at this time, i’m just trying to make peace with the situation and move on to other pressing things because i’m just about at my limit.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ Magnolia,

Now the picture is a little more clear. Either way, in both comments, you sound so disappointed and sad.

Your commentary makes me grateful–ever so grateful–for the grace of God. You’re right…once something a person chooses to do to please God becomes a point of pride, then an individual needs to re-evaluate why they’re doing it. As I described in the article, my celibacy went from being worship to becoming pride. Eventually, it wasn’t grace that kept me from having sex, but pride, and that’s about as backwards as a person can get. I believe, to a great extent, that’s why it took me so long to warm up to sex as God created it (wild, free, crazy, GOOD…as opposed to boring and blah).

My apologies for misunderstanding your post and giving unwarranted criticism. I misunderstood what I read and jumped for the jugular instead of asking more questions. Please forgive me.

You said your virginity “it’s not anything to ashamed of, but proud is not the appropriate feeling for it either.” What a poignant and eye opening remark! You’re soooooooooooooooooo right! And again, I think for me, learning to be GRATEFUL for God’s grace in keeping me celibate was the bottom line. It’s never just about me. It’s about people like you and the other commenters/readers whom I had no idea I would be writing such a personal article to. It’s about your daughters, Magnolia…and their daughters, too!

Anyway, I’m getting mushy. It’s a blessing to know you’re availing yourself of the tools and equipment you need through counseling and therapy. So many people are too proud to even consider it! Again, I’m praying with and for you. Thanks for clarifying your comments, and PLEASE stay encouraged! It’s just a season!

I’m glad to hear about
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
Fran

thanks harriett for the eye opening info,glad to know i am not the only one,…. however since we are all being so open and honest can i get some info on the christian perspective of o*a*l s*x* and i am so blushing right now i cant even write the words clearly, hopefull some one will get what im writing and can give guidance, i hear its bad and its good and so am confused.?
Veronica

@Fran I don’t mind attemptimg to provide advice on your question basically the “christian perspective” is that what happens between a husband and wife in their bedroom is undefiled meaning set no limits. Now as far as taking it to the point of adding additional sexual partners that’s were I believe the line is drawn. But as mentioned before there are a lot of things to try to keep your sexual relationship alive and by all means if oral sex is something you and your husband want to explore go for it.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

@ Magnolia,

Please disregard the last incomplete sentence in my last comment…I forgot to delete that incomplete thought.

@ Fran,

Fellatio (for men) and cunnilingus (for women), IMO is the greatest thing since sliced bread. LOL I’m not going to get into too many details (this is a family site), but here’s the thing: if you and your husband want to try it, have at it. If you don’t want to add it to your sexual repertoire, then leave it alone.

…but as for me and my house, girl, we LOVE it. LOL

Is it biblical? Well, check the record of Song of Solomon…it’s full of symbology regarding oral sex (it discusses drinking of juices…they ain’t talking about fruit…as well as lying down in his shadow…they ain’t talking about taking a nap).

However, just like intercourse, in my Christocentric opinion, it is something that should be saved for marriage. Now, I tried it outside marriage, and it felt great…but when it’s anointed, and you’re in tune with God and your spouse about what can please them more in the heat of the moment, there is nothing like that. Nothing can compare to that.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

^5 and co-sign Veronica’s statement. GREAT points!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Take Off The Mask! =-.
Fran

thanks veronica and harriet, i appreciate the info!!!
Goddessa

One of the best resources on planet earth for unlocking a woman’s true sexuality.

http://www.nityama.com
Da Minister

@ Harriet

You surely know how to draw a crowd…LOL!

@ panel/bloggers
My only comment which hopefully validates the blog within itself. As long as either of the married couple will end up in jail, dead, or in sin the sky should be the limit. Even our bibles in the book of Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) explains how intimate a married couple should be. Because the love and passion they have towards and for one another. If it wasn’t for my children, I can guarantee it would be Eden in my house all the time, walking around naked and not being ashamed!
Anna

@ Harriet
@ panel/bloggers
If it wasn’t for my children, I can guarantee it would be Eden in my house all the time, walking around naked and not being ashamed!
~~~~~~~~~~
Like I always say, “they do grow up”. You can then be naked as a Jay Bird. Just remember to collect the keys once they leave the nest. LOL. Of course my kids still have keys. They think my house will always be their home, which is true, but if you don’t call before you come over don’t be surprises. LOL.

Rated MA

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