Young Love Ain’t Always Puppy Love

I applaud these young people. I would rather they commit to marrying one another than just playing house and having children. God bless you and your marriage, be encouraged and don’t let the haters get your down. I married my husband at age 22 and we have been married for 19 years now. Woo-hoo! Wasn’t always pretty but we are still trucking and loving each other more each day. We have history that sustains us. I see my daughter moving in the same direction, I think she has found the man that God has for her and she is only 20 years old. I will be there to support and encourage her all the way. Oh and by the way she does not have any children and is a virgin. It can happen in this day and age.

Tara, I enjoyed your story of young love. I don’t see anything wrong with it if it’s God ordained and the two people involved are mature enough to except and meet the challenges of what it means to be married. God bless you both!

Tara I love your story, I absolutely admire young people who choose to make that kind of commitment young, and stick with it. I met my husband when I was 20, and we have been together ever since. Now, we were swayed by all the “you are too young” people when we were going to get married around 25. Fast forward 15 years, and we are still together, now married for 9 years. I look back and think how silly we were to listen to other people.

Tara, you and your husband’s story is beautiful and I absolutely admire you. I got married when I was 19….unfortunately it did not work out. We were married for 4 years. I think I was pressed by my mom to get married because my ex-husband and I had a child together and I still question whether I really wanted to get married at the time. However, I am a firm believer that all things work together for the good, and I am glad for the lessons that I learned when I was married.

@ jj go head now!!! @ tamara sounds like a bunch of haters in your lives,but let hate on. me and my hubby met when i was 15 and he had just turned 21. i was about to turn 16 in two weeks and GOD sent him to me!!! if he hadnt sent me my husband i would have been turning tricks before i was 17. but jy husband was everything i was not,wiser than me, grounded in cement and because of that his lil experience with life he was able to help me deal with a situation that happened to me as a lil girl. people used to all ways say he’s to old,you to young. but none of that was true. GOD sent him to me as my saving grace. we did break up necause he started letting what other folks say get to him. but he was sent in right on time to help me with issues that i had struggled w/since 8y.o. we did break up and i was devasted. never saw each other again until 9 years and 11 months to the date. he was coming in a convenience store as i was walking out and boom we both knew it was love at first all over again,got married……..

How Sweet! I met my husband in college when I was 18 and he was 22. He was the third boy I met. That was 1993.

I completely agree that it depends on the couple. People generally frown on young marriages but some of the couples that I know that seem to be doing the best got married young. At the same time, I think that had I gotten married at any point under the age of 24 that my marriage would have been a disaster. While I don’t believe in rushing into marriage at any age, I think that if you have the maturity and understanding at a younger age, you don’t need to wait until you’re older just for the sake of it. The funny part is, I had people telling me I was too young to get married when I got married at almost 28, so it confused me as to what was “old enough”.
One other thing I notice though, with all of the successful younger couples that I know, the husband is older. Maybe not significantly, but usually by at least 3 years or more. I’m not sure if that has any effect on the outcome, but it is something that I’ve observed.

I absolutely love this post. My husband and I met when we were both Juniors in highschool. We officially began dating at 17 when we were seniors. That was in 2003. We were married March of 2009 after almost 6 years and 2 kids later. Our journey has not been an easy one but we are in love and that, along with our belief in God, has sustained us. We did not have a strong support system. In fact, our families did not suport us at all. Our friends, who witnessed our love blossom over the years, were the ones who helped keep us grounded and encouraged us to follow our hearts. I think there is a stigma associated with young love and day to day we overcome that stigma. We have only been married a year but that is 365 days longer than people thought we’d last. I love my husband… Ive loved him since the beginning and I will continue to love, honor, and cherish him til death do us part. Young love rocks!
.-= Mrs Gordon´s last blog ..*Sigh* =-.

I know what you are speaking about…. I got married 1991 at the ripe age of 20. My husband was 23, we are now reaching our 19 year anniversary. I met him at a basket ball game, as I saw him play on the court a feeling came over me and said that will be the man you will marry. I began thinking that is crazy, I don’t know him and better yet I have no idea what is his name. About a few weeks later to my surprise I saw him again in my neighbor hood, he was across the street. I decided to call him over just to say hello and find out his name. Through talking he stated that he like me and was just telling someone that the other day. We immediately began dating. What was strange we lived near each other for 13 years and never bumped into each other or even saw each other until the day at the basket ball court. Sure we had ups and downs, but we knew it was meant to be and we take our vows seriously. So yes it can be done and you still can be in-love!!!

I was 20 and my RibDonor was 19 on our wedding day, Aug. 11, 2001. And the kicker is that ours was a marriage arranged by God, cuz we didn’t date beforehand. We met in college (his freshman, my sophomore year) and were involved in some of the same activities. But we’d mostly only exchanged generic “hello’s” prior to getting engaged. Can ya’ll imagine the heat we both took because of not only our age, but our reasoning (God sed so)? But almost 9 years later we still couldn’t imagine life w/o each other!

And another other thing to point out is that neither of us were “ready” but we were both crazy enuff to trust God & stick it out during the rough times and help each other grow & mature. You don’t always have to do those things as a single person. I believe some folks will never be “ready” because they refuse to just jump in and let the marriage teach them how to be married.

I (17 yrs old) knew the first time I laid eyes on my queen…corny but, true she was the one for ME.
It’s been 22 yrs and counting! For better or For Worse!
Commissioned – Ordinary Just Won’t Do…..For A Healthy Marriage!

Thank you for Reading…Great Article!
.-= Whyte23´s last blog ..Marriage and the Economy—Can’t Buy Me Love =-.

Hi Tara, great Article! Continue to trust God for you marriage and the success it will bring the both of you. I’ve been married for 33 years this coming July. I was 19 and my college sweetheart was 22. We both had to grow up in the marriage, which was difficult at times, we gotten through many adversities and hung in there. There were times we could have ended it, but God had other plans for us. After all these years I know it was only the hand of God and his plan for the marriage that we were able to sustain. Lot of forgiveness, Love, and letting go. Out of our marriage we have five adult children, and though we made it to 33 years, I would not encourage being married so young, its not because young love isn’t strong enough to withstand the pressure marriage has, because it is, its just, I want my children to experience more out of life before settling down. If either of them found the right person or the person they wanted to marry at a young age, I would not stop them, I would support and encourage them, its just I know from experience what’s ahead of them and sometimes, not always, we need to know ourselves inside before we start learning someone else. On the job learning without some experience of knowing your likes and dislikes can be difficult at times, however, it can be done. I wish you both all the best and I pray for the success of you marriage, and know that young love is and can be strong throughout the marriage.

Some would say you are 1 in a million in the black community. I would say that we need to have more relationships like this. I think that when people wait to get advanced in their career and are in their 30s it is hard to sacrifice and become one with another individual. Other cultures get married right out of college. Our culture is so big on becoming accomplished then growing a family. When did career become more important than family? What happened to building a foundation with one another. Now society wants us to build a foundation and try to merge them into one unit.

@Posh – SO TRUE! How much harder is it to merge 2 whole individually functioning households and the corresponding lives into 1 than to build a life from the ground up with a wonderful person? There are trials, yes, but the joy of saying “we did it!” more than makes up for it in the long run. And it gives better incentive to stay together and work it out when you have such a monument to your combined efforts to look towards.

I am 37 and have been married 9 yrs but together 16 yrs. I so regret not taking time out to get to know me. It looks as if I will be in the minority here, but I strongly feel marriage and kids can wait to a person develop their own self. I have encouraged my children focus on their education and then get to know themselves before trying to become seriously involved with someone else. Now if someone already is in the midst of getting married I would leave my 2 cents out of it, but if my opinion is asked I would advise anyone under 25 to think long and hard.

I always wonder what folks think should be *experienced* before marriage & why it’s necessary. What do folks think we’ve missed by marrying young? I ask because the flip side is that I hear sooooooo many singles (of all ages) wishing they were married or in serious relationships.

There is nothing wrong with getting married young. I think people say “take a step back and think” because there is a lot to learn and discover as you grow up and mature. The things I wanted in life at 21 are totally different from what I want now, at 36. Getting married young and starting a family can hinder lots of things if you don’t have the right partner. You may want to start your own business or develop a hobby or travel. Sure, you can do those things while you’re married, but it’s harder, and your focus becomes your family and not your dreams. As a woman, I have found that it is very difficult to be there for a man (the way he needs you) and putting real time and energy into my personal dreams and goals. Plus the financial stress of getting married and having kids too young, is just not necessary. Most young people are still more concerned with having name brand this and that, instead of developing a savings. They are still playing “The Joneses” with family and classmates. Biggest house, best car, LV & DB purses…so not important as you grow and develop your family and future.

I would never discourage a young couple after they have gotten engaged, but I encourage my girls to really know what they want out of life while in college, and not make a man the focus. Find a husband, but there is no rush to marry him. If he truly loves you, he will be able to wait a couple of years for you to develop.

In my belief a lot of the young generation is jumping so quick in marriage looking for the security of love,seeking love from they husband,that they didn’t get at home from they parents.and having children’s at a young age,is having someone in they life,that they can protect,and love,and if not receive love in the beginning it can make them do foolish thing,to fullfill that emptynesss of a hole that was left open as a child…if you felt love,and love yourself,and be yourself,from the beginning,you will be success,and conquer life with a thang….getting marriage at a young age,is a volcano preparing to blow at any time…when dating everthing is coming up roses,he doing and saying exactly what you want him to do,it call baiting you in….only you say i do,he will make a complete turn around on you, and then there you are saying,where is the men i marriage? and now the volcano will erect…

Congratulation Tara to you and your husband! I think that there is a cynicism in the black community about marriage and that is one of the reasons for using youth as a reason to discourage marriage, yet I don’t hear the same discouragements and admonitions over young people becoming baby mamas and baby daddies. Isn’t t better to have a relationship first before becoming a parent? Also statistics show that relationships of married couples who marry first are more stable than relationships of people who live together first prior to getting married. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and even when marriages dissolve, parents who were married when their children were conceived are more committed to those children in the event of a break-up than parents who weren’t married first. Also, many of these OOW births are to parents who had no relationship at all other than the hook-up resulting in the conception.

I too married “young,” I met my husband at the start of my sophomore year of college. I had just turned 19. I saw him across a crowded room and asked a mutual acquaintance to introduce us. We went on a double-date the very first day we met. He was visiting his friends for the weekend, and we saw each other every day, we even went to church together on Sunday! I knew then that I had met the man that I would marry.

We were engaged when I was a junior, and married on the 1st anniversary of our engagement, smack dab in the middle of my senior year. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary and we are as much in love now, maybe even more so, than we were then. He has been the best husband, lover, friend, confidante, as well as father to our three children.

If you know what a healthy relationship looks like, if you have standards, if you know what and who you want, and if you know who you are, I don’t see any downside to marrying young. I always say to my children, “Didn’t I do a great job picking a father for you guys?”

It was also comforting to know that he came from a family that valued marriage. His parents marriage lasted 50 years until the Lord called his dad home. My own grandparents marriage lasted 62 years until my grandfather was called home.

We infantilize our young people in this culture. If we look back to our parents’ generation, many of them married young. My own mother tried to tell me that I, at 21, was too young to get married, yet she and my dad were married at 18 and 20! At the time, my dad was below the age of legal consent, the age for women was 18, and for men 21, therefore, his mom had to give her permission.

As a community, we need to do more to encourage marriage prior to having children.
Once you are of age, age shouldn’t matter, however, it is a fact that sometimes people may not be mature enough mentally to be married. But emotional maturity isn’t age dependent.

people make a mistake and marry the wrong one. that young lady said she wonder what she missed out on since she got married early. she didnt miss out on anything,honestly,but anyone can tell her that. i do not encourage my teens to get married at an early age. i encourage them to practice safe sex if they decide to have sex. i encourage them to wait til marriage to have sex because it is way way WAY better than sex than anything they could have being single!!!!! i encourage them to excel i h.s and go to college,get an education, have fun while you are there, make lifelong friends,graduate,own your own business so everyone else can hustle to make you money. buy your first house and then when mr or miss right comes along he/she will see they have found a good thing( the bible says when a man findeth a wife he findeth a good thing) BUT above all i will encourage them to hide their heart so deep in GOD that anyone who wants it will have to go to him to find. can the church say amen! halelujah!! tyJ.! (:-0 lol lol

My husband and I met when we were both twelve years old. I told my mother shortly after meeting him I was going to marry him. Even at that young age I knew he would be my husband one day. At the age of 24 we were married and this past December we celebrated our 21st anniveersary. Check out my blog to find out more about us and how we journeyed together on the path called marriage.

Tara,
I almost missed this post. I know a lot about puppy love. My wife and I met in high school, and she tells a similar story about the first day she saw me walk into History class. My version of the story is that “she stole me from my mother’s arms.”

We were married when I was 19 and she was 20. Shortly afterward, while I was still in shock, I found myself answering the very same questions as you — “You didn’t HAVE TO GET MARRIED. Why would you do such a foolish thing?”

My thoughts were, “This may be the worst mistake of my young life.”

Now, after 43 years of marital bliss, 2 children, and 2 grandchildren, I say, “Marrying my wife was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Yes, young love ain’t always puppy love .

Roger Madison

I think that’s a great story. Right now, I’m 20 and my bf is 24. We’ve been dating for over a year and we’ve been seriously talking about marriage for a while now. We’ve been officially courting since our 6th month together, and engagement is the next step. But since I’m 20 and in college, a lot of people, my own brother included, are incredulous that we’re looking to get married as soon as the time is right. It could be a year or few, lol, but we want to spend our lives together. The fact that your story seems similar to mine, and that you’re now a happy couple with a beautiful family is truly inspiring.
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