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30 Days of Sex Challenge

Relationships

by  |  on April 16th, 2010  |  40 comments

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by Harriet Hairston

I’d like to present a challenge to all the married couples out there reading. Tara wrote an article not too long ago that discussed how often couples should have sex. She stopped short of issuing a challenge to have have sex every night for a month.

Well, in case you all hadn’t noticed, I’m an extremist when it comes to a lot of things. I want to pick up where Tara left off and actually issue the challenge. My husband and I have started, and boy, let me tell you–well, never mind. Just know that we’re having a GREAT time with it.

Here are a few principles I’ve applied to this challenge that have helped us enjoy one another in this manner:

  • Wear the kids out, so you can wear each other out! Take them to the park, give them an hour or two to play, sweat, run, jump, all those verbs that get them dirty and when they get home, a bath turns into a sweet lullaby for them. Then, with the exception of their bedroom, the home becomes a playground for you and your spouse.
  • I know some of you aren’t friends with your spouse on Facebook. That’s fine…there are other methods like Yahoo where you can accomplish this, but while at work, engage in some erotic banter with your spouse during your lunch or break. Say what you would like to do, and what you would like to have done to you.
  • Make your emotions your aphrodisiac instead of your “I have a headache” excuse, ladies. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in embarking upon this challenge is that each “session” has a tone. If I’m angry at my husband, I don’t have to cut sex off. I can just take it out on him sexually. The same is true for any other emotion (i.e. frustration could lead to lots of teasing).
  • Dust off the lingerie, ladies. Some of it may require a college degree to put on, but it won’t stay on long. Enjoy the feel of lace instead of cotton! If you don’t have a collection, your hubby’s tank and a pair of cute panties will do just fine.
  • Make a playlist of songs that will put you in the mood for love.

Granted, most of these pointers are from a feminine standpoint. I would love to hear from husbands out there about the principles they apply towards sexual romance in their marriages. Men, leave a comment, please! Also, for the vixens out there, what kinds of pointers can you share that make you feel sexy (and sexable)?

Wow…30 straight days of sex may very well be every husband’s greatest dream. For wives, you will be surprised at the intimacy and transparency it will create in your marriage! Now seriously, it has long been rumored that single folks get more sex than married ones. I would like to lay that rumor to rest (pun intended)!

I’m planning on writing one article a week for the next month to let you know what I’ve learned OUTSIDE the bedroom as a result of heating things up INSIDE the bedroom. Who’s with me, BMWK? Would you like to try this challenge?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: “author.” You can purchase her first book, “Who Are You?” simply by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.


About the author

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain’t Boys and Still Standing.


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Comments (40)

  1. Tara Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    One thing I've discovered (much to my husband's delight) is that sex cures headaches. LOL. So don't use that as an excuse ladies! Also, if you're too tired for sex, go ahead and have sex anyway. If you're like me, you will get the best sleep of your life afterwards! I don't know about 30 days straight because of physical issues we ladies go through but I'm up for it. :) .-= Tara´s last blog ..Work it out with your childs father or try something new? =-.
  2. Veronica Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Great Challenge Harriet, I'm with Tara too, I discussed this with my husband on the way to work and he doesn't think I will do this challenge but I am gonna suprise him just watch :-)
  3. Harriet Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    You're right, Tara...girl, my mouth be all open, and I feel like I'm floating in that "after-sex sleep!" And 28 days will suffice, ladies and gentlemen...I know Auntie Flow likes to hate, so if need be, wait until she comes and leaves and THEN start the challenge! @ Veronica, Girl, go ahead and surprise that man...fulfill his wildest dreams! :)
  4. AJ Bell Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I agree with Tara. It also opens your sinus' if you're feeling down or have allergies. It's a temporary relief, but a relief, nonetheless. So being sick or feeling under the weather is not a good excuse. Plus it will help you sleep peacefully, afterwards.
  5. NADIA Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    hi , i have recently became a fan of this sight . i have only been married 1 1/2 yrs . we've been together 4 the last 6 yrs . and having more sex just makes my husband feel even better about himself. we usually have sex every and dont think it make much of a difference , he just keeps wanting more!! which i guss should be a good thing some would say . but i dont think it make a difference in our relationship as we fight even more than we have sex.
  6. Harriet Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @ Nadia, It really saddens me to hear that...but it also gave me another idea! For those of you couples out there that have become pros at getting it on like rabbits, I'd like to enhance your challenge! Make it 30 days of intimacy and romance! Table what you're fighting about until after sex. Set a mood each day through romantic dinners, intimate conversation (not sexual...intimate), vulnerability exercises, etc. Then MAKE LOVE and talk about your issues in the afterglow. See if that works, Nadia. You down?
  7. Sun Diva Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    A naked slow dance to our favorite love song(s) is something my husband and I have done since we were first married. Another thing that we recently did was I surprised my husband with a pallet on our carpeted floor, in front of a large mirror that we have propped up against the wall. I had the bedroom door closed with a post-it note on it, instructing him to disrobe before entering. I had the room candlelit, an incense burning and "our songs" playing softly...(o.k., I'll stop there). Let me just say, my husband said it was one of the most exciting times he's experienced, and that it was like watching a...(adult movie). :-) All in all, what I believe is that you have to change it up, spice it up, rev it up!
  8. Harriet Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Mannnnnn..... Look at this comment someone left on my Facebook page when I posted the challenge: "Well guess I gotta hire an accountant to keep track of single soiled royal oats!!!! You couples do the same thing a couple of times a week while us singles mingle and do some new thing with a couple of couples every night!!!!! ;-] When I buy oatmeal, I buy the variety pack! LOL" ~L.D. WTFraggle Rock?!? If this isn't a challenge, I don't know what is! Game on, married couples! Not to prove anyone wrong, but to show the beauty of making real love.
  9. Chasity Robinson Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I may alone is this statement, but I am a realist. I am all for the increased intimacy in marriage, however, unless you've gone through menopause, 30 days straight of sex seems a bit impossible.
  10. Erica Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I know I could do it! Gotta see if Mr. Day will say yes! I'll get back to you on this one. lol .-= Erica´s last blog ..Flickr Fun =-.
  11. Mz Fraz Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    This is a great idea! I will start Tuesday (got an unwanted visitor this week *sigh*) I'm curious how many times did Tara's article suggest a couple make love a week?
  12. Ayize Ma'at Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Do Me Baby....like you've never done before. LOL It's a beautiful thing when this type of challenge is issued by a woman. Ladies one thing you can do that my wife did for me is........give your husband a 30 day coupon book. Write something different on each coupon and allow him to cash in as he pleases. It will blow his mind away.
  13. Patrick Hairston Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @Ayize My wife made a coupon book that was 6 months and cashing them coupons in was the best time of my life. I must say I am enjoying the sex challenge. Thank you Tara for inspiring, and I thank you Beautiful for accepting it..........HALLELUJAH!!!!! I must admit though I have experience my wife in a whole new light, not talking about sex right now. I have experience intimacy with wife that I never thought was possible. I have enjoyed learning how to hear what she saying behind the words that she is speaking. I have learned what inspires her and what makes her give up. I am just excited about the fact that I ve learned that God has blessed with a wife that is "AMAZING". So now with what I have learned the atmosphere in the house is even more charge to complete the 30 day sex challenge..........
  14. Ronnie Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I am up for the challenge. .-= Ronnie´s last blog ..Young Love Aint Always Puppy Love =-.
  15. Harriet Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @ Mz. Fraz, You can check out the commentary to that article at this link: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/08/06/how-often-should-married-couples-have-sex/ It was a really hot topic!
  16. Harriet Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Chasity...not even a few quickies throughout the week, with the mind blowing stuff on the weekend is possible? No fellatio or cunnilingus? I'm not just talking about "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am," but an effort to shake things up a little (literally). Erica, let us know! I'm almost POSITIVE that he won't have any kind of argument against it. LOL Ayize, as my husband mentioned, I gave him a book of cute coochie coupons for father's day last year. They were really cute, too...little pictures, positions, games, ooo-wee. I let the creativity flow when I was making them. Boy, that man tore up some stuff trying to cash those things in! He even broke his glasses the first day! ROFL!!! We had a good time with them...it's about time for me to create some more! Patrick, baby, I love me some you! You were always good at making love to me physically, but now, you know how to work me intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. You're a 360 degree lover, and I so appreciate you for opening more avenues of intimacy between the two of us! Smooches, baby...I'll be home soon! ;) Ronnie, I'm excited for you and Lamar! Get it, girl! LOL
  17. Fran Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    put me down for this challenge. my husband works nites and all but my one year old is home during the day. it will be tricky to work around her as she is being weaned right now but.... i am mos def down for the challenge. thanks harriet for coming up with this challenge and @ everybody else for the suggestions. hmmm slow dancing,pallets and mirrors,coochie coupons. I LOOOOOOVVVVVE IT!! and my hubby will never know what hit him!!!
  18. kehinde23 Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Harriet you are a bona-fide clown! But I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and Tera tried to keep count of how many times we had sex our second year being married. Lost count by the second or third month. Fun games like this keep you and your spouse interested, open, and communicating.
  19. MySassyTree Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    This is what I'm talking about! Get naked! :-) . We are newlyweds & I have red lightbulbs & a pole in our bedroom. The ambiance is amazing on chocolate skin. We have no kids yet but my 5 yr old nephew thinks its a fireman pole, & I'll probably just gross our kids out & tell them the truth when they get older (like my father was when he visited recently). Our bedroom is OUR sanctuary. Who cares? Anyway, I took classes for a year & I know well how to use it but I hardly get the chance because a few minutes of dancing closely around the pole to a sexy song is enough to start our party. Weight gain is no excuse ladies! I'm size 18 jeans & my husband loves that I am still comfortable with my body around him. When I act sexy, I feel sexy, and he loves that. Also, we have all of our "talks" in the shower. It's hard to argue when both of you are naked. That's just silly. So, it cuts down on fights...oh, & I like the coupon idea, but I have an alter ego that does everything he wants her to do whenever he wants it. That's the rule. When he calls her name even in the midst of what could be a fight, "she" has to "see about him"..it makes me stop the mess & smile...it works for us! Enjoy! This is exciting!
  20. Anna Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    LOL great comments. Making love w/your mate should be exciting and beautiful. Sex can cure a headache because it is a stress reliever. It does also open the sinuses, maybe to well. I think my husband snores louder after great love making. LOL.
  21. Anna Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Forgot to add, will I take the challenge? Not sure. I like spur of the moment sometimes, even though the mood gets set hrs. earlier with foreplay, i. e. cooking together, washing dishes, doing laundry and talking on cell phones in different parts of the house.
  22. Fran Friday - 16 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @ harriet, looks like u done started something seriously fantastic, all the spouses will be delighted to know that we have taken up your challenge, looks like another RATED MA blow out!!!! felatio,cunnilingus, NO EXCUSES FOLKS she has called out the big guns,30 days or bust(:-0
  23. Harriet Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @ kehinde, dude...I THOUGHT YOU KNEW! LOL tera hit me up on FB, so you're in for a treat, bro! LOL @ fran, yes, the oral stimulation counts for when auntie flow comes to town. ladies, get you some tootsie roll lollipops and practice, practice, practice! and don't forget the hot chocolate/ice water trick. if all else fails, put a mint in your mouth and work it! the sensation will drive him crazy! now i'd better sign off before someone thinks i was a prostitute before i got married. ROFL
  24. Harriet Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @ sassy... girl, i like that altar ego idea! but for me there would have to be some rules with it...can't be all in public spaces letting my head spin around. ROFL
  25. Harmonee (formerly sassy) Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    @Harriet...girl, try it! You can do it in public, just make her G rated til you get home...lol. Speaking of rules, my hubby is OUT of control with the coupons, so the fellas will probably disown me, but Icreated rules for mine: 1. One coupon per day & 2. Some coupons are for all day & some have time limits 3. They DO expire (ours is 2 or 3 months) to give incentive for the next book. 4. They have identifiable numbers 5. Any alterations (copies, added details, tearing identifiable parts off to reuse...lol) to the coupons make them null & void...lol. It's still fun, but my hubby is too excited & funny with these so I have to limit them to prevent overuse! lol
  26. yiella Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I will have to try it . Have ask thehubby first
  27. Ruby Griffin Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    oh!!!! how deep this article have touch many of you'll heart...all men want to be the best of the best,when it come to being a great lover,they want that sex crown to let themselves know,i earn this ,nobody can take this away from me,this is my crown...sex challenge sound like a great ideas,but what wrong with being yourself,let the love flow,take a walk in the park,maybe a ride in the country,you be surprise what nature will bring upon you,take it slow,your sex challenge will be your greater reward....
  28. Erica Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    So I asked him and he responded with an enthusiastic YES! lol .-= Erica´s last blog ..Candy! =-.
  29. {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After Saturday - 17 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Ha! I loved reading these comments! {And this challenge sounds fun.} .-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Corinne Bailey Rae… And Other Ladies Just As Lovely =-.
  30. Danielle D'Haiti Sunday - 18 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    This is such a wonderful idea. Does this really truely change a man? I've been married for 1year and 9 months. My husband and I have a 6 month old and we fight all the time. He is completlye emotionaly shut down and I have physically shut down. Not complelty but it might as well be completly to him. So, I will give this a try. I like the thought of talking about stuff afterwards when we are feeling good. I'll try this, thank you for the idea.
  31. Lorenzo Sunday - 18 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I am feeling this challenge but I can honestly say that my spouse would not for some of the same reasons/excuses that some of the ladies stated (i.e. headaches, tired, sick, etc) and I am patient through it all. I am sure that I am not the only man that suffers from the afore mention. There is so much I would like to say or get the woman's and men's point of view but this isn't the forum for that :). Ladies please step up to the challenge, this will make a world of change in your husbands life in turn will do the same with you. Two things were stated that I like "taking out your frustrations on him"-great idea and stress reliever, "He feels a lot better about himself after the fact or next day"-ladies, its in the bible, woman have power over men...lol, not like we don't know that though.
  32. Harriet Sunday - 18 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    OK, gentlemen...I've only heard from four of you thus far, and the unanimous consensus is that this would definitely be a great challenge for your wives to take on. Ladies, are you observing this? Very few men out there are going to turn down such a challenge! I found two short resources that really helped me out, ladies. One was how to enhance your oral abilities, and the other was how to have an orgasm every time (you know it's more complicated for women than men). If you're interested in reading them, shoot me an e-mail!
  33. Tiya Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Okay Harriet, thanks for the inspiration to take this challenge! Sign me up! :)
  34. Antionette Wednesday - 21 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I am in agreement with this challenge. .-= Antionette´s last blog ..Can A Mommy Wear That? =-.
  35. Precious Wednesday - 21 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I am up for the challenge. I just talked to my husband and we are going to take this challenge. This should be fun, exciting, and worthwhile to make love with my husband and have some "us" time. GAME ON!!!!
  36. codygirl Sunday - 25 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    OMG what an exciting challenge!! Were in GAME ON!!
  37. Keith Dent Tuesday - 27 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    As a Relationship Coach, I am going to issue the challenge to my Strive 2 Succeed in Marriage and Relationship Fans on Facebook. It sounds like a great challenge..If by some chance there are some members of your fans that want to participate in this challenge, but need to clear some obstacles first, feel free to e-mail me at strive2succeed@comcast.net. We are need more lovin' in our lives.
  38. susie wirth Thursday - 29 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Check out our book that goes along with the challenge:) "30daysexchallenge-A Journey To Intimacy" Thanks for the continued communication on this important subject in relationships!
  39. Harriet Thursday - 29 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    Wow! Where have I been? I didn't know there was a book along these lines! Thanks for the reference, Susie!
  40. kelly Thursday - 13 / 05 / 2010 Reply
    Am with my wife julie are actually talking about our our plans for that.

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