Be Together For The Kids Or Be With Someone New?

Comments (15)

1. 

   Shumpy Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   Generally speaking, I agree. When we choose to marry someone or have a child with them I think an extra tie is formed. I don't think anyone should stay in a bad/abusive/loveless relationship, I just think there are some add'l obligations to consider.
2. 

   AJ Bell Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   This is a tough one because we don't really know why they broke up in the first place, or how long she's been with the new guy. Her and the new guy could still be in the honeymoon stage. We also don't know how long it's been since the girl's father has changed. She's going to have to decide if she can truly live a fulfilling life with her daughter's father. If not, and he will remain a major part of his daughter's life, then she should feel comfortable moving on.
3. 

   Ruby Griffin Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   It's a hard decision for any women to make if they are still in love with they baby daddy and he have move on....first of all, she must let go of her feeling for her baby daddy before moving on to another men, when you meet a men for the first time that what you getting,so think before you leap,that is what it is,no changing of that men... sat your daughter down and talk to her,let her know that you love her and her daddy love her as well,make sure you let her know,that she is not the reason of you all break-up and move on,don't dwell on what if,or it going to get better,he going to change,cause you all have a daughter together,he knew that before he walk out of you all life...so why are you looking back on heartaches,if he walk out,and you continue to let him in...when is it going to stop? you only messing up your daughter life as well as your own...nip it in the bud,from the beginning...put god in the head of your life,love yourself and daughter,go out in the world with a positive atitude,and make it happen for you, and your daughter...life is good,if you want,and let it be... you got to be the one to choose your path...let it be the right one...
4. 

   Aja Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   I think there is a reason why she is no longer with her child's father and that without knowing what that reason is its hard to give advice one way or the other. I think she should take a really thorough look at why they broke up in the first place. Was it just issues of communication, or did they have more serious issues? I think that she will also need to take some time and look at the change on his part. Is it a true attempt to change, or is it just a reaction to the fact that he sees her now happy with someone else? If she were to return to the relationship and those previous issues were to still be there, how would they deal and work through them? There are so many questions that need to be considered that only she would be able to answer. While I think that having a family under one roof is ideal, returning to an unhealthy situation with no real plan as to how to address those issues could be an even bigger problem in the long run.
5. 

   Fran Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   there are so many unknown properties to this question. i will say this though my teenage daughters father was a dead beat dad for the begining of her life but one day he just showed up and said he wanted to be a part of her life. i told him ok with conditions at first but once he proved that he was serious he won both of our hearts. and we were together for a good while but i realized that i had grown up and apart from him and while he was content to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever i was not and wanted more. we broke up and I moved on. met someone who loved me enough to "lock in on this good thang" and he is still upset to this day that i would dare to marry anyone and not be satisfied to just be his boo. he is still a great father but my husband (who i knew before my daughter father)has loved my daughter all of her life as much any man could. very glad i didnt stay with my daughters father. it would have been the BIGGEST mistake of my life. very very glad i married my hubby. wouldnt switch him for nothin
6. 

   Brotha Tech Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   I say "be happy" If the new man makes her happy, I see no reason for homegirl to look back. If the father REALLY is on some "new attitude" stuff, then he SHOULD understand why things are the way they are, and will not try to get all in the mix. If he tries to mess things up out of spite, then like everyone already said "there's a resaon why the ex is an x"...and it prolly should stay that way. Life is too short to worry about the "shoulda, woulda, coulda". I say stick with what is working and keep it movin' .-= Brotha Tech´s last blog ..800,000 People are “Cutters” =-.
7. 

   Tara @ The Young Mommy Life Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   A few more details. She's been with the new guy for over a year. He recently moved away, so they are in a long-distance relationship, which may be causing her to second-guess the relationship. But everything I've heard her say about the new guy has been all positive, so I don't know WHAT to tell her! :) .-= Tara @ The Young Mommy Life´s last blog ..Work it out with your child’s father or try something new? =-.
8. 

   T.D. Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   I think everything in life happens for a reason. When God takes people out of our lives or puts people in it, there is always a purpose behind it. I agree with those that said that it is sort of difficult to give her any real advice because we don't really know how she is feeling and what she is going through. The thing with writing it that we can control what we put in there and others only have that to work with. Since her new man has moved away and she is feeling some type of void, she is feeling that she need her daughter's father in the picture again to be that temporary fill in. I feel she can still have a successful long distance relationship if they truly love one another and it's really meant to be. She should keep her daughter's father in the role of a father but keep it to that extent. The only one we can get true guidance from is the almighty. She should speak to a religous leader for help or someone else that she trusts to give that to her. We as the readers can only give her advice based on our own experiences which can be either good or bad. In the end, what matters most now is her child and making sure that whatever decision she makes is the best one.
9. 

   Sherry Pringle Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

   You stated that your current boy friend is the man of your dreams and a great guy you really love. Now if that is true, why would you be asking about your child’s father? As you stated, he had his chance and you’re with a great guy now. It’s understandable that you would still want to work things out with your child’s father if you were not currently in a relationship. However, you are in a relationship and with someone you claim to really love. So there are a few questions you have to ask yourself: 1. What do YOU really want and need in a man? 2. What qualities and characteristics qualify each of these men as a good lifetime partner for YOU. 3. Which (if either) guy is the best fit for you (lifestyle, goals, etc.)? 4. Are you really ready to make a long-term commitment to that man? Just because a man is a good man doesn’t mean he’s a good man for you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you force a relationship that is not a good fit with your lifestyle and life goals. You have got to get firm on what you really want and need (child’s father or not). Recognize the man that is best qualified to provide those wants and needs for you and commit to him. No, what if’s or maybe’s!
10. 

    Ruby Griffin Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

    I'm not focus on what and why.i'm focus on that he is alway gone,if he was still there,or just thinking about it,that is another stories ,and maybe they could sat down and talk about it,and work on the solution,but if he is alway gone,what left to talk about ,his mind was already made up...she have gotten into another relationship,with this other guy,if they do get back together,it going to be a serious misunderstanding...let be real here,what i mean is this...when you in a relationship with a men and you break-up,and go back together,you going back as half of the person you was before the seperation,you going to have to work on building back up your trust and respect of that men,to be whole again..i don't know who left who.or what,but for show,your men is not going to let you forget the other guy...you need to think about that point of view also...when he left,he didn't think he was doing wrong, and you going to spend half of your time in the relationship trying to please him,so he want walk again...i'm just being real...
11. 

    Staycee2 Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

    I was in a similar situation and I didn't give my "baby daddy" a second chance, because all that the new guy was showing I never/should have experienced the first time around. Keep it movin with the new guy! The only reason she is entertaining the "baby daddy" is because the new guy is out of sight, out of mind! Remember mom, shame on you once, not twice!
12. 

    Political Pete Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

    There is a faulty premise concerning this whole argument: The two decisions should be mutually exclusive and not dependent on the outcome of another. If not, when things don't work out with the new guy, you will constantly regret it and think "I should have went with my kid's dad." On the flip, if she is with the baby daddy, she will think "why didn't I go with the new guy, I had notice about this." I agree with Fran, there are way too many unknown factors; however, the situation needs to be evaluated separately. This seems like more of a dangling of which gamble to take. I've been there, and when you are comparing two people(an Ex and a current), you've already tacitly admitted that you have not moved on. My general advice is this. Never EVER stay together solely for a child. It is often hard to be honest with ourselves and admit if the institution of a family is causing us to make a very very bad long term decision. This is the most important decision you will make in life....Much like any other relationship, there is so much more in creating sustainability and healthy relationship . . . and exposing your child to something unhealthy or a drama-filled relationship may cause more harm than good. IMHO, its better that your child witnesses a caring and loving marriage and is showered with love. Evaluate who you want to be with from that standpoint. It's good that your child has a good relationship with both, so that makes it a little more objective. Now, if the circumstances are reconcilable and you trust this ex, I agree with the post above--it's often harder to repair something that is already damaged... so know that it will be twice as hard.
13. 

    Fran Monday - 19 / 04 / 2010 Reply

    sometimes its difficult to raise a child together with being romantically involved. added to that alot of folks say long distance relationships are doomed to fail so she may have that on her mind also. the only relationship she has had with this guy is boyfriend/girlfriend i think she and this guy should take some parenting classes together so that they can establish a different type of relationship that will allow them to co-parent w/o being romantically involved. if she doesnt do this, she will continue to fall in and out of love with her baby daddy. as for her boo being far away. long distance relationships can work as long as the distance is temporary,ie he moves back or she moves there. the only time anyone should stay for the kids is when you are married and thats only if you seek counseling,to assist with coming to some positive solutions to yalls problems. this woman oand her baby daddy are not married. this woman says she is in love with her boyfriend, stay with your boo and take coparenting classes
14. 

    Lisalisa Saturday - 24 / 04 / 2010 Reply

    She really needs to step back and think this through. Her daughter has already been through one failed relationship with her mother and before she takes on another one she needs to be sure. The child has a father, and he seems to be active in her life,so her daughter does not need anohter dad. Until you are sure about the relationship don't involve your child, no matter which one it is. Don't get her hopes up that she is going to have both mommy and daddy under one roof, or get her attached to another man for it not to work out between the two of you. You first need to work out the "grown folk business" before you involve your child no matter which way you go.
15. 

    Heartshealed Sunday - 25 / 09 / 2011 Reply

    I would suggest that Pam look at the big picture, definitely the reasons why the relationship failed to begin with, if it's minor, something that's fixable, that he has changed or working on and she truly loves him, give it another shot. Don't do it if it's to paint the perfect family portrait or to make her daughter happy, because she will be miserable, he will feel it, the child will learn a false meaning of love. Be honest with your current boyfriend, let him go so you can clear your head, you may lose him, but you must be true to you. My guidance to love now days is 1Corinthians 13:4.......it's easier said though, I am learning about real love, it's not easy and must be constantly watered to grow. Simple question, what do you mean when you say you love him?