Why Did I Get Married?
by Jewell Powell
In April 2010, the sequel “Why Did I Get Married Too?” by Tyler Perry should have all married couples asking themselves the same question.
I pretty much ask myself that question daily. On the good days, I look at him and say, “That’s my man. He’s loving, gorgeous, and I love him.” On other days, I look at him and say, “Why am I still married to you? You get on my nerves, we can’t seem to get along, and I don’t like you.”
I met my prince charming in June 1992. After a couple years of dating, he seemed to be everything I wanted in a man – tall, dark, and handsome. We were married in May 1996 and I thought, “I am married to the love of my life.” Then the honeymoon came and went quickly, very quickly.
Many arguments and fights ensued over the next couple years until we separated in 2001. Although something was telling me that I didn’t want to be with him anymore, he still had my heart. Pride was telling me to leave and that I could do better, I could find someone better… I’m a nice looking person, educated, fun to be with, friendly. What happened to the man I thought I married; had he changed?
The truth of the matter was he hadn’t changed. He possessed those same qualities I’d fallen in love with. It was those characteristics I’d focused on during our four-year courtship. Sure, I’d caught little glimpses of his temper, that tiny hint of meanness, and we’d had our share of arguing, but I’d forgotten about all that in the months leading up to our wedding day. I began to realize that my perception of him before we were married was different because I’d focused on the good in him. After we got married, the rosy glasses came off.
I began focusing on all his flaws. That is when I started asking myself why in the world I’d ever married him. But each day brought new flare-ups, and as each ‘bad’ day became etched in my mind, it became bigger than any of the long-forgotten ‘good’ days.
After we separated, I looked back over our relationship, the good and bad. Yes, we had two beautiful daughters, a lovely home and life and part of me still loved him (a little bit). What happened? Did he change on me? My mind was constantly searching for answers. The problem was, the questions I was asking myself were all about him. Then I started questioning us: Did we outgrow one another? Did we not know each other very well before we got married? Then, the questions turned to me: Did I do this? Did I do that?
What I realized was that I needed to be the change I wanted to see in my marriage. It occurred to me that my mouth which cursed him out daily, needed to bless him instead. My constant judging and condemning needed to stop and be replaced by encouraging and uplifting him. I stopped focusing on the negative aspects of our marriage and started focusing on the good. Once I started making these small changes, my marriage got better.
So, why did I get married? It was because of all the same reasons when he asked me. The question now is why do I stay married? It’s because I made a promise, a vow, to Lewis and God that I’d stick with him until death, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. No matter what challenges our marriage faces, I’m in it for the long haul.
So, why did you get married?
~Jewell
Jewell R. Powell, affectionately known as the “Marriage Coach” is the author of the #1 bestseller and award winning book Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Please visit Jewell at www.marriage101.us
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