The Black Wives’ Club

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by Lamar Tyler | on May 26th, 2010 | 17 comments

bmwkwives

by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

Once I decided that relationship coaching was to become my niche, I immediately started putting a plan of action in place that would allow me to reach couples, parents and most importantly women. Specifically, African-American women.

One of those big ideas was to create the Black Wives’ Club. The purpose was to build a network for married women of color. Creating a place for us to let our hair down, discuss the joys and pains of marriage (mostly the joys) became my passion. But somewhere down the line I began to feel a little guilty and nervous about discussing my new project with certain friends and family (specifically friends who were of other races and those that were single). I had a sense my mission would be misunderstood and I worried about the exclusion some would feel. But when I focused on the purpose, it was not about excluding anyone; it was about supporting something big, black marriages.

All marriages (and wives) could use support, but because more African-American children were growing up in single parent homes, something needed to happen to encourage black marriages. There is a role we all can play in that. This is why I absolutely love BMWK and how Ronnie and Lamar are doing their part. My part became encouraging the black wife to build a healthy marriage. There were certain needs that I felt black married women had. For example, we need to know that those days we struggle to hold it together (taking care of kids, household and our men) we aren’t the only ones with that challenge. When financial woes threaten to tear down our homes, we need a release. Those times when the marriage is going great and we want to share just how much we love our men, it is great to have someone who can relate. Wives can vent, laugh, cry, share, uplift and encourage. One of the questions asked of women who were requesting membership into the club was “Why do you want to be a member?” The responses varied from networking with like-minded women to getting ideas on how to make a marriage stronger. So while it was never my intention to leave anyone out, I knew that black married women needed a network, but black marriages as a whole would benefit from The Black Wives’ Club.

BMWK, what are your thoughts on networks/clubs that target a certain gender, race and/or status of relationship? Do you feel they are necessary?

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, the founder of Life Editing, creator of The Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.wisdomgoddesses.com Michelle

Tiya I think BWC is very needed and I absolutely Love IT! I think clubs that target a certain gender and race are needed and very helpful. Without BMWK or BWC I don’t know if I would’ve made it through my transition from Girlfriend to Wife so smoothly. Here I can read articles that make me say OMG I do that or I didn’t know that. With any Niche Market the saying “You can’t please everyone!” is the PERFECT saying. So keep up the good work and I absolutely LOVE BWC and I’ve invited many of my newlywed friends to the group.
http://www.baby4two.blogspot.com Lisa

Great topic Tiya. I however have mixed feelings when it comes to exclusivity in clubs/organizations. On one hand, I understand the need to be comfortable and able to express oneself with those of similar backgrounds. On the other hand, I feel as though we set ourselves back when we refuse to incorporate other view points from other cultures. Needless to say, there may be some things that our caucasian, asian, or hispanic sisters can learn from us. And not too mention, there may be a couple of things we can learn from them as well. Organizations like the “Black” Chamber of Commerce and such, have good intentions, but to me further segregate us within a world that is clearly full of diversity. So, I applaud your effort to support “marriages”, Lord knows we need it. However, I personally would be interested in finding the keys to successful marriages period, not just Black ones.
http://mothertoson.blogspot.com Kim Crouch

I love the concept. I think it’s smart to have such organizations/associations/networks because then you can focus on the members that fit that demographic and provide them what they need. It also allows a core group of people with similar interests to come together and discuss concerns, issues of relevance to them.
.-= Kim Crouch´s last blog ..Why Your Son Needs A Success Advocate? =-.
Candice B-Jones

I love the idea,here I’m am 26yrs old married with three little men.. My husband and I have been together for more then nine years,and beacuse alot of my friends and family aren’t married they don’t always know what to say…So yes the idea is great….
busybodyk

I think its a great idea!
RW

I love the idea. I, too, am the only one in my “immediate circle” who is married (I’m talking in my demographic-close friends of similar age and professional status). I love my husband, my life, and have very few complaints. But one of them, for both my husband and myself, is that we don’t have any couple friends. And like Candice B-Jones said, sometimes you are limited in those circles that can’t relate to married life.

And @ Lisa, just because you are in one group doesn’t mean you have to limit yourself to just that group if you want a wider perspective. For example, I read Essence, Ebony, & Cosmo. The former targets AA women and the latter targets women in general (but mostly caters to the majority). So I feel, I get a wide perspective of women’s issues in general.
Tiya

@Michelle, thank you so much for your words of encouragement and you are absolutely right, I can’t please everyone, and better yet, I don’t think I’m supposed to.
@Lisa, I also see your point of view, but I just know for some, they are more receptive of information when they feel it is coming from someone who truly gets their situation.
Thank you Kim, Candice, Busybody and RW!
Fran

i think bwc is a great idea that you have put in motion. if black wives are joining than it must be needed. dont let what anyone else say prevent you from doing whats in your heart. your club is an option not a mandate and if someone wants to make a white wives club or hispanic wives club,non american wives club,indian wives club etc… they should feel free to do so,esp if the sole purpose is to help and uplift the wives who join. congrats on your club,do your thing!!!!!
Tiya

Thank you Fran!!!!!
Anonymous

I totally agree with Kim and Fran. We all have a choice of what we include ourselves in or not. To have a group/organization that you can identify with is exactly what a lot of us are in need of. I know I am looking forward to more.

mamaDeen
http://www.realwivesofchicago.com Nichelle Nemo

I think having an outlet for wives is definetly important today. Ive also started an organization called real wives of chicago to serve as an outlet for married woman from all cultures, religion and backgrounds and it has truly develop into a sisterhood. I love the concept of BWC and focusing on black love and black marriages and would love to get together to work with you on future events.
Tiya

Nichelle, I would love that too. I am also in Chicago. We should definitely meet up.
http://www.realwivesofchicago.coom Nichelle Nemo

Yes, Please email me at realwivesofchicago@yahoo.com or check out our website…www.realwivesofchicago.com. We are on facebook and just began our blog site http://realwivesofchicago.blogspot.com/2010/06/celebrating-sisterhood.html. Please reach out when you can.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

@Nichelle- make sure you and the real wives of Chicago come out to meet Ronnie and Me on July 22nd at the ICE Theaters. We’ll be screening and discussing our latest film, You Saved Me.
http://www.realwivesofchicago.com Nichelle Nemo

Yes, we will be there! Thank you for inviting my organization and we are looking forward to meeting you.
http://www.realwivesofchicago.com Nichelle Nemo

Also if you wouldn’t mind sending me the details of the screening on July 22nd so I can pass it down to the other wives that would be great…realwivesofchicago@yahoo.com
Tiya

Nichelle, I will definitely check and the website and I will look for you at the You Saved Me screening too. Looking forward to connecting.

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