Would You Get Surgery to Get Your Sexy Back?

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by Lamar Tyler | on May 26th, 2010 | 19 comments

bmwksurgeons

by Aja Dorsey Jackson

First let me say that I am grateful that my pregnancies were fairly kind to my body. I didn’t have much trouble losing the baby weight and wasn’t left with too many unpleasant physical side effects. I can even look half decent in a bikini if the bottom half falls right below my belly button.

The problem? The lower part of my abs look like they have been clawed by an angry bear. I am always in debate as to how much this bothers me as I am never walking around in low rise jeans and a belly shirt, and my husband is the only person who ever sees my tummy trouble outside of myself. He always assures me that it doesn’t bother him at all which should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I find myself on occasion thinking: if I can fix it, why shouldn’t I?

Until a couple of years ago, I would have silently judged someone expressing the same point of view. Why undergo the risks associated with surgery when you could just save your money and invest your time in feeling good about yourself regardless? But after the birth of my son, once I knew that our family was complete, I started to think about how it would feel to have my body back intact. Call it vanity, but I run several miles a day, and when I look at my abs rippling, I want it to be because of my muscles, not because I look like I’ve been attacked with a kitchen knife.

Even so, I also wonder what message I would be sending if I opted for a surgical procedure instead of just choosing to be happy with myself. I always try to instill confidence in my daughter and teach her to love herself regardless of what society says is beautiful. Wouldn’t going under the knife just prove that I don’t always believe that to be true? Is a nip and a tuck a good way to feel better about me, or just evidence of me giving in to my own insecurities?

Would you get plastic surgery? Does it send the wrong message?

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her at www.twitter.com/ajajackson.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/ Ronnie

I feel your pain. My husband and my kids still rub my belly like I am still pregnant…I’m like guys…I am not pregnant. They love my belly..it’s like another member of the family . But I am trying to get rid of it the old fashioned way…like you, I am jogging every morning and trying to watch what I eat.

Plastic surgery is not an option for me..mainly because I have other priorities for my money (savings, bills, kids, braces, home improvements…etc.) But who knows what I would decide to do if I actually had the money for it.

I am not against it. I think some people go too far. But I bet most people can’t afford to go over board like that anyway. If I did decide to get plastic surgery…I probably would not talk about it with many people and definitely not with my kids.
.-= Ronnie´s last blog ..The Bottom Line Returns This Week! =-.
http://www.evelynadamsjazz.com Evelyn

Yes. I would keep it to myself, as Ronnie said, but if I was able to, and had enough time to spend in recovery, money, and the support of my husband I would absolutely do it.
Smiley Face

Nope, it’s just not for me. Sexy, for me, is a state of mind.
Kellie

I think we have to know WHY we’re doing it. If it’s to enhance what’s already beautiful, then cool. If the surgery is supposed to provide an instant self-esteem booster, then HECK NO. I have a friend who had gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago and went from a size 24 to about a size 10/12. She was beautiful before and is now an enhanced version of herself. She’s always been confident, and she now wants to have surgery to cut away some of the sagging skin that hasn’t “left” yet. She suggested that she looks like a “melting candle” when she’s naked. If I were in her shoes, I think I would go for it. If I were Heidi “whatsherface” from “The Hills” who just had a rack of surgery that made her look plastic and wants more, then NO WAY!

As for me, I think that after I’m finished having kids, I may go for the breast lift or tummy tuck (or maybe a little liposuction) if funds permit.
michele

If anything at all, I would get these “dimples” smoothed out. I work out 5 times a week, and drink plenty of water, but they’re still camping out on the back of my thighs, and there’s nothing cute about playing connect the dots back there! =D I am a lot older now so I know it takes a little longer to get “in shape,” and I’m okay with that. I have 4 kids, and didn’t get stretch marks until I had my youngest. The marks aren’t that bad, but they’re an odd pattern in one spot. My tummy still protrudes slightly, but I know what I need to do to take care of that. I love my body though just the way it is. I love the “curves” bearing children gave me. Other than the few imperfections that bother me (and me only), I’m good! I say to each her own, and whatever makes YOU happy is all that matters.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara @ The Young Mommy Life

I’ve made a lot of progress in the past two months (top portion of my belly is almost completely flat! Yay!) but the lower portion? Lawd, give me strength!

I would get plastic surgery if something was really bothering me and I would tell my kids why I had it done. If I have plastic surgery, then I need to explain why. I don’t necessarily think it means I don’t love my body – it’s just enhancing the beauty of it!
.-= Tara @ The Young Mommy Life´s last blog ..What about your friends? =-.
http://www.ajadorseyjackson.com Aja

@Ronnie I agree, that my money right now is such that I can’t afford it anyway so its a non-issue for the immediate future, but if I could I might consider it.

@Kellie I agree that the why is important and I think not really knowing why is what causes a lot of people to go overboard. For me, it’s not that I don’t feel sexy overall anyway with or without the stretch marks, but it is something that I look at and wish that I could change. Most things about my body that aren’t “perfect” I’ve learned to love and accept as just a part of me. I’ve never been busty and I’ve also never had the urge to go get a boob job. But something about the tummy just annoys me more than anything else.
http://www.ajadorseyjackson.com Aja

@Tara Congrats on your progress. I’m telling you with the upper abs I have the top half of a six pack that completely disappears below the belly button. I can create a Janet Jackson abs optical illusion if I pull my pants up like Steve Urkel!
Fran

i have had four csectio, and my bellg looks like kate from john and kate plus 8. i have a long up and down scar. my husband tells me dont fix it leave it. but my sisters and daughter is always razzing me about it. my belly has been flatter than a pancake and the scar was still there along with a slight poof, if i could have the surgery i probably wouldnt. i have had four major csection surgeries and the worst part was recovery. i had my tubes tied so i wouldnt have to go thru that again. i still have baby weight to loose and i will but once it get flat again i will leave it alone. i will feel victorious if i can just loose the weight i have gained. when i was young i never put my body on display and wouldnt do it now. so it doesnt matter too much about the scar or the stretch marks. my hubby loves my body just the way that i am and thats more than enough for me, but i love my body also and that cream for me. we have to do what feels right to us and forget about everyone elses negative opinion of us
http://stuffgirlslike.net speaktough

Well why can we not all grow old gracefully?

the culture we live in celebrates youth, so we are all trying to look good for our age, which is not healthy when surgery is involved.

sad to see what society has done atao us all, I am all for exercise but we need to take care not to be too vain.
.-= speaktough´s last blog ..Tyler Perry Janet Jackson Premiere =-.
http://www.chocolatemomrants.blogspot.com/ Chocolate Mom

I just finished posting how fat I am and that I’ve got to get myself back on my healthy kick. Not once have I ever thought of having any surgery to get my sexy back…although I have teased my hubby that when I hit 40 I want a boob lift (no amount of exercise can fix having breast fed two kids!) LOL
.-= Chocolate Mom´s last blog ..FAT ENOUGH FOR YUH!! =-.
Kisha

I’ve claimed that I wanted a breast lift…

I had my kids at 19 and 21. No issues with excess baby weight or stretch marks really. Then from 24-26 I gained over 50lbs. And when I lost it…disaster. LOL! My boobs disappeared. They’re a 34D now which isn’t bad but boy oh boy they are NOT as perky as I think they should be (I’m ONLY 30!).

However (LOL!) when I did the research, I was NOT having it! I don’t want my nipples “moved”. I don’t want to go through the pain of recovery. So…probably a no go for me
http://Funkidivagirl.com Funkidivagirl

While I know that I can improve some areas and yes, they do bother me A LOT, I don’t think that I could get plastic surgery. Do I want the stretch marks gone, the boobs full and perky again and my stomach flat? YES, and no amount of exercise is going to change that. But, even if I had the money and could talk myself into the pain of recovery, I don’t see how I can explain that to my daughter (age who watches me like a hawk. I do not want to give her the message that I have to “fix” my body into an ideal version to feel good about myself. She sees me exercising everyday and I make sure to say that it’s because I need to be healthy and strong, not to stay skinny.

My husband loves my body just the way it is and no one else is going to see me without clothes.
.-= Funkidivagirl´s last blog ..Fancy Dresser (part 3): How To Apply Eye Make-up And Look Smokin’ Hot =-.
CC

NO b/c i hate doctors, hospitals, needles, doctor bills, etc
sex = doctor is what i learned way back in the day. it’s what made me have only 2 kids in the first place and i wouldn’t have even had baby number 2 if husband hadn’t been pressuring me. elective surgery would never happen w/ me. iv lost all the weight before w/ excercise and i’ll do it again
http://marriedwithkids M Linnet

Ask yourself why you believe you need plastic surgury before you do it! After 3 kids I had a breast reduction (breast fed 2) and lipo. I am happy with the outcome . I have a friend that has had lipo. She has one child. She stays in the gym and constantly talks about more surgery. In my opinion she needs counseling. Being fit and healthy is one thing but when you spend that much time in the gym and spend tons of money just so you can say you look good at 40 then you have mental issues. Be happy and satisfied with yourself as is. If you ahve a health issue or a family history of health issues be thoughtful about your weight and what you eat. Otherwise dont be Kanye West mom having unnecssary procedures that may cost you your life.
Rachel

While studying for the bar exam, I gained a lot of weight and cannot seem to lose it. I walk to work and drink lots of water and eat healthy. I only exercise intermittently because I just can’t seem to find the time between work and all the other stuff we have going on. I only got married two years ago (and don’t have any kids yet) and I am already 25 lbs. heavier than when my husband and I first started dating. I am kinda freaking out about it. But I am not ready to go under the knife yet. I do find myself thinking about it though and never thought I would. At this point, I am considering getting rid of some of my commitments and getting a personal trainer.
Anna

I skimmed though a few comments. A real man will tell you “he does not care”. I just hope that if a woman goes to such extremes it’s for her and not a man. Sexy is as Sexy does. Going under the knife does not make one “sexy”. I did not find my sexy until I turned 40. I will be 43 soon and me and my husband have more fun now than when we first got married. Bodies change, hair changes(not ours) but a waist line too can change(ours did) LOL. My husband goes to the gym a few times a week. I look at the exercise equipment everyday(I might hang a blouse on it or even dust it off), I don’t use the equipment( but the nieces and nephews love to go upstairs to put miles on them). Being anything really is a state of mind”. I love being a wife, I love being a mother, I love being “employed”. I will never fret over if my looks/body is suppose to be “the center of attention”. I want my brain to be the center of attention, not my big boobs, or fat butt or nice hair, which on many are all fake. I may be Crazy with a K but I am not that Krazy to alter me.
PS. Iwould not mind a exerciese routine to perk up my back side. LOL. Over the yrs. I got as flat as the pancakes my husband makes on the weekends. LOl.
freckldgem

This is a topic I thought I would never consider….then I had kids.

Now that I’ve had my second child, I’m looking at my breasts with such dissapointment. I have lost all the baby weight but I think I did it way too fast because I’m hanging loose in places that just isn’t attractive…my breasts being the main concern. I spoke to a couple of my best girlfriends about it and we all want the same thing. We don’t wish to have FF’s we just want them to sit back up LOL! I know that physically our bodies aren’t meant to revert back to it’s 20s just because you’re done having kids BUT wouldn’t it be nice to not have to tuck your breasts into your bra anymore????

I think if I had the money I would pay to have them “sit up” like they did 10-12 years ago – and if my girlfriends had it, they’d be right next to me in the recovery room LOL!!!
Staycee2

I nursed my 1st for 9 months & my 2nd for 5 months, but I refuse to get a breast lift!! My husband loves me for me and I truly appreciate that.. But I must confess I would love some breast implants!!!!!