Cut the Small Talk…I Need a Conversation!?
by Harriet Hairston
One of my favorite quotes of all time is by an anonymous author: ”A wise old owl sat on an oak. The more he saw, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. Why aren’t we like that wise old bird?” So when I’m in a group of people, I don’t feel the urge to talk all the time. I’ve learned that the more you listen, the more you learn about others just by observation.
Nevertheless, at home is where my inner chatterbox tends to rear her head. I have always loved the sound of my husband’s voice. Although we don’t engage in a whole lot of small talk (he’s the strong, silent, musical type), our conversations are full of substance and humor. This article outlines nine conversations that aid in the health of marital relationships. It was both encouraging and intriguing that my husband and I engage in these types of conversations quite often:
- Embarrassing moments: nothing like a little vulnerability and transparency when you share moments that make you hang your head in shame. Like the time I was playing basketball, and this dude tripped me and I fell right on my chest…and bounced! Yeah…not a good moment at all.
- Fears and insecurities: my husband and I shared a boo-hoo moment in the bathroom as we were getting ready for work. Typically, when I feel afraid or insecure about something, I retreat to a safe place in my mind, and if anyone bothers me in my self-made prison, there is hell to pay. LOL But that can only take you so far in a marriage, and if you can’t share that information with the person you’ve pledged to spend the rest of your life with, who can you share it with? (Note: Mama or Daddy, homeboy or homegirl, brother or sister should not be filling in the blank here).
- Current events: My husband knows I love to watch and/or read the news. We’ll talk about anything from floods to terrorist plots, to the latest crazy episodes of Dateline NBC.
- The future: do you have a vision for your family and where it’s going in the next 3 weeks, months, years, etc.? It’s always good to do a sanity check on your future goals with one another.
Although I prefer being quiet when it comes to complete strangers, with my husband, these types of conversations take place on a regular basis. Some other types the article mentioned were political viewpoints, childhood, past relationships (not talking about numbers, but feelings), family life, and TV/movies.
What kinds of conversations do you have with your spouse on a regular basis? How do you maintain your communication, not just for the routine of your marriage, but for intimacy’s sake as well?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: ”author.” You can purchase her first book, ”Who Are You?“ simply by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.
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