Don’t Call it a Comeback!?

by Harriet Hairston

I’ve truly been here for years…dealing with hardships and bouncing back. Experiencing disappointment and bouncing back. Losing everything and bouncing back. This is nothing new to me. C’est la vie…such is life.

Nevertheless, as you read a couple of weeks ago, I was having a rough time mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It seemed like everything I claimed to be, and all I had identified with was being attacked on every side. And then, although I had been in the muck of depression and desperation for weeks, it stopped. Suddenly.

How is that possible? What made the difference between two weeks ago and today?

First, let me say that the depression I was dealing with was NOT from a chemical imbalance. It was more psychological than physiological, which means that I did not have to take medication to get beyond it. Some people may have a chemical imbalance that can only be alleviate through medication. If that is the case for them, I would definitely not suggest they ignore it or forgo medication just to put on a brave face. My comeback does not have to look like yours…but no one can take away from you the fact that you DID come back!

Additionally, I had to learn how to trust the Source of my well-being. Oh, I gave the fact that I love Jesus Christ GREAT lip service. But talking faith and walking it are two different things. When it came down to it, as Ken S. commented in the aforementioned article, something was OFF in my relationship with Him.

This one is hard for me, but I have to talk about it. I had to stop being so proud and actually call for the help I needed. Let me give this some background. Besides my family, I have rarely been one to share my vulnerabilities with anyone. I do so in my writing, but that’s on my terms, and I feel like things should be talked about.

That said, there was one particular woman that I looked up to and had a lot of respect for. I reached out to her numerous times to receive wisdom and guidance. I observed her life and felt like she had already been where I was trying to go, so I attempted to get under her wings. I wasn’t pushy with it, but I wanted to receive from her the wisdom she reflected. Unfortunately, I was met with rejection and humiliation. She publicly berated me and took all the vulnerable things I told her and displayed them for public consumption among women that did not have my best interests at heart.

Needless to say, that hurt deeply. Fast forward a few months, and along comes another woman, full of faith, wisdom and that been-there-done-that humility. She reached out to me and attempted to share with me her wisdom. She made it clear that if I needed to talk, no matter what time it was, I was to call her. Well…I didn’t because I said I would never again deal with the kind of rejection and humiliation I suffered at the hands of another woman. The only time I call is when my husband suggests I do so. But I’m putting an end to that foolishness now.

Here’s the bottom line of what I had to focus on when coming out of emotionally and mental depression: to never allow my future to be determined by what went on in my past or what’s going on in my present.

Like the older folks say, I think I’ll run on and see what the end will be.

God bless!

~ Harriet

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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