Slim Thug Doesn’t Speak For Me
by Delano Squires
By now you might have heard about Slim Thug’s controversial comments regarding black women and the reasons they supposedly have problems finding quality black men. To make a long story short, it included some of the tired, recycled arguments about the sources of black womens’ relationship struggles: unrealistic standards, excessive materialism, etc. Apparently this is what keeps black women from finding good men–men like Slim Thug, I assume. To be fair, the rapper-turned-relationship expert did talk about the need for relationships to be 50-50 arrangements, but he failed to mention any of the things men should do to help make that a reality. Putting his misguided, ill-reasoned, and racially stereotypical rant aside, the rapper brought up some issues that deserve further discussion, if only for the simple reason that they reveal attitudes that hinder people from successfully building productive, mutually beneficial relationships.
Slim Thug prefaces his comments about black women with the revelation that successful black men are nearly extinct and that black women need to work hard for the few successful men that remain. The rapper proceeds to talk about his brother, whose white girlfriend “does what he says” and doesn’t “give him any problems”. Nowhere did Slim Thug discuss what he brings to his own relationship or how he shows support for his girlfriend. He did mention that she is Ivy League-educated, but that was an afterthought and of secondary importance to her obedience and culinary skills. Men who desire women that quietly obey their commands have a deep sense of insecurity, and women who subject themselves to these types of relationships have a distorted perspective of their self-worth. Furthermore, that type of attitude demonstrates that both parties are missing one of the most important aspects of any meaningful relationship: the privilege of encouraging your partner to grow and become a better person. Relationships are one of the most effective vehicles for growth because our partners act as a mirror, often showing us areas where we need to mature. It is easy to think you are perfect if the only voice you listen to is your own. Being with someone who fails to hold us accountable for our actions and words, or challenge us to chase our goals and dreams, deprives us of one of the most personally rewarding benefits of a committed relationship. Relationships are about teamwork, and successful teams are composed of players who play to their full potential and motivate one another to do the same.
No man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who emasculates him and tears him down, but it is not a woman’s place to make a man feel like a man. No woman should have to feel the pressure of having to constantly stroke her partner’s ego in order for him to realize what he should already be. In the book How to Love A Black Woman, Dr. Ronn Elmore states that men should get used to applauding and affirming themselves and that our partner’s applause should be a fringe benefit, not the fuel that is needed to live our lives. This doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with desiring verbal affirmation and praise from your partner, but it does mean that it is unrealistic to think that you will be praised for every single positive action you take. A man should have a clear perspective on his identity and purpose before considering a serious relationship because relationships are one of the few places where the normal rules of mathematics do not apply. In relationships, two halves do not equal one whole. Two wholes, in the form of two people with healthy self-concepts and identities, are necessary for a relationship to be healthy and whole. I have the feeling that a lot of black women would gladly support men who demonstrate they would be supportive and appreciative of them, but any man looking for someone who merely obeys orders and celebrates his every move doesn’t need a woman –-he needs a dog .
BMWK, what do you think of Slim Thug’s comments? Have you ever encountered someone with a similar mindset? Can this type of thinking be changed?
Delano Squires is currently a graduate student in Race, Ethnicity, and Public Policy at the George Washington University. His focus is contemporary African American culture, urban education, and child development. Follow him on Twitter @Mr_Squires.
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Comments (43)
Slim Thug wants a subservient obedient woman who “does what he says” and “won’t give any problems”. How unrealistic is that? This sounds like the attitude of a spoiled one sided individual with an entitlement complex. There’s no way you’ll find a quality mate of any ethnic group with that mindset because anyone who feels they are inferior to you probably has issues with low self-worth and self-esteem. And no real man would take advantage of that; your need for reassurance and masculine approval shouldn’t be forcibly taken from anyone but should be conjured from within.