Unruly! How Do You Tame a Wild Child?
by Aja Dorsey Jackson
I always swore I would never be that mother. You know, the one with the child throwing a tantrum at the supermarket checkout. When my daughter was small I would inwardly shake my head at parents like that and pat myself on the back for raising such a well behaved child. If you had asked me if I believed in spanking I probably would have shrugged. I didn’t need to spank my daughter because my discipline skills were just that nice.
Then my son came along and that confident, no-nonsense mother got left on the delivery table. Now I am the one trying to run through Walmart before my son has the inevitable breakdown that he always has because he hates being in the shopping cart. My son is 20 months old and whenever I pick him up from daycare or a babysitter, I always get hit with the “He’s so active” or “He is really something else” that I know is just code for “your child is bad.”
He is that right combination of very bright, active, and determined that makes me lose my mind at least once a day, usually by 10 am. He knows how to get out of his crib, his playpen, his diaper, and his carseat, so I have a hard time confining him to a space which again leads to a lot of extra stress for me. He does not care at all about a spanking and he’s too young for me just to punch him in his chest.
My husband and I argue about this on occasion. He doesn’t understand why he comes home to me pulling my hair out and says “he’s just a boy”. Yet he doesn’t have the job of handling the boy from 7am to 7pm with no break (did I mention that he doesn’t take a nap?) I am willing to admit that there have been many days that I’ve called my mother bewildered and at my wits end, wondering what it is that I’m doing wrong.
My mother says that he acts a lot like my little brother did at his age. And while my brother spent the better part of his childhood as a wild child, he has become a wonderful grown man, which gives me some hope for the future. Her suggestion is that I take him outside and just let him run until he completely tires himself out which I have been doing whenever I’m not working. I will say that fitting in as much activity as possible has been making a difference.
While I used to pride myself on knowing exactly what I was doing, I am learning that being a good parent doesn’t necessarily mean having all the right answers all of the time. Admitting that sometimes this mothering thing gets rough and that I might have to reach out for help is not same as accepting failure. We aren’t just born good parents any more than we are born good husbands or wives. We become good parents as we gain experience through raising our kids and I strive to be a better mother every day.
And remember, the next time you see a mother struggling with her child at the checkout, be a little nicer. She just might be me.
I know I’m not the only one who has dealt with a wild child! How have you dealt with unruly behavior?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
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Comments (32)
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
@TP2, I always say God knew what he was doing giving me my daughter first. I love that little boy but if I had him first I don't know when/if I would have gotten around to having another.
I was hoping it was just a little boy thing. Someone give me some hope! LOL
It's not just a boy thing. Little girls are "something else" too. Lol.
We now have a nearly 25 mth old son who acts sooo much like her, but in a more calm manner. Our daughter would tear up something just to tear it up while our son tries to put movies in our Wii(5 discs were in there and it damaged the spinning mechanism costing us $80 to repair!!!). For timeouts we put the baby in his stroller that has the 5 point harness so he can't get out and lay the seat back so he can't bang his head, another thing he does when he doesn't get his way. We smack his hands when he is touching something that we have repeatedly told him not(we know he knows better because of the way he is "looking out" as he does it).
I believe punishment is cyclical, what worked yesterday surely won't work today but you can bring it back next week. For the moment, I put MYSELF in timeout. (This seems to work at home) When they start acting out of hand and I feel myself getting over heated I stomp my feet and say, "that's it - Mommy in timeout". I walk over to the corner. This gives me time to calm down and get a handle on things and the kids find it funny enough to either sit in timeout WITH me or stop whatever they were doing in the first place. Problem solved at least for the next 20 mins.
Funny thing is that I would love to have more children, just trying to think how do I spring the news to my husband.
My child is almost 17 and I went through a time when I cried every night because I felt unworthy of my child. You see, he didn't go into the terrible twos until he was three and a half and then he stayed there until he was almost six. And since he is brilliant, he was arguing circles around me (using logic and evidence, no less) at the age of four. So there were times that I used intimidation and the fear of Mommy. I seldom spanked (very seldom), but I would either pick him up real quick (snatch him up), put my nose right on his and talk through clenched teeth. If he took his seat belt off, I stopped the car. If he decided to have a tantrum in the store (usually because he was hungry or tired-and whose fault was that?) I took him out. He ate a vegetarian diet and seldom had sweets or candy. He never ate fast food at all until he was about seven. The food piece was easy for me because I am vegetarian and had been for years before he was born. But the activity piece? He's a boy. I tried to make certain that he got enough exercise and activity during the day. It makes a difference. He leaped off of furniture and jumped on me when I walked by. He's a boy. He ran everywhere. He's a boy. That's normal. So is pushing limits. Set those limits and enforce before you get angry. When you say, "The consequence for drawing on the wall is washing the wall, then when he draws on the wall give him a sponge and sit by him until he cleans it. and do the first time and every time. He will get the point that you mean what you say and will eventually stop trying you. It also helps to limit stimulation. Make certain your kids eat a healthy diet (and nothing that comes frozen so that you can microwave it is healthy.), get enough rest and stay away from the set. It won't hurt them. My son
has never had a video game . He does not have his own television. We don't even have cable, and don't really miss it. He went through that time period when I cried every night because I was fussing at him all of the time, but when it was over it was over. He is not perfect, but he is well behaved, responsible, earns his own money by tutoring, and is an A student at a very challenging school.
But when he was little he was a wild child. A very wild child for about three years.
Great article, Aja! Hang in there, sis! You're the perfect mother for your son (as are the rest of the parents who have commented).
As a non-medicating ADHD parent, I have found that certain foods and drinks removed from the diet will have a huge impact on my child's behaviors.
What's funny is that I was NOTHING like that as a child. My mom said I could entertain myself and I knew how to sit down when I was told to. There are days when I look forward to her going to sleep like I do an upcoming vacation. She just tires everyone out. I get reports from daycare about how she didn't take a nap or spent half the afternoon in time out. Really? Not what I want to hear at the end of a long day (I leave for work at 5:30am). We even had to find a new daycare about two months ago because that teacher just ran out of patience and wanted my child removed from her classroom. I just switched preschools altogether.