Would You Like It If He Put a Bracelet On It? (Being Married With No Ring)

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on July 6th, 2010 | 19 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

My girl Charreah pointed me to this blog post on Real Simple. A young writer, recently engaged, showed off her beautiful new piece of jewelry. But instead of a shiny new diamond ring, it was a simple – yet elegant – bracelet that her fiance had designed for her. She says:

“Throughout our relationship I told him that I didn’t need a diamond ring or any ring at that (note: but of course we would still get married). I have always been more interested in buying a home, so any money he wanted to put towards a ring I suggested we should save it for our future home.”

I don’t know this woman, but something tells me that they are going to be very happy together. Many women will say that they don’t care about the ring, but it is still a symbol of love and if you really love someone, you want that symbol to be as beautiful as your union. I’m not materialistic in the least, and while I would have been happy with a bracelet (or a really beautiful necklace), I’m proud of my ring and I love what it represents.

What about you, ladies? Would you be happy to show off your bracelet or would you prefer a smaller, simpler ring to stick with “tradition”?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://twitter.com/ajajackson Aja Dorsey Jackson

Although I think that it is wonderful that the ring didn't matter to her, I don't think I would want a bracelet instead of a ring. I would rather have the ring if only because that is the marriage symbol in my mind. If someone wants to know if you're married or not, they usually look at your hand first- or at least I know I do. So I would probably prefer the traditional symbol. However, if a woman doesn't care about that traditional symbol I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. Whatever means the most to you is what matters.
Mom of 3

I would probably prefer a smaller ring, but to each his own. I agree, that couple will probably be very happy. Seems that the lady has her head on straight and is looking at the bigger picture. It is really easy for women to get so caught up in picking out a ring and planning for a huge wedding that neglect the actual “marriage.” A few years ago, one of my friends got engaged, but did not get a ring until she actually got married. I explained to her that the ring was just an outside symbol of she and her fiance's commitment to each other. If they were happy, who was anyone else to judge.
busybodyk

I don't wear much jewelry but I love my rings so I would prefer a smaller ring or just a plain band over another type of jewelry. I'm a traditional girl.

Lots of people get married without rings. With or without, marriage is not about them. Marriage is about keeping the vows and living them every day.
Ashlie 'Neo2Rize'

Thank you so much for posting this!! I'm currently in a similar situation. My fiance` asked me to marry him without a ring. I agreed. We refer to each other as an engaged couple despite the traditional symbal. I do catch people peeking at my finger whenever I do tell them I have a fiance` which bothered me at first, but not so much anymore because we have a goal we are working towards. I've always envisioned myself to have a lengthy engagement, which I see it being one anyways since he is pertinent about being on his feet spiritually & financially before I walk down the aisle towards him & the altar. This is something I deeply respect. We are working on the same goals together and are in unison with each other spiritually. That means more to me than anything especially materialistically. My parents don't acknowledge our engagement minus the ring but our Union is strong enough to endure judgements and opinions.

Guest

Good for you. His word should be worth much more than any ring. Stand on the promise of his word not a ring

http://twitter.com/MrsDayCOM Erica Day

I don't have an engagement ring..and I'm quite happy. My husband isn't though..and insists he buy one as soon as we can afford it.
staycee2

I'm a traditional girl and would prefer a ring. With that being said, to each it's own! Now as far as the anniversary gifts, I would prefer what I want and not the traditional.
http://happynappybride.wordpress.com/ Happy Nappy Bride

Did you see Sex And The City 2? Mr. Big planted a (very non-traditional) ring on Carrie's finger after she lost her mind and smooched Aiden. Now of course I know that it's just a movie, but I know I love looking at my ring and thinking about what it represents…sometimes you (and others!) need a reminder.
Dobie76

A bracelet would have been fine, but I'm a bit more traditional and prefer a ring, though I don't need it to be a diamond. My engagement ring is a very simple emerald ring, my birthstone, instead of a diamond, and cost less than $200 on sale from the jewelry section at a local department store. I know because I picked it out and he got it on the spot. I never cared about the money or the flash. We started dating when we were in college and he was so broke most times that when we hung out all he could get for me was a soft taco from the Taco Bell at the student center. He didn't have enough for a drink so I usually contributed a dollar or two (I didn't have that much money myself). It worked out just fine because we've been together 14 years and married for almost 9 come September.
Ayanakemba

Why do people assume that just becasue the woman in the article was ok with not having a ring, that their union will last any longer than any other one will? I don't assume that at all. As much as I love my husband, a bracelet is not good enough, and neither is a cheap ring. I am the woman you are pledging your forever with and that symbol of our love should not be one that will tarnish, crack or fade. Nor should it be one that is on the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. The man I love and who loves me should spend money on me. This is the only ring I will have in this lifetime and something I have to look down at everyday, so therefore it is something that i should like and be proud of. Alot of women are claiming that they don't want/need a ring, but the truth of the matter is they really do, but some are just willing to accept whatever from a man, just so they can say they have one. Stop settling, stop allowing men to be cheap and stop allowing them to have all these excuses for why they are always in a position where they can't afford to get you something nice, especially an engagement ring!

Tara Pringle Jefferson

@Ayanakemba – Does it make a difference to you, like the writer in the post said, that he is putting the money that he would have spent on a ring, on a down payment for a brownstone? For me, that would be enough. We're building a life together. Starting with our first home.

My ring wasn't cheap, and my then-boyfriend was a grad student working off his stipend so it took a few months to pay it off. Am I glad I have a nice ring? Yes, but if he had bought me a cheaper one and instead we got into our home that must faster, it would have been worth it too.

Plus, haven't you heard of upgrading later on down the line? LOL. Blog post for next week!

Busybee

What about you, ladies? Would you be happy to show off your bracelet or would you prefer a smaller, simpler ring to stick with “tradition”?

I would prefer a smaller ring or even a Wal-Mart/Target/K-mart ring to a bracelet.

Respectfully, I believe the issue isn’t really about the ring but about financial expectations, and culture. I believe the ideal would be to have a beautiful expensive ring, on top of the wedding, and starter home. I can imagine that a fiscally disciplined upper middle class family can accomplish this but this may be impossible for a lower middle class or working class family to accomplish this. I believe the heart of the matter is do men who aren’t middle to upper middle class have the right to marry? In my mind it all hinges on the woman and her family. I have NEVER understood this about our people but there are many other races of women who marry working class or lower middle class men. The majority of the time within 10 years of the marriage they have moved into the middle class if they managed their career, finances, and networks properly. I’ll use my own situation. I married my husband when he was working as a cook for $15 an hour and attending a technical college full time. My husband bought my ring a J.C. Penny’s. It’s simple and makes the point. Four years after marriage he went from $15 an hour to $80,000 year. We own our own home. I’d rather have a $1,000 ring than an $50k-$100k ring. In some regions it’s half of your mortgage for the entire life of your loan! And yes, I received put downs (from black women actually) because to them I was settling. Yes, I suppose I was… I settled into the middle class, settled into a home, and now am married… Sometimes settling ain’t so bad…

http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-E…
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Lori Gottlieb
Tia

I think its great that they are focusing on their futures and not just on the “day”. Most people that expect an expensive, flashy ring, want one because they are concerned of what others think. My husband bought a nice ring, not incredibly expensive, but what he could afford. I'd rather have that and be able to afford the home we're in, than to get something beyond our means just to show off.
Katrina

my husband gave me earrings first then asked me to marry him several hours later with a beautiful ring. I don't wear the ring at all but Love My Earrings. I don't wear my wedding band either but again I LOVE my earrings. We been together for 12 years. That person who wrote the original post had it all figured out. More things are more important than a ring. Planning the future is most important.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BMVSEX5PDLUFTTQ4I5HU7EQBFA Cat

I’m engaged without a ring.(I would rather have a ring that a bracelet)

I’m more focused on us being able to find a place to live than me having a big rock on my finger. He’s in the Navy wants to marry me and have me and my son move to where he is station. I rather have that as of now. Begin together means more to me than having a extensive ring.
Tiffnkari4eva

Marriage is not & has never been about the ring it is a sacred bond between man & woman created by God! That being said I am a newlywed (17 months) when my husband 1st proposed he didn’t have a ring what he did have was the most heart felt & beautiful proposal. That meant more to me than any ring.. I was elated that the man I loved wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! About 6 months into our engagement he proposed again @ a local bar & grill im front of a crowd of ppl this time it inculded a beautiful ring! I look at our engagement beginning with his 1st proposal no ring was needed to know I wanted to be his wife not to mention thw wedding planning started the very next day. All in all I didn’t need a ring to solidify our union that was just a bounu!
Maxine Stevenson

I feel that it’s really a personal matter,because I’ve been married 31yrs. I got a ring because I was told that it was the proper thing to do.Well 31yrs. later it’s still in its original box,lol and I still love my husband even more now.Couples just need to do what ever makes them complete.:)
just me

I am also engaged but do not have a ring. My fiance and I have a two year old son together and I asked that he provide stability for us. Instead of purchasing a ring he put a down payment on a house. We are both 25 and I relocated across the country for our relationship to work. I don’t need the ring to show that I am committed, I will wait until I am a wife and I will only wear my wedding band. But that’s just me…
Reya

I’ve always said I’d rather have a fantastic house with a beautiful kitchen and my own room in the basement for relaxing than having a big ring or a big wedding.