“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on July 12th, 2010 | 4 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

It all started with ants.

It’s summertime and the days are busy. So even though we have a dishwasher, sometimes we go to bed with dishes still in the sink. It happens.

So a week ago, I get up in the morning and find ants in the sink. Ugh. I put an ant trap in the cabinet under the sink, stuck the dishes in the dishwasher and rinsed out the sink and surrounding countertops and went about my day.

Came home from work, made dinner and fixed everyone’s plates, put up the leftovers and put all the dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher in the sink to wash in the morning.

Wouldn’t you know – I wake up and AGAIN there are ants. I’m getting frustrated. Why am I the only one who loads the dishwasher? Shoot, if I really stopped to think about it – why am I the butt-wiper, the Jell-O fetcher, the check-the-labels-to-make-sure-there’s-no-ingredients-in-it-that-the-kids-are-allergic-to checker and all those other duties that fall to me?

I’m not complaining – truthfully, I love being a mom and doing all those “Mom” things. But it is beyond frustrating for my kids to walk past their father (who is sitting on the couch watching ESPN) and ask me, “Mommy, can I have some juice?” when I’m juggling 18 other things.

It’s not my husband’s fault. I’ve created this “problem.” I wanted to be the perfect wife and mother and anytime anyone asked me for anything, I was on my feet before they even finished talking. My husband, on the other hand, took all requests in stride and got around to it when it fit his schedule.

Therefore, the kids quickly learned Mommy = I get it now and Daddy = I gotta wait a minute. They’re smart kids so they come to me with all requests. If I shoo them away to ask their father, they cry and whine. Oh boy. What did I do?

I’m trying to “untrain” them, but my results so far are eh. I’m hoping that they are young enough to latch onto this whole “Daddy can get me juice, too” idea before I officially lose my mind.

Any other parents out there dealing with one parent being the preferred parent? How do you “fix it” – or do you just deal with it?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Sxestar0024

Girl, I know how you feel. In our culture, it is expected that the mommy/wife does everything. We are much better at multi-tasking so we take on so many responsibilities. I know when I ask my husband to help, he quickly gets overwhelmed, which causes me to take over once again. Just take a mommy day and you will be ok. Remember as you kids get older, you can begin to work them to death, lol!
TheMrs

This sounds like me last night!!! I vary rarely go out without atleast 1 of our 5 kids with me so I took a me day and went out after breakfast close to lunch time and came home in time for the kids to take baths and go to bed. I come home to find the dishwasher was not emptied and reloaded with lunch and dinner dishes, 1 of the 2 sinks piled with dishes, a dirty(and I mean poo dirty) diaper on the floor from the dog stealing it from the trash and the kids all asking me what's for dinner at nearly 9p!!! After carefully worded questioning I find out that the kids did eat pizza for dinner, no one told them to do the dishwasher(although I tell them if the “clean” light is on then it's time to do it), and the dog had repeatedly gone in the trash so they were waiting until he was crated for the night to “really” clean it up.
I love my husband and kids to death and I overall think they are all great people(and this isn't because I am biased) but it would be nice to know that I can step away without having to run the house for just a few. My husband tries but it definitely isn't the same as me being here…what are they going to do when I do go back to work?!?!?!
Tenille the Great!

Yes!! I am so glad someone else feels the exact same way. I just tell my daughter to ask her dad or I tell him to get whatever if I am tied up at that moment. If I'm about to go nuts, I just turn everything over to him. I refuse to be the only one doing EVERYTHING around the house. I just told him “Look if you want dinner cooked then you have to keep her out of the kitchen or you can go pick something up”. This works because my man is frugal and hates to leave the house to get food. I love my family but sometimes I get frustrated by it all. I have ONE child but it feels like two at times. Sometimes I have the TV babysit (SMH but it's true) while I study, cook, clean, etc. I send her upstairs with a ziploc bag full of goldfish, a leak-proof cup of a clear liquid and tell her to sit down. The funny thing is she has found a way around it- she will come ALL the way down stairs just to use the restroom.

I also have set it up to where certain things he has to handle. My daughter has 4 hermit crabs in her restroom and that is their thing that they do together. If he leaves to run an errand while I am cooking or cleaning, he knows to take her with him so I can decompress. He probably thinks I'm nuts but as a mom you just need a minute of peace in order to continue being efficient.
SoDai

I, too, need help. I am the only one working in my house and I STILL have to do these things. It frustrates me, too. When I wanted to take a ME day, my husband told me. .”when I opened my legs to have kids, I lost that chance to have a ME day”. Who is this man?? I love him dearly but how dare he say that to me. The next day, I politely walked out the door without telling anyone where I was going and had a ME day.

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

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