Comments on: Marrying Later: Finding Ourselves or Finding Trouble? http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble Promoting Positive Images of Marriage and Parenting Since 2007 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:17:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: CieCie http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28382 CieCie Tue, 03 Aug 2010 19:15:59 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28382 lol....child please....I will take the mentally unstable for $200 Alex! lol See Divine and Debt Free, now you got me rolling at the workplace! lol<br><br>In all honesty and seriousness I will say that she was lead to believe things that weren't necessarily true and other things that were NOT divulged that should have been. When I think of this situation, who is to blame? The person who went in trusting and not running background checks or the culprit who falsified and omitted information in his application?? <br><br>I do agree with you completely when you say "People forget we are always evolving no matter what age". I'm currently watching several of my married friends who married young and so in love but over time one has felt they have "outgrown" the other. A few are on the brink of divorce and some are holding true to their vows no matter the challenges they face. I am in total agreeance with your statement "you can't keep divorcing just because we grow older and life shapes us for the good or bad". lol….child please….I will take the mentally unstable for $200 Alex! lol See Divine and Debt Free, now you got me rolling at the workplace! lol

In all honesty and seriousness I will say that she was lead to believe things that weren't necessarily true and other things that were NOT divulged that should have been. When I think of this situation, who is to blame? The person who went in trusting and not running background checks or the culprit who falsified and omitted information in his application??

I do agree with you completely when you say “People forget we are always evolving no matter what age”. I'm currently watching several of my married friends who married young and so in love but over time one has felt they have “outgrown” the other. A few are on the brink of divorce and some are holding true to their vows no matter the challenges they face. I am in total agreeance with your statement “you can't keep divorcing just because we grow older and life shapes us for the good or bad”.

]]> By: Divine and Debt Free http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28336 Divine and Debt Free Sat, 31 Jul 2010 18:46:19 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28336 lol CieCie I thought there were only two reasons you could file for annulment 1. no consummation of marriage and 2 mentally unstable...... does your ex fall into one of those or am I missing something?<br><br>anywhoot I am 27, and I think it would have been nice to marry younger but I also thing Im at a good age. I have learned a lot due to waiting and while I think Im ready I am sure there will still be challenges in a relationship until I die.<br><br>People forget we are always evolving no matter what age. When it comes to marriage you just need to decide together that you are going to deal with the changes together. I am not the same now as I was at 21 and I doubt I will be the same as I am now at 57, can't keep divorcing just because we grow older and life shapes us for the good or bad. For me divorce will not be an option. However I do not want to be married just because my clock is ticking, I will wait until I am 100 if I have to in order to meet the man who shares my same values. Otherwise its not worth it. <br><br>great article! lol CieCie I thought there were only two reasons you could file for annulment 1. no consummation of marriage and 2 mentally unstable…… does your ex fall into one of those or am I missing something?

anywhoot I am 27, and I think it would have been nice to marry younger but I also thing Im at a good age. I have learned a lot due to waiting and while I think Im ready I am sure there will still be challenges in a relationship until I die.

People forget we are always evolving no matter what age. When it comes to marriage you just need to decide together that you are going to deal with the changes together. I am not the same now as I was at 21 and I doubt I will be the same as I am now at 57, can't keep divorcing just because we grow older and life shapes us for the good or bad. For me divorce will not be an option. However I do not want to be married just because my clock is ticking, I will wait until I am 100 if I have to in order to meet the man who shares my same values. Otherwise its not worth it.

great article!

]]> By: CieCie http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28328 CieCie Sat, 31 Jul 2010 02:18:07 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28328 At 37 I still have not married. Not that I didn't want to, it just never came to pass due to my selection of men. I can honestly say I'm afraid of getting set in my ways. I do try to stay aware of this and am constantly working against it. It's definitely an internal battle. <br><br>My daughters father married for the first time this year (he's 36) and 2 weeks later, looking for an annulment. I believe it may have been due to the idea of marriage instead of the reality of the work involved. Not to mention the years of being a huge player that affected his attitude. Of course he claimed she changed. My response was a person cannot change within 2 weeks. Those factors were already there but maybe never examined due to the "I wanna be married" fever. <br><br>I think that there are pros and cons of marrying later. One pro being you get to know yourself (or at least you should if you MATURE with time) One con is you start to get set in your ways and sometimes are less willing to accept or compromise on many issues. At 37 I still have not married. Not that I didn't want to, it just never came to pass due to my selection of men. I can honestly say I'm afraid of getting set in my ways. I do try to stay aware of this and am constantly working against it. It's definitely an internal battle.

My daughters father married for the first time this year (he's 36) and 2 weeks later, looking for an annulment. I believe it may have been due to the idea of marriage instead of the reality of the work involved. Not to mention the years of being a huge player that affected his attitude. Of course he claimed she changed. My response was a person cannot change within 2 weeks. Those factors were already there but maybe never examined due to the “I wanna be married” fever.

I think that there are pros and cons of marrying later. One pro being you get to know yourself (or at least you should if you MATURE with time) One con is you start to get set in your ways and sometimes are less willing to accept or compromise on many issues.

]]> By: Shelly http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28306 Shelly Fri, 30 Jul 2010 03:10:59 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28306 I agree that marrying does not depend on the age of the person. I believe it depends on the maturity level of the people who are entering into a covenant. Yes, I believe that marriage is a ministry and anything worth having is worth working for and with anything you are going to have to work at it. IMO it is easy to leave a marriage and hard to work at it. I do think people need to make sure that they are ready and not just doing it for the sake of saying that they are married. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and are still married and have gone through good,bad ugly and indifferent and there were many times that I wanted to walk away but thought long and hard about it and decided that I choose to do it so I was in it for the long haul unless he had lost his mind and started to beat me or my children then that may have changed my mind but we are still holding on. I agree that marrying does not depend on the age of the person. I believe it depends on the maturity level of the people who are entering into a covenant. Yes, I believe that marriage is a ministry and anything worth having is worth working for and with anything you are going to have to work at it. IMO it is easy to leave a marriage and hard to work at it. I do think people need to make sure that they are ready and not just doing it for the sake of saying that they are married. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and are still married and have gone through good,bad ugly and indifferent and there were many times that I wanted to walk away but thought long and hard about it and decided that I choose to do it so I was in it for the long haul unless he had lost his mind and started to beat me or my children then that may have changed my mind but we are still holding on.

]]> By: Duclairj http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28291 Duclairj Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:46:48 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28291 That's a tough pill to swallow TMichael. And as much as we may warn and be warned, no one knows just what they're getting into til they're in it. Most people get out saying "this is not what I signed up for" and in reality, its not. The whole thing to the "commitment" in marriage is to be willing to change your idea of what it is you signed up for, what a spouse is supposed to be, and what you are getting (or whether you are even supposed to be getting) out of marriage. In addition, because of a generation that just wasn't raised right, we have the added work of having to figure out if some behavior is part of the package or just plain foolishness we shouldn't put up with. And there is no right answer to that. What's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Experienced married persons will find they do much good in the world by being there for those younger in marriage (not necessarily younger in age). Because the forewarnings just can't be fully appreciated until one is actually in the hot water. That's a tough pill to swallow TMichael. And as much as we may warn and be warned, no one knows just what they're getting into til they're in it. Most people get out saying “this is not what I signed up for” and in reality, its not. The whole thing to the “commitment” in marriage is to be willing to change your idea of what it is you signed up for, what a spouse is supposed to be, and what you are getting (or whether you are even supposed to be getting) out of marriage. In addition, because of a generation that just wasn't raised right, we have the added work of having to figure out if some behavior is part of the package or just plain foolishness we shouldn't put up with. And there is no right answer to that. What's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Experienced married persons will find they do much good in the world by being there for those younger in marriage (not necessarily younger in age). Because the forewarnings just can't be fully appreciated until one is actually in the hot water.

]]> By: Duclairj http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28289 Duclairj Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:34:46 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28289 I admire couples who have been able to get to the 'other side' of the hard times. Being in a very young marriage myself, I'm wondering how its done, and most importantly, how I can do it. I admire couples who have been able to get to the 'other side' of the hard times. Being in a very young marriage myself, I'm wondering how its done, and most importantly, how I can do it.

]]> By: Duclairj http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28288 Duclairj Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:33:47 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28288 True. Most people marrying young (myself included) haven't fully appreciated the cost of marriage (and I don't mean just monetary). From my female experience, the type of settling down and sacrifice that it takes for a man to be the leader and priest of his home, just doesn't come in the early 20's. Sometimes, it never comes. I applaud all the experienced men who can tell a younga brotha to just hold it off; taking on a wife and possible kids just isn't for the unestablished. True. Most people marrying young (myself included) haven't fully appreciated the cost of marriage (and I don't mean just monetary). From my female experience, the type of settling down and sacrifice that it takes for a man to be the leader and priest of his home, just doesn't come in the early 20's. Sometimes, it never comes. I applaud all the experienced men who can tell a younga brotha to just hold it off; taking on a wife and possible kids just isn't for the unestablished.

]]> By: Duclarij http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28290 Duclarij Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:25:43 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28290 Totally on point. The disparity in results (some marrying younger and succeeding, some marrying older and still failing) tells us its probably not the age, but the mindset each partner is bringing to the marriage. Whatever you save in the lack of baby momma drama, you gain in appetite and selfishness yet untempered by life. And the same vice versa. There's going to be a unique set of problems in each case. Totally on point. The disparity in results (some marrying younger and succeeding, some marrying older and still failing) tells us its probably not the age, but the mindset each partner is bringing to the marriage. Whatever you save in the lack of baby momma drama, you gain in appetite and selfishness yet untempered by life. And the same vice versa. There's going to be a unique set of problems in each case.

]]> By: Anna http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28278 Anna Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:52:52 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28278 What you want at 18 is not what you want at 20. What you want at 20 is not what you want at 25. I got married a few weeks before I turned 30, I am 43 now. Still married and knew that I wanted someone to have fun with and grow old with. I can say that considering marriage later in life does have it's rewards, because most have been there and done that. I was/am selfish though because I did not want my mate to have been married before nor have kids. I see too many woman afraid of getting old and will marry for the sake of saying "I have a husband", but find themselves being the new wife when the in-laws really did love the "Starter Wife". LOL. I see too many woman settling for marriage knowing their new husband has kids they don't support, mentally or financially. Some women do really think that if they get married and have a child w/their husband that he won't leave her. Why do women think they can change a man? LOL. If a man leaves more than one woman that he has kids with and marries you, you are only marrying for disappointment and much pain. A Zebra doesn't change his stripes, what you see is what you get. LOL. What you want at 18 is not what you want at 20. What you want at 20 is not what you want at 25. I got married a few weeks before I turned 30, I am 43 now. Still married and knew that I wanted someone to have fun with and grow old with. I can say that considering marriage later in life does have it's rewards, because most have been there and done that. I was/am selfish though because I did not want my mate to have been married before nor have kids. I see too many woman afraid of getting old and will marry for the sake of saying “I have a husband”, but find themselves being the new wife when the in-laws really did love the “Starter Wife”. LOL. I see too many woman settling for marriage knowing their new husband has kids they don't support, mentally or financially. Some women do really think that if they get married and have a child w/their husband that he won't leave her. Why do women think they can change a man? LOL. If a man leaves more than one woman that he has kids with and marries you, you are only marrying for disappointment and much pain. A Zebra doesn't change his stripes, what you see is what you get. LOL.

]]> By: TMichael Martin http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/07/28/marrying-later-finding-ourselves-or-finding-trouble/comment-page-1#comment-28277 TMichael Martin Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:18:30 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=8939#comment-28277 I like this article it was very honest. People really need to understand that marriage will constantly evolve. Marriage is not always peaches and cream. Sometimes it gets hard. You have to be willing to work on the downs and be willing to get back up. People have a clouded idea of what marriage is suppose to be. Marriage can be what ever you are willing to make it. Just know it's going to take work. Anything worth having is worth working for to keep it! I have said this a lot on here MARRIAGE IS NOT A GAME ! I like this article it was very honest. People really need to understand that marriage will constantly evolve. Marriage is not always peaches and cream. Sometimes it gets hard. You have to be willing to work on the downs and be willing to get back up. People have a clouded idea of what marriage is suppose to be. Marriage can be what ever you are willing to make it. Just know it's going to take work. Anything worth having is worth working for to keep it! I have said this a lot on here MARRIAGE IS NOT A GAME !

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