What’s The Difference Between A “Good” And “Great” Marriage?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on July 29th, 2010 | 7 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

Last week, in my “Marriage Counseling…for One?” article, I said that I had a good marriage, a strong marriage, but I still wanted to improve it. I still wanted us to take some steps to improve areas that I thought were lacking.

A few commenters gave me something to chew on.

A comment from The A read:

Have you considered if Great is the Enemy of Good Enough?

If you are at 80% in a strong marriage, what does 83% or 86% or 97% look like?

Now, I’m a natural, lifelong student, so to me, there is a WORLD of diference between 80% and 86%, for example. The difference between a B and a C. A B being a good marriage, but a C being average.

But I don’t want to get into assigning a number to my marriage. Rather, my point was about striving for something better, even if what you have is pretty good.

I am the type of person who always wants what is BEST, not second-best, not “good enough,” not average. But what is BEST. It is probably my most defining characteristic. My husband knows this about me – shoot, he even put it in his vows!

I want the BEST marriage that my husband and I can possibly have. And I still do.

But I do understand what The A and others were saying about enjoying where we are right now, and having fun getting to that next level. Their comments opened my eyes to the fact that, however cliche it is, marriage is a journey. I’m always focused on the destination, but I need to take some deep breaths and check out the scenery while we’re getting there. It’s a process, to be sure, but I’m looking forward to it with all my heart.

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://twitter.com/ClarkKent23 ClarkKent23

It is an arduous process one that I have yet to experience but would hope is full of the up's and down's similar to a great work of literature. Really thoughtful post and I can't wait to read more for some updates.
http://twitter.com/reefinyateef reefinyateef

I love this post, especially about appreciating the journey. Sometimes we get so down about not being to an end goal that we forget to celebrate the little steps involved in the journey

Mom4life625

I total agree, I met my soulmate when I was 12 yrs old. But I had not clue that more then a decade later he would be the person that I couldn't see myself without!! Our small steps are turning into a memorable journey… and never knew LOVE could be so great, and i wouldn't change him or it for anything!! Can't wait to marry him next year…

http://www.happyhomebakery.com mochazina

glad to hear you're embracing the journey!
Da Minister

There is an epidemic going in the United States…which is the intuition of marriage to homosexuals! These homosexuals are marching and fighting in court going up against laws that has been established back in the days before the flood (Noah…lol). But there are greater epidemics than that which is hidden which is the LACK of desire of heterosexuals' marriages and the intuition of Divorce in heterosexuals' marriages. I say all that to say this is GREAT MARRIAGES exist when two heterosexual people DESIRE to be with each other. Today's times heterosexuals' divorces & homosexuals' marriages are coming a dime a dozen. Could we take a moment and think if we in heterosexuals' marriages had to march up to the white house with signs fighting to get married to the person we love and they are there with us? I will never agree with homosexuality but isn't it sad that they fighting for each other like we use to do? Great marriages are made when two people love the other and see past everything to see their future together. The trash doesn't stink that bad, the bills aren't that bad, the car isn't that broke for us to not be together. Divorces are so evident that here in Florida they them advertised in the “free ads” for $69 and only needing 1 signature. For a great marriage make sure “no” signatures are on the that paper….
The_A

Tara,

I am so honored that you found something useful in my comments. I love that you are highlighting the importance of smelling the roses along the journey to the best marriage possible!

All the best to you and your husband developing a shared vision for & path to the best marriage possible.