How Can [Insert Your Name Here] Be a Better Spouse??

by Harriet Hairston

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  More accurately, a lot of self-checking lately.  I think it’s important to always take a good look in the mirror–even if you have to do so on a daily basis–and do a self inventory of what you can do better to love, support and communicate with your spouse.

The main thing I have to continuously remind myself of is to focus on BEING rather than just DOING.  The first is internal, the latter is merely nominal and external.  I can fake the doing, but the being is the attitude of my heart and mind towards the matter.  The doing won’t last always, but the being is a continuous state of growth (or regression, if not careful).

The following questions ring in my mind quite often:

1. What is my spouse’s “love language,” and how can I express my love in a way that encourages him?
2. If I wrote down in one column all the things that get on my nerves about my spouse, then wrote in another column, how I RESPONDED to those nerve wrecking things, would I want to live with the person in the response column?
3. If the answer to #2 is NO, then how can I respond to little annoyances and inconveniences better?
4. What’s my spouse’s wildest sexual desire, and how can I go about fulfilling it?
5. Am I doing enough for myself to maintain my desirability, communication skills and professional abilities?  Is my confidence level too high?  Too low?

Admittedly, I have the most difficulty with numbers 2 and 5 on this list.    We are all works in progress as individuals and spouses.  It’s important for us to ask ourselves that we can BE better instead of DO better.

BMWK family, leave in the comments section the questions that YOU are asking.

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher).  The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds:  ”author.”  You can purchase her first book, ”Who Are You?“  simply by clicking on the link.  You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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