Black Folks Do Have Triplets!

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on July 2nd, 2010 | 71 comments

by Ayanna Black

Are they triplets, wow you have your hands full? This is a question my husband and I are asked every time we venture out with the triplets. Once we respond yes, the questions start rolling… Are they identical? Did you know you were having triplets? I’ve seen twins but never triplets, did you take fertility drugs? While some questions are welcome most aren’t. We are very much aware that a huge triple stroller is going to attract mounds of attention but people seem to forget that every question that comes to mind isn’t appropriate. Although our triplets are natural, someone who needed help conceiving their kids wouldn’t be pleased to have to offer such personal information. If you happen to see someone with more than one or two kids at a time and want to be nosey here are couple tactful ways to ask:

1) Wow, are they triplets? Congratulations!

The couple will be more comfortable answering questions if they feel like you are genuinely happy for them. Asking things like are they stair steps will only get you looked off in most cases.

2) Okay now does mom or dad have the multiples in their family?

This is way better than asking if mom and dad had fertility treatments. This is to personal of a question to ask someone you aren’t close to. This will give the parents the opinion of telling you their business or not. By the time I’m done sharing that I’m one of 10 sets of twins in my family, I’ve collected enough hugs and happy energy to make it for the next 20 days!

3) Caring for triplets has got to be expensive!

I’ll take this statement any day over, “I know you must be getting assistance”. Of course taking care of triplets is expensive but budgeting is key. Our lifestyle and freedom has been put on hold so we can TRY to afford life.

Moral of the story: Think before you speak. Black folks can do anything!

BMWK family, have you been an offender in any of the circumstances above? Has this ever happened to you?

Ayanna Black

Ayanna is married and the mom of busy triplets. She has a degree in Computer Studies and is the proud owner of ABlackWebDesign.com

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (71)

TheMrs Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Congratulations on your triplets!!! I have 5 kids, of which # 2 & 3 are twins and #4 is their stairstep. I have never been asked if we get assistance, because frankly 5 kids and 2 seemingly young parents does raise eyebrows, but I really like your alternate question. Anything more than 1 baby at a time does bring the curiosity out in most and the questions are always interesting to me...I actually had an older woman on the bus ask me if all my kids had the same father? Now that was just plain rude!!! My quick response was "Yes they do, not that it's any of your business!!!" When the oldest 4 were younger the question was usually whether or not they were stair steps(my oldest was nearly 3 when the twins were born and nearly 4 when the last girl was born and she is short for age) while now people are more in awe that I have had that many kids and mistake which 2 kids are the twins(for some reason they can't get that twins can be a boy and a girl). I personally think that there is something in the water on my block...lol, there are 3 sets of fraternal twins all born while living on this block and all of us have no family history of multiples.

Keep up the good work, look forward to the day they turn 16 and all want their own car!!!
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks TheMrs! I agree that people are very curious and are just dying to know the deal when they see all the kids. I've learned inwardly laugh at some of the questions and stay away from that multiple water! lol
  - Tiya Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
    
    Love it!. These are great tips. Speaking for us nosy folks, we are just always curious when we see black people with multiples. These are much better ways to ask and say what we're thinking. :)
    - Ayannacblack Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply
      
      Thanks Tiya!
- Aquea Friday - 09 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  It never hit me until reading this blog that this etiquette is key when congratulating and questioning parents of multiples. The truth is, being sensitive to the parents and thinking before you speak to ask the same questions the parents have toiled with themselves. I feel priviledged to know the THE BLACK FAMILY a BLACK FAMILY that has been chosen to raise 3 beautiful babies from God. I am enjoying watching them grow!
  - Ayannacblack Friday - 09 / 07 / 2010 Reply
    
    Thanks Aquea!
- Anonymous Monday - 21 / 02 / 2011 Reply
  
  Yes, black families have triplets. I was born in 1949 as part of a set of 2 boys and 1 girl. My mother also had a set of twins two years later. At the time we were born, my mother also had a 10 month old daughter. My mother was my hero because she was also a school teacher and thus around kids 24/7. Can you even imagine what she went through with no pampers, baby monitors, or other amenities that are afforded mothers these days. Good luck with your children.
  - Ayanna Monday - 21 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    
    WOW!!!! My hat definitely goes off to your mom! A real hero! Thanks for the warm wishes!
Carmindavid Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I'm guilty of saying "So I guess you're done", my husband would demand a photo op because in his country TWINS & PLUS are like celebrity status
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Oh that's one we here all the time too! My husband says "Oh no! I don't ever drink out the same cup as her anymore".
Tilicia Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Great blog Mrs. B! I am so proud of you. Yes, you are right, some people just don't understand how to be tactful when they are curious, but you have given some great pointers. Kiss the pooh bears for me!
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Tee! I will definitely kiss all the poohs for you.
Rhjohnson Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I think it’s an amazing blessing for a couple to experience multiples of two or three children, congrads to you and your family. Also, this is great advice for people who lack tack and just speak without thinking. One should always pause to consider how their words could be perceived.
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Rhjohnson! Its a touchy subject for some people and tact is important.
Rbidi Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Congratulations! You're girls are beautiful. "If you happen to see someone with more than one or two kids at a time and want to be nosy"... DON'T. I'm all for curiosity, but really it isn't anyone's business how when or why you concieved your kids. On another note, you ended by saying black folks can do anything, but nowhere in the article did I see people being nosy because you were black, just because you had triplets. Its probably the same reaction across the racial scope.
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Hi Rbidi. Thanks for your comment. You are exactly right! Its definitely no one's business about the conception of your children. Lots of people imply that black folks don't have triplets in their line of conversation with us because they've rarely or never seen them. Or if they see triplets its likely not from a black couple. It's a read between the lines questions my husband and I get alot from different races of people we come in contact with.
Aja Dorsey Jackson Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Congrats! I remember a girl my age growing up that had one set of triplets without fertility drugs as a teen and then got pregnant again a few years later as an adult and had another set. I remember thinking that I probably would have absolutely lost my mind. Hats off to the men and women like you raising your multiple blessings!
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Aja!
DP Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Wow! Congratulations on your triplets!!! They are beautiful and I'm in awe because they're identical (at least they appear to be)! My sister has 7 childrent total...2 sets of fraternal twin girls....and yes twins do run on both sides of the parent's family. We consider it a double blessing....twice : )!
Fly Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

As I told you the day we met, and once again, congrats! Ur girls are beautiful! I love the moral of the story! Say it Loud!!!
DaBarber Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

congrats to you lil sis. the story is right on point. and from now on i will try to think lol before i open my big mouth!!!! lol
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks DP! I actually have two boys and a girl. They are fraternal.
  
  Thanks Fly!
  
  Thanks Big Brotha DaBarber! I'm sure you probably got some of these questions too!
Bari Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Intelligent and well-written....good job sis!!!
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Bari!
RaeRae033160 Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

As the only living Grandmother of the triplets that my daughter wrote about I consider it a blessing. Yes they are a hand full, but the joy of seeing how they have progresed from when they were born is a miracle. My daughter was a twin herself and I was always under the impression that twins could not hve twins, but I guess I was proven wrong. I love to see how they each have very different personalities and then how they are similar in alot of ways. I like the commarodery of the babies and how protective and how they communicate with each other. In closing, I think it is a blessing from above that three babies survived prematurely and are doing surprising very well.
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Mom! You are a phenomenal grandmother and I'm proud to call you my mother! Now can the triplets spend the weekend with you and dad? lol
Tamara Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Unfortunately, i think you have Kate plus 8 and nem kinda shows to thank for folks' diarrhea of the mouth. Congrats, your bambinos are adorable!
- Ayannacblack Friday - 02 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  I would have to agree Tamara Kate and Octo-mom!
- TheMrs Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  And this is sad because they went into their pregnancies knowing that they would have all those babies and are reaching out to the public for help while people like this author and myself who naturally conceive multiples and are blind sided by the "extra" blinks on the screen only get questions on how they were conceived.
  - TheMrs Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
    
    Not saying that I am looking for any handouts but I'm just saying....
    - Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
      
      I totally agree TheMrs! When I found out I was having three babies I cried and got it together. We then decided we were just gone have to do what we had to do!
      - TheMrs Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010
        
        Hahaha(have to laugh 3x)!!! My husband and I decided that he would go to the next ultrasound so he could save his vacation days. She ran the wand over my belly and I saw to bubbles but she didn't say anything so I didn't say anything. She completes the entire exam and then asks me if twins run in my family, my reply "none that I know of", her reply "well then you are the first" and then my jaw drops, I actually think it's still down and my twins are 9!!! I was supposed to call my husband when I got to work but I couldn't wait and used the 1st payphone I saw "Babe it's 2 babies" his reply "W-w-w-we'll d-d-d-discuss this when I get h-h-h-home!!!" Priceless and always a great tease when people have questions about the twins.
        We sucked it up and they appear to be happy today. We do what we have to do
      - Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010
        
        I know the feeling. I went to the doctor by myself thinking, " I'm going to see my first child how exciting" when I found out. The doctor was doing the ultrasound and said "oh my God!" I said "what what's wrong" she replies "its three." I said "three what!" She said "three babies" I said "no you must be looking at that baby from three different angles"! She says "no its three babies." So she turned the screen around for me to see and it was three! I was totally stunned! I called my husband and he laughed and said stop playing. I started crying and he then knew I was serious.
cchristion Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I know the info you provided will help. Your babies are blessings. You were triple blessed. God's favor is on your life!
- Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thank you CChristion! BMWK, people CChristion help me to make it through each day by their prayers and sincere love for our family!
signatureladyjeff Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Ha! Ha! Ayannacblack, I get the same questions all the time! I'm a wife and mother of 10 children to the same father and husband to all ten! I just gave birth to twins which made children 9 and 10 for me and my husband! (Ages 13-newborn) still a young woman!:)

People always ask us the exact same questions, some can't believe that were an African American family that's as young as we are! I always look for an opportunity to educate individuals on the fact that all large families don't have to be the typical stereo type!

I love my family and protect the integrity of it with caution to make sure people can see the great things and possibilities that God can do with a family my size! You are highly blessed also! Thanks for sharing!
- Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Congratulations Signatureladyjeff! My hats off to you. I applaud anyone with multiples because its no easy task by a long shot. I love that fact that you are proud of your family! Let's keep educating people.
- TheMrs Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  I knew I wasn't the only one...lol!!! Although my family isn't quite as large as yours, we only have 5, but people are always curious and baffled that all of my children belong to my husband. And like you, we are pretty young (early 30's) and look the part. People can't believe that we are this young, with this number of children, and still pretty much happy.
  Kudos to you!!!
Cicelia92 Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Very well put! Many individuals don't understand the meaning of tactful and appropriate. Whenever I see twins (plus), I generally inquire about the history IF I am in regular association with that person, whereas if it is someone I am passing by, I simply SMILE and say "Congratulations" and may give an extra comment on the CREATIVE BLESSING they've been gifted. Indeed African Americans can Do Anything! Keep Up the Good Work Yanna Love!
- Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Tameka!
Nankama Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Question 1, yeah, I could ask. Question 2 and 3, I'd be a little miffed, as I'd feel I, or if someone were asking me those question, were being sneaky about prying. I am sometimes overly sensitive, sometimes. People would say to me, after my kids would visit their homes, "your three sons are so well behaved." I'd want to spit, when people would make that statement to me. I guess I felt like, "what because they are black you expected them rob you, and leave you tied up in the basement!?!?!!!!!! Sheeesh! I've settled down a little, now that I've seen how some other people's children act towards adults.

I guess for me, how I obtain, and acquire my financial stability for my family really isn't anyone's business; and I'd just feel uncomfortable about getting into someone's lineage. I guess I'm just being silly. I'd be glad to offer how beautiful the children are, and "wow, you must certainly get your daily workout, chasing behind three little ones." But other than that, I wouldn't dare say much more.
- Ayannacblack Saturday - 03 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  I agree. Even if I didn't have triplets I would still think about the questions I'd ask. I had a friend visit this week and commented on how well behaved the triplets are as well. My husband and I have really calm cool demeanors so I think it rubs off on the kids (sometimes) lol
Ms. T Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I'm so loving this post! I dont have kids myself but I love kids and love when I see a black couple with multiples struggling together. Its a very comical yet inspiring moment. I find it refreshing to know that there are some young, African American couples and families out there that don't mind speaking out. There are so many negative stero types about black families that this post gives a young woman like me hope. I wish all the mommies that have commented and their families lots of happiness and love. Can someone let me know where they keep that multiple water so i can stay as far away as possible. LOL!!
- Ayannacblack Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Ms. T! The multiples water is in aisle 10 lol
Miko Lee Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply

WOw, I can't believe people are ignorant enough to say "you must be getting assistance." Wow just had to say that again because that is crazy to me. Anyway, great story, especially for those of us who don't have multiples so we can be sure to not offend those who do, although I would hope I'm not this crazy LOL

@mikofranklin
Ayannacblack Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Thanks Miko! You'd be surprised at the things people say to a parent of multiples.
Babington Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I am a mother to 17 month old twins and a 2 week old baby. With the twins, people would ask if twins ran in my family or were they naturally conceived. REALLY? I always wondered why couldn't they just say congratulations. Now that we have a newborn, people will ask if he was an "oops" baby because he is soo close behind the twins. Again, REALLY? I think some people just don't think before they open their pie hole.
- Ayannacblack Sunday - 04 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Very true Babington! Some statements can be down right disrespectful.
Phyllistuckjones Monday - 05 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I enjoyed reading your article very much. Your babies are beautiful and I am sure they are being raised with much love. I am rarely suprised by the nerve people exhibit in getting into your business. Keep up the good work.
- Ayannacblack Monday - 05 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thank you Mrs. Jones!
Tracy Monday - 05 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Great job!!! I have a total of 4 kids, a set of twins in the middle. I've gotten many of those questions, as well as are you done or are you having any more!!! I use to get offended, but now I tell people that I'm shooting for a total of 10!!! Its a joke, but it calms the situation a little more it seems.
- Ayannacblack Tuesday - 06 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Tracy!
Mom of 3 Tuesday - 06 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Congratulations Ayanna! I have 3 children, and #2 and #3 are twin girls who are 2. I'm divorced and I get extremely tacky questions all the time. The first thing people say to me is "Double Trouble". It might sound innocent to the people saying it, but I don't like it! Older people generally say "Double Blessings" which I much rather prefer. I've also had people ask me why would I have twins since I'm single.....they don't recognize I wasn't single when I had them and I didn't know I was going to have twins!
- Ayannacblack Tuesday - 06 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Mom of 3! I don't know to many people who try to have a headache everyday and limited time to themselves. lol
Yolonda Moore Saturday - 10 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Ayanna, other than you, I've only known one other black family with triplets. I'm so glad I never made any of those offensive comments. The article was a great read! Keep up the good work!
- Ayannacblack Monday - 12 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Yo!
Funches22400 Saturday - 10 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Ayanna, I remember when I first found out you were pregnant with triplets. It was kind of shocking so I asked, "Did you take fertility drugs?" At the time, I wasn't trying to be nosey or insensitive. I was simply curious. I was also under the impression that the state gave gifts (financial or otherwise) to parents who had more than two children at a time. Ignorance is bliss! Your article has taught me to look at it from the parents perspective and definitely be careful about what I say. By the way, you are doing a wonderful job thus far. I expect great things from them:-)
- Ayannacblack Monday - 12 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Thanks Tanya! The state doesn't gift you with much of anything. I will say however, their are educational opportunities but only if your baby is premature. Did you ever get any insensitive questions with the twins?
Harringross Sunday - 11 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Hi I am a newbie. I myself have seven kids. I have been argued down by one person that my kids are not mind, who's children did I still. I have heard comments that your children are so clean and well mannered, because most young people don't do this or that. My children are a lighter complextion than myself, I have gotten asked is there dad white, Wow...African Americans, are born all shades of beauty and bronze. Ignorance is bliss
- Ayannacblack Monday - 12 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Wow, those are new ones. Do you have any multiples?
- TheMrs Monday - 12 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  Some of these are things that I have heard as well. My husband and I are both about the same caramelish complexion but both of our mothers are dark complexioned(dark brown to nearly tar-black), my father is 1/4 white, black, and American Indian(his grandmother was full blooded but I can't remember the tribe) so the rainbow coalition that is our children has brought quite a few questions over the years. Our #1 and #4 are dark like their grandmothers while #2, 3, & 5 are light close to my father's pale complexion so when I was out with 1, 2, & 3 and someone asked me if they all have the same father, a complete stranger, I was appalled and offended. While visiting a library before we had #5 a librarian thought I was a daycare program....uh look past the complexion and you will see that they look almost identical!!! With our last child a young person(late teens early adult) asked me if his father was Asian because of his narrow eyes and long wavy/curly hair and then they saw my husband and laughed(he has very narrow eyes).
  If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all....ignorance is definitely bliss
Funches22400 Monday - 12 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Ayanna, to be honest, the only weird question I got was, "Why don't they look alike?" The person that asked me thought only boy/girl twins could be fraternal. Other than that, nothing ignorant. I am laughing as I type this because I know you had to be thinking, "What the hell?" when I asked you those questions. Prior to you, I never knew anybody personally that had triplets. It was so cool. I was mesmerized. Believe it or not, I would have never guessed that asking somebody about fertility drugs was inappropriate. Seriously! You gone have to keep me lifted up in prayer girl because I was raised by wolves. hahahahahahaha.

As far as me raising the twins, I've gotten more compliments than anything.
- Ayannacblack Tuesday - 13 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  I think alot of people just think they are making cordial conversation not really realizing what they are saying.
Mommyof3 Thursday - 15 / 07 / 2010 Reply

Great read! I'm a black mom of triplets myself and I hear it all as well. I was outside with my kids and the mail lady approached with conversation about the babies. She continuously asked "How did you do it" I just looked at her. You wouldn't ask someone with one or two kids how they did it. Have some class people!
Tenisha Thursday - 29 / 07 / 2010 Reply

I am 30, but have a 3 year old son and 1 year old twin boys (fraternal). Therefore, when people see me with all three, they gawk at first. Then usually get the nerve to ask if the two little ones are twins because they are different complexions. When I reply that they are in fact twins, they usually breath a sigh of relief as if its better than me having three small children so close in age. Then I get the infamous, "OOOHHH u must have your hands full!" In my mind, i say "duh!". But, I politely smile and nod. Some people stop there, but for others, I almost feel obligated to say, "But my husband is a great help." Since, I still look young, I feel like people are looking at me like another statistic, not knowing I have my Master's Degree. I feel obligated to show that I'm a working professional, when frankly it isn't anyone's business.
- TheMrs Thursday - 29 / 07 / 2010 Reply
  
  I can so relate with you on giving out my credentials. I am 32 and still get carded to purchase alcohol, I get stopped by truancy police, and basically anything else you need to be a certain age to purchase. We decided that staying home with our last baby, now 2 yrs, was a good idea and when I am out shopping with him during the day I can feel people staring like I am just another poor statistic. An older woman actually began trying to counsel me when I had my first daughter at 20 and it wasn't until I was talking about what I was currently doing that she realized that I wasn't a very young mother....she told me she thought I was about 13 or 14!!!!
- Ayanna Monday - 02 / 08 / 2010 Reply
  
  Exactly Tenisha! Like the old saying goes when you assume....
Clarke706 Saturday - 04 / 06 / 2011 Reply

I just had triplets naturally i get that question all the time did you use fertility drugs I'm only 21 I'm a nurse an lpn and my husband is in the army
- Ayanna Sunday - 05 / 06 / 2011 Reply
  
  Congratulations!
MWest2k Saturday - 30 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This article really hits home. My wife and I are proud parents of 3 year old triplets. They're a HUGE hand full but I also say they're a HUGE blessing. My wife's side of the family has multiples. People have been generally nice and some do ask personal questions. I have come to the conclusion that God provided us with these children as gifts and we will share them with the world. Great article. Keep them coming.
- Ayanna Saturday - 30 / 07 / 2011 Reply
  
  Wow so true! Triplets are such a blessing! I love hearing about other families of triplets. It lets me know I'm not alone :)