Does Anyone Still Believe In Love? I Still Do
by Kea Taylor
It could have been any one of the nights that I ventured out on the social scene filled with beautiful, well-dressed and polished, chocolate 30-somethings. In Washington, DC — a city wrought with well-educated “power players” and “inside trackers” , it was (and still is) quite common to be asked by a total stranger, “So what do you do?” I had no problem telling people what I do, but I was often amused by the response. A typical conversation might go like this:
Me. “I’m a photographer”
Them. “Really? That’s all you do? Take pictures” (Silence) “What do you take picture of? I mean do you work for a newspaper or something?”
Me. “No, I work for myself…but I shoot mostly people, buildings, events…and lots of weddings.”
Them. (Look of mock horror and shock) “People are still getting married these days?”
Yes. News flash for CNN and the New York Times…Black people still get married ya’ll. Please do not believe the hype.
Recently, a good friend forwarded me a New York Times article titled, “Black Women See Fewer Black Men at the Altar” (June 3, 2010) and after reading the article in its entirety, the statistics reveal that, in fact, all ethnic groups are marrying outside of their race in higher numbers (ironically with Asians being most likely to marry someone from another ethnicity). But I suppose the editors knew what would really get reader response popping (and Black womens’ necks rolling) is the old, “too few Black men for Black women” headline.
Boy it’s tough being a sista these days. 
If I weren’t a photographer who happens to hear from couples nearly every day asking me to photograph their weddings, children or families…Listening to the television, I might be a certifiable nutcase (is that politically correct?). As a professional Black woman with a degree, some standards and a desire for a monogamous relationship (sans swinging) I would gather that I should just curl up in a ball and die. Thank goodness, through my work, I’m able to see Black couple after Black couple and family after family that is healthy, happy and doing their best to make it work. Seeing Black love in its many shapes and forms on the regular has contributed immeasurably to my own sanity and given me a more balanced and hopeful outlook on my own marriage.
So as a gift to my die-hard romantic sistas and brothers out there (and to celebrate my tenth year in business), I decided to put together a book of my most inspiring images from nearly ten years of shooting African-American weddings to show that…yes we are still getting married. And my secret hopes (and prayers), are that it will keep somebody from falling prey to all this negative hype about Black marriage and that will inspire somebody to love.
I have been married just about four years…and though many say my husband and I are still on the honeymoon…I can honestly say, I love being married (and the crowd gasps). Even with our early challenges, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve grown in ways I never thought I would and I cannot wait to see what the years ahead will hold.
And I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Marriage and commitment to family has gotten our people through some of the toughest times this world has ever seen. Now is certainly not the time to give up on it. If anything, we need it more than ever.
BMWK, do you still believe in love and marriage? Check back tomorrow when we’ll be giving away 3 copies of this amazing book!
Kea Taylor is a photographer and the author of the coffee-table book, I Still Do – A Celebration of African-American Weddings (www.istilldoweddings.com). To watch the YouTube preview video of I Still Do, click here.
Comments (14)
Perhaps the issue isn't really that no one believes in loving black relationships anymore, we just don't believe anyone else does. Maybe the solution to this bad press is to stop believing that our relationships are rare. I know happy black couples that are working things out from all generations, backgrounds, and income levels.We celebrate marriage anniversaries each month at church and they have to break the celebration up by weeks because there are too many to list in any given month all at once. That doesn't even include the people like me who are not married but are in a relationship and the couples I know outside of the church. Maybe the meme should not be that we actually exist but that
WE ARE NOT UNIQUE.
Black couples may not be a numerous as we would like, but can we all please agree to stop treating black love like a limited engagement Smithsonian exhibit?
Unfortunately for you, LA is a magnet for the most shallow and fame hungry masses from every corner of the globe so anything that takes substance and vulnerability is going to take a big hit out there. My friends who live out there describe it like existing on a diet of imitation sugar and shiny plastic. Looks great, but the reality is less than satisfying.
All the best to you. I'll look forward to seeing your work & sharing it with friends.
First let me say: you have an AWESOME career! It's nice to see people pursue a vocation they enjoy while at the same time be of service to their community! Kudos to you!
You said: “And I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Marriage and commitment to family has gotten our people through some of the toughest times this world has ever seen. Now is certainly not the time to give up on it. If anything, we need it more than ever.”
My reply:
I 100% co-sign!
YES, I still do believe in love (as defined by my faith not popular culture or entertainment) and marriage (as defined by my faith not popular culture or entertainment. And YES, I still do believe that black men and women are marrying each other. My parents have been married 30 years. My husband and I have been married eight years.
You said:” Recently, a good friend forwarded me a New York Times article titled, “Black Women See Fewer Black Men at the Altar” (June 3, 2010) and after reading the article in its entirety, the statistics reveal that, in fact, all ethnic groups are marrying outside of their race in higher numbers (ironically with Asians being most likely to marry someone from another ethnicity). But I suppose the editors knew what would really get reader response popping (and Black women’s’ necks rolling) is the old, “too few Black men for Black women” headline.”
My reply:
Few things:
1)If you’re interested in looking beyond the statistics that are being used as weapons against us please see: http://www.blackdemographics.com/
2)I must confess that all the media coverage of our population on top of all of the websites and or blogs that are dedicated to the subject at one time had me feeling awful… just awful… especially in the midst of a recession in which many of us have slipped out of the middle class and lost a huge amount of wealth, all of this just nasty on top of everything else happening in our country as a whole.
3)I must be honest and disclose that in the Northern Virginia area I haven’t personally seen many black married couples ( with the exception of Mocha Moms) I honesty do see a great deal of black men who have married or procreated with white women. In fact on my last job, I was told how rare I was because I’m married to a West African American man. I think it’s disturbing and odd at the same time. Why does someone else’s gain become someone else’s loss? I’m personally fed up with the civil war between black women and black men. The media is just cashing in on pain, and others are just so sick themselves that they enjoy seeing us (black men and women included) destroying each other.
Peace
P.S. I forgot to add that I'm glad this website published an essay in which someone brougt the FACT that other races of women are going through a marriage squeez. I tried to bring this is up in a essay about adultery to point out that changing demographics affect everyone and people who have historically been shut of of the mainstream will experience the shifts more harshly than people who haven't been opressed.
Thinkers are great but Doers change the world!
"Love wins!"
~ Marcus n Gloria
Commissioned - Ordinary Just Won't Do.....For A Healthy Marriage©!