Wedding Dress Codes (Should There Be One?)

Lifestyle

by Lamar Tyler | on August 16th, 2010 | 16 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I get giddy whenever we get an wedding invitation in the mail. To me, it means a guaranteed date night, good music, good cake, a celebration of love and a reminder why I love being married.

I also love that it forces me and my husband to pull out all the stops before we head out. We figure, these photos are going to be passed around the room for generations to come, so we have to look our very best, so the bride and groom don’t have to pretend they don’t know us when someone asks, “Who is that raggedy couple in the back?”

But over the past few years, I’ve noticed what is (to me, at least) a disturbing trend: people just not giving a crap what they wear to a wedding, treating it like a “Come as you are” event.

I’ve seen doo-rags, jeans, Timbs, those T-shirts you see at vigils (airbrushed with the deceased photo on it), flip-flops, belly rings, etc. At a WEDDING!

Even at our wedding, I noticed a few of the guests were dressed as if they were stopping in for a backyard BBQ, not to witness my husband and I pledge our lives to each other.

Now, I don’t expect you to go all out and buy a three-piece suit, but come on! I do expect a certain level of elegance for a wedding – no belly rings or jeans allowed!

Have you noticed this at recent weddings you’ve attended? How do you usually dress as a wedding guest?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Cheryl

Tara girl, get outta my head! I was just saying the same thing to my sister yesterday. I went to a wedding on Saturday, and I got all decked out in a nice dress, complete with an Aretha-worthy hat (outdoor wedding, hubby dressed in summer suit- we were stylin! Apparently there was a memo that said wear your old clean-the-house flip flops that I did not receive. People were wearing shorts, capris, t shirts. I was disappointed for the couple, it seemed like people did not take the event seriously. I also noticed that twice as many people were at the reception as the wedding portion. Do people only want to come eat and drink, not celebrate the marriage? I would have been horribly offended if most of my guests couldn't be bothered to come to the wedding but could find the time to come eat up my food…

http://6footbombshell.com 6footBombshell

lol @ “complete with an Aretha-worthy hat”.. girl I fell out laughing.

Honestly, I think this started when people started wearing anything they wanted to the church and it trickled on down. If we think its cool to look like we just rolled otu of bed to go to church every sunday then everything else is fair game. Then we have the email trains of all the weddings where the bride and groom are in tshirts and Airforce One sneakers. Everything has been “dumbed down” across the board. There's a time and a place for EVERYTHING and I don't care what anyone says YOU ARE NOT TO COME TO A WEDDING IN JEANS AND SNEAKERS! PERIOD! ugh!
TheMrs

At my brothers wedding less than a year ago there were people in tshirts, jeans, and timbs….TACKY!!!! As a busy mom, I love the invites and an extra opportunity to get jazzy. We could probably use some etiquette classes on how to dress and act at social functions. I recently attended a funeral(in a funeral home) where there were people in booty shorts, lack of class…
As for guests who only come to the reception, I have seen this quite often and found that if the person is not of that faith(I'm not saying Methodist/Baptist but Christian/Buddhist/Muslim/Jew, etc.) then they only attend the non-religious portion of the festivities.

Cheryl

I did not even consider the faith aspect of not attending the ceremony. Thanks.

Naima_duncan

My best friend said that here husband was going to wear JEANS at my wedding *blank stare* JEANS??!! …..is this black bride….gonna have to choke a b*tch? Total disrespect. You better come dressed to impress and honor the occassion properly! Jeans???!!
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

I saw someone at a wedding with some shorts and chuck taylors on one time and was thinking wow. I was kind of disappointed for the couple's sake LOL.

TheMrs

I know a bridal party that wore chucks!!! It was an outside wedding, everyone was decked out and then you see the shoes…lol. That image made me feel better when I had to throw my son's chucks on with his 3 piece suit for a funeral because he outgrew all of his dress shoes!(now he wasn't 2 yet though)

http://6footbombshell.com 6footBombshell

lol.. I actually think when a wedding party has a non traditional theme DONE WITH SOME TASTE it can be pulled off. For example, I saw a couple that were high school sweethearts turned college sweethearts that were both on the basketball teams all through grade school and college so they and their wedding party wore jordans. She wore them under a BAD AZZ dress too… and all the groomsmen where in tux's with these black jordans on. Surprisingly, it turned out very very nice and the pictures completely told their story and expressed their spirit.

Yaheard

Etiquette is dead. We just received a “Thank You” card from a wedding we attended… 8 months ago. It said “Thank you for the cash”, amoung other things, including my misspelled name, nevermind that we have known the groom for a decade.
Psychstudent71

I have never understood this. It has been a growing trend over the past few years.
MrsRW

It may be sad, but it is a sign of the times. Some people may not know any better. I went to a wedding about 3 years ago, a few months before my own. The main vocalist got up to sing in front of the guests in flip flops and a doo rag on her head!!! I could not believe it. Many of the guests were dressed like the reception was going to be at a nightclub. I assured my now mother-in-law that she would not have to worry about that at our wedding as I had hostesses/ushers that would have politely turned poorly-dressed guests away.

To avoid this, if you are not married yet, you may want to put a dress code hint in the invitation. For example, “Sunday best or Semi-formal attire requested.” That may not solve all the problems, but should at least put a damper on jeans/flip-flops.
Ronnie_BMWK

I have noticed this trend everywhere..especially at church!!! I have seen tight skinny jeans, I have seen belly buttons, short skirts…you name it and people wear it to church now-a-days. What happened to the notion of wearing church clothes.

Kids and many adults come to church looking like they just came from a party or the club. So I am not surprised that weddings are following this same trend.
TCB

I know some people have brought up casual dress at church and I have to say that I am very thankful I can wear a nice top, khakis and sandals when I'm dealing with 3 small (messy) children under 2 in 100+ degree heat!

Now weddings are totally different. It's very rude to show up casual to such a beautiful event. I think the idea of including the dress code in the invite is really good suggestion!

Ronnie_BMWK

with 4 kids… i can agree with you about being casual…but I think people are going over board with their choice of casual clothing

I also agree with that is is rude to show up to a wedding in casual dresss..unless it is specified in the invite.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_B6ZF6EDWX2PRSSJPCVMJKUI4WA Jazzi or Jaz

Tara, thank you for writing this!! My cousin and I get disgusted at how people dress to a “WEDDING”. It's beyond me why they would come looking like they're about to hang at the park or a homie's spot…..NO…IT'S A WEDDING. If they see the bride and groom coming in dressed up, what makes them any different. I think when I get married I'm going to put “Semi-Casual Dress Code” and “No Tennis Shoes, Flip Flops, or Boots (for the the men)” on the invitation. Why Not???? I know clubs that have dress codes when it comes to footwear for men/women and people abide by that rule, so why should I allow it on my special day. I remember in HS we had a specific dress code for the Fall Homecoming Dance, same as I wrote above, and if you came any different, they didn't let you in. Even if you paid your $35 or more for your ticket.

I know me personally, I've went to 2 weddings and was asked if I was in the wedding because I was “so dressed up”. That's how much of an impression I want to leave on them. Look like you're part of the wedding party!
http://www.nearandfar.wordpress.com This Time Now

@MrsRW
You have a great solution to the problem but I have another solution. If you know people that would wear flip-flops, doo-rags, jeans, and other inappropriate clothes to a wedding, you may need to either get some new friends or not extend an invitation at all or better yet, invite them to another function (bbq) a month or so after the wedding. This is why I'm having a beautiful, small, intimate wedding with ONLY close family members and my dear friends who are all classy.