Is There A Such Thing As “TMI” When You’re Married?
by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Recently, I was brushing my teeth before bed. My husband was already in the bed, half watching me, half watching the TV. As I turned to spit out my toothpaste, I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Oh, Lawd – is that what I look like when I brush my teeth?
For some reason, it just felt incredibly unsexy (although fresh breath is a turn-on!) so since then I’ve been brushing my teeth with the door closed.
It got me thinking about all those things we do that might be considered “TMI” (too much information) or WTC (way too casual). Like peeing while your spouse is in the bathroom. Shaving your armpit hair at the sink. Pooping with the door open. Farting in bed.
While some of that is just nasty (close the door when you poop!), some of it just happens when you get supremely comfortable with each other. But does it erase the “mystery”? Is there any mystery worth keeping once you’ve been married for a while? Is it along the same lines of not “letting yourself go”?
I don’t like for him to see me in rollers, or while washing my face, or with chipped nail polish. He definitely can’t come in the bathroom when I’m using it. Not that I necessarily want him to see me as this dainty little wife…except that I do. I can’t even explain it.
Tell me – am I crazy? Are you all comfortable with anything your husband or wife might do? Is anything still a secret between you two?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
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Comments (28)
I don't know....maybe it's because we've known each other and have been friends since we were 14 *shrugs*. I've never been this "open" or comfortable with myself with anyone else, I dunno. Trust though I am the penultimate girly, girl so I never fear that he won't see me as dainty. He likes seeing the puzzle pieces come together...like the "viola" moment.
I don't think you're crazy by any means, I think it shows that you care what your husband, your life mate thinks of you and how you look in his eyes. I think the worry needs to come when you don't think or stop caring about it period.
No, Tara you are not crazy.
These notions are the "thought garbage" from the June Cleaver-ish ideology of womanhood. I was brought up to think that same way and from time to time still struggle with remnants of this conditioning. I cringed when I read reefinyateef's comment about "dropping bombs".
In a strange way- well its not so strange- knowing that the love is truly unconditional makes it even stronger. I guess the strange part is that even knowing its unconditional, I still don't want to be in the room or have anyone else in the room when bombs are being dropped.
I have met other wives that share your opinion on the rollers, etc, but I never understood why because WE SEE HOW YOU LOOK WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING (as well as how you look after bangin). That should trump everything! :)
http://www.bintentional.com/2010/08/black-marri...
I am so happy that I don't have to worry about my appearance around him..he sees me when I am fly and he sees me when I am a mess.. and I know that he loves me either way. And I love that. Of course, I want to look good for him and I don't plan on letting myself go. But I do not plan on not wearing a scarf or always having my nails a certain way...etc.
Right now I need a relaxer, and he was rubbing my kitchen. Or even worse, he watches me when I am asleep and let's just say drooling ain't pretty. But he loves me anyway. He might joke on me..but he loves me.
Anyway, he saw me give birth to our kids...I really don't think that I am going to be able to do anything that will shock him more than that!!
Although I have a Mom and 2 sisters, and am aware of all the "lady stuff", my wife still keeps the "time of the month" activities to herself. It wouldn't bother me if I accidently caught a glimpse but that's the courtesy she affords me.
Be free, be but courteous. Be courteous because you don't want to give your spouse less respect than you would give a stranger, but be free because your home is where you should be most free and there is a possibility when you are old that you will be handling the most private things for your spouse, like helping them use the bathroom.
A fully healthy couple consists of two persons who are healthy persons if they were by themselves. I very much believe in a shared life--but there needs to be practices of privacy, solitude, independence within the shared life.
When there are babies and small children the couple must find some ways to maintain a moment of space and time for themselves. Likewise, individuals need to keep moments of time/space. That is not locking the other one out of life--but caring for one's own person and granting that to the other.
Now when we first started dating 18 yrs ago I was nothing but a lady(well a super young lady because I was only 13) and as we "grew up" together there were occassion that we had to be in the same space at the same time. Now I do attempt to not pass gas in front of him, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me...lol. I have only moved my bowels once if front of him but I had a stomache virus and he took too long in the shower. He's seen me at my worst and at my best.