by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters
“I have my money. He has his money”
I’m surprised at how commonplace this attitude has become. While united in marriage, some people handle their finances as if they were single. I think this undermines the concept of marriage – the joining of two lives into one. Shouldn’t that include the joining of financial lives as well?
My views concerning marital money matters were formed watching my parents in their 41+ years of marriage. Neither parent made much money. My father worked on the factory floor and held a second job as a janitor. My mother was an administrative assistant. Yet whatever money was brought into the house was “their” money. Separate “his” and “hers” bank accounts would have been out of the question.
It was because of this they were able to do so much with so little. A joint bank account placed the focus on common goals – owning a home, providing us kids with a great education, and being able to take an occasional vacation, all became paramount to my mother’s individual desire for clothes and jewelry or my father’s desire for electronic and fishing gear.
The other advantage that I noticed with combined finances is that it forced each of my parents to make better financial decisions. You tend to make better choices when you understand you’ll have to explain it to your spouse later. In essence your spouse becomes your accountability partner. Some may view this as a loss of freedom, but isn’t true freedom being free of making bad financial decisions?
Now I’m not so naive or dogmatic to believe just because combined finances worked well for my parents that’s the way everyone should act.
Perhaps for some there is merit in having separate finances in marriage. People like Tiger Woods constantly remind us of the prevalence of male infidelity. Could we seriously blame a married women who might want to consider “his” and “hers” finances just in case? How about a spouse who can’t get their mate to save, invest, or act responsibly. Could separate accounts create a means for the financially responsible party to build a solid financial foundation for the family, despite the other spouse’s reckless behavior?
So BMWK family, I ask you. Should couples have joint or separate bank accounts? Is it necessary to combine all your finances when you say “I do”. Should you discuss all your purchases with your spouse? Is there merit in having “his” and “hers” finances?
Over the next few weeks you’ll get great weekly insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com so be sure to check back.
Comments (20)
In most cases your "single" goals are different then your married goals(hot rod in comparison to family vacation) and your lifestyle should reflect that. But maybe that's just me....
I definitely can see your point about having separate joint accounts in case they should be seized by creditors - especially with many people having huge student loans nowadays.
This strategy works very well for us and forces us to be responsible on a personal level, which carries over into our joint finances. We never argue about the pair of shoes or purses I buy or about the electronics he buys because we are free to enjoy the portions of our incomes that are not designated for bills or savings. As we all know, money issues can cause trouble and turbulence in a marriage. Forcing a joint financial arrangement might not be the right thing for your marriage if you are always arguing about who's spending what. Arranging your affairs so that you do not create additional conflict is often the most responsible way to interact. I think that by doing so, you are able to bring out the best in each other and not spend precious time engaged in conflicts that can chip away the moments of peace and joy in your marriage.
I love getting other people's perspectives on issues. I think having other points of views forces allows us to make better decisions. I completely see and respect your point of view.
My question is what happens if God forbids one of you loses a job, gets pregnant, or what if you or your husband decide to stay home to take care of the kids or take care of the parents? What happens to the spouse who then is not working?
1. share, your goals and dreams with me regarding money rather than treat our lives as a business deal
2. you are not afraid to be accountable to me as we make decisions both big and small.
3. you realize that when we got married (unless there is a prenup lol) your debt is my debt and vise versa the sooner we work together the faster it gets paid off.
I have heard many testimonials of how when people came together (Really together) on the money everything else got bigger and better, to me if you can talk about money you can talk about anything. I also believe it doesn't matter if you make 100,000 a year each or 30,000 together, you still need to talk and agree and work together.
My husband and I do have a joint account for 95% of our money, but we also have individual accounts for our 'play' money - it's essentially an allowance. If my husband wants to stop at a bar and get a drink or I want to buy a cute new top, for example, this allows us a bit of freedom. On a whimsical note, it's difficult to surprise your spouse with a gift if you see the money coming out of the joint account! LOL.
I'm not a fan of 'just in case something happens' accounts. Just in case what? It bothers my spirit to go into something as spiritual as a marriage with 'just in case' already brewing in your mental space. But - that's the great thing about marriage - to each his/her own. what works for my household might not work with another.
@Luciennej
I love you idea of having a joint account but setting up an allowance system for personal expenses and wants. It addresses the issue of having joint financial goals while at the same time allowing some flexibility for each of the spouses.
we said i do till death, so why not let ur whole life be married?
also...
re: " I work hard so why can't I enjoy it?" yup - but does that preclude it going into a joint account? aren't you working hard for the family, not just for yourself? shouldn't the lesser earning spouse also reap the benefits of your hard work, just as equally as you since you are now one?
re: "money for surprises" eh, surprises are somewhat overrated. :D lol scrape off the cash over time (plan ahead) or just tell em to not look at the account for a while. hehehehehehe
re: "allowance accounts" also overrated. again, either use cash or set an amount per time-frame and let both parties build trust and respect for one another by honoring that.
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