Spouses at the Class Reunion?
By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Picture this; you are attending an event with a room full of people you don’t know with the exception of your date. This room is filled with people who already have a familiarity with one another and everyone in this room is sharing a story or memory with another person there, all except for you. This event is your spouse’s class reunion. Now you are questioning rather or not you really needed to be there. I have accepted the idea that I may be on an island of one when I say NO to that question, unless of course you and your spouse attended the same school. I recently found myself caught up in a debate with a couple of girlfriends on this very topic. I never can remember how these conversations begin, but I always find myself front and center whenever there’s talk of spouses, marriage and relationships.
The question was “Do you bring your spouse or significant other to your class reunion?” Answers ranged from absolutely to maybe to no. At the class reunion we normally find ourselves catching up with old friends, reminiscing on those good times and sharing what you’ve done since you were in school. Another question becomes, where does a spouse fit into that list of events? Of course we want old friends/classmates to know we married a wonderful person and had beautiful children, but wouldn’t a picture sum that up rather than putting our spouse through a long evening of “baby, this is Tammy, she was a cheerleader, or this is Tony, we were both RAs. Not only am I a spouse who doesn’t think my husband would enjoy tagging along to my class reunion, I am also a spouse who has no interest in attending my husband’s reunion. I am so sure I would be bored to tears and vice versa. During my debate I discovered that certain friends felt that it was a must that they are asked to go as well as be in attendance at their spouse’s/boyfriend’s reunions. They felt it was necessary for them to see what the old crushes and exes looked like and to hear what their spouse was like in school. While I may be a little curious about the exes, there is no need to see them in person. I would expect my husband to go, have a good time, catch up and then fill me in later.
BMWK, what do you say? Is it a must that we take our spouse to the class reunion? Is it wrong if you decide not to?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing, creator of The Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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Comments (39)
Offer to go. Go willingly if asked. Celebrate if you get out of it.
Now I would be fine going with the spouse to a planned event for couples (e.g., a dance), but in general I'm in favor of attending the reunion solo.
It was pretty customary for spouses to attend reunions, especially as the years add on(15, 20, etc.).
I do agree about people trying to hook up with old flames, so if you are not 1000% secure in your relationship, you may need to ward off the hounds. No matter how secure your relationship, know there will be flirting, so get over it.
We had a picnic this weekend for all graduating classes from my high school, and the spouses who came sat in the corner bored or glaring at people. They should have stayed home. It changes the way their partner interacts. They are not as fun or outgoing when they have to babysit a spouse. Learn to entertain yourself for the happiness of your spouse. It's just a weekend!!
I did run into people asking me why I didn't bring my spouse and I know others were asked the same thing. To me, all that matters is that I clearly represented myself as being married.
I think for people who say they want to go see what their SO's exes look like or just to generally check up on their spouses, that's pointless and maybe even a small sign of insecurity. If people go together, great, but it should not be a must. My classmates who did bring significant others were either forced to babysit their spouses or watch their spouse sit in the corner and sulk because he/she didn't know anyone.
Like someone else said earlier, flirting is expected and I can deal with that, cuz I am somewhat of a flirt myself, but I am secure enough to know that I won't do anything and to not expect my spouse to do anything as well.
Peoples' views on this also would be different if the reunioned spouse married their high school sweetheart and then remarried.