No Wedding, No Womb: Where Is That Village?

Parenting

by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on September 22nd, 2010 | 5 comments

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

My wedding consisted of a beautiful church, an awesome Reverend and scripture-based vows. Following the wedding was a beautiful reception, where we danced and celebrated the joy of our union. The two of us had become one in front of all our guests. Our love for one another was put on display and it was beautiful. I was so proud to become a wife. See, my husband and I had become parents one year before our wedding. On our wedding day we made our family official. We gave our little one an opportunity to grow up in a home with a mommy and daddy who loved one another and were husband and wife. Every child deserves such a life. I know, for me personally, I would have really benefited from growing up with my father in my house. There are daily questions little girls have that only daddy can answer. There are certain benefits that a child receives from having both parents under one roof; more confidence, better attitude and better grades etc. More importantly, children need to witness their parents in a loving and healthy relationship, ideally a marriage. A child deserves to be given every opportunity to grow up in a complete and healthy household.

Somehow, we (the village) are numb to this (baby’s momma, baby’s daddy) epidemic. It has cast a shadow over the traditional family from generations past. Our children are growing up in communities where settling for just being a baby’s momma or daddy is the norm. Unfortunately, we are no longer surprised by a single parent family, in fact in some cases it has become an expectation. Why are we so accepting and when did we make this okay? I feel as though we’ve dropped the ball. Have we stopped caring about the families in our communities outside of our own? Our families need tender loving care; they have been neglected. What used to be the pride of our communities has become a stranger in our neighborhoods. That is why No Wedding, No Womb is so critical for a time such as this. Because I have never been one to just complain about an issue, I have to offer up some words of encouragement and solutions. Here is how the village can begin:

Start caring again. Lately, most of us have been in an “as long as I got mine” mode instead of looking out for our young brothers and sisters.
Married folks can mentor to young couples. Share what a good marriage looks like and why you got married. Invite them over and have marriage book clubs, event clubs or even a marriage movie club. And be sure to invite those that are in relationships who could also be heading down the aisle.
People in helping professions, offer free workshops on marriage and parenting in underserved communities. Most libraries offer rooms for free if you are not charging for your event.
Show and tell children that MARRIAGE is the norm. And let’s take these young relationships seriously. Our children are having feelings and desires that we can no longer brush under the table as puppy or teenage love. We cannot be afraid to have these conversations with our young people.
Support, promote and give to the “Marry Your Baby Daddy Day” event. Request that it come to your city. Inquire about this event by visiting http://marryyourbabydaddy.ning.com/ 212-946-5164
Teach our young ladies how to value their bodies and not be afraid of losing a boyfriend because they aren’t ready to share their valuables. Teach them about being selective by making sure whatever young man they date, respects them.
Teach our young boys about growing into responsible men. Teach them the value of saving themselves for marriage.

Starting today, I ask that the village stop pretending this isn’t a problem and we aren’t fed up. Our children are suffering and not being allowed to have the lives they deserve. This is something, collectively, we can do something about. Please join the fight that Mrs. Christelyn Karazin has started by visiting www.noweddingnowomb.com.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F7DQAFCMYDGZWCD3RJ2XOYO2EU HarrietH

I love, love, love all your suggestions, especially #1-3! We all can be doing something, even if it’s making changes within our own mindsets. Great article, Tiya!
Tiya

Thanks Harriet!
http://www.happyhomebakery.com mochazina

1, 2, 6, & 7 are soooo simple, yet often overlooked! Great article, because we surely can do better as a village.

Tiya

Thanks Mochazina!

Nedheadz

Love the ideas you’re putting out there and the discussions of family that I’m seeing emerge. My only concern is this notion of we as a ‘village’….in my opinion, it’s this idea that has led to much of the erosion of traditional married families. I teach in a small urban school and it’s been a crazy experience watching the eruption of teen pregnancies and dealing with children w/ broken families or this is my sister we have the same dad, but different mums etc. etc. As government is getting more invovled in our personal lives there’s been an explosion of teen pregnancy in our school; some girls have 2 and 3 children often to different boys and no incentive to get married, get educated or get in control of their futures…
Thank you for your beginning efforts in starting the dialogue it’s a great start!