No Wedding, No Womb: Getting Dads At The Table

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

Whenever I go out to a restaurant, I see hoards of moms with their kids. Sometimes they will be with another mom (friend or family member) and her kids. Groups and groups of women with children – with no men in sight.

As I watch them, I often wonder what the fathers are doing. Are they involved in their kids’ lives? Are they just at home, resting after a long week at work? Are they playing poker with the guys?

But more than likely, I know what they’re doing. They’re out living their lives, unconcerned with what meal their kid is going to eat or who’s going to wash their clothes when they inevitably spill spaghetti sauce on it.

How did this happen? When did become acceptable for men to be a sometime Daddy or all too often, a no-time Daddy? How can we, as women, change this?

I know it doesn’t always work out. I know relationships can be difficult. Sometimes the person you fall in love with becomes someone you can’t stand.

But I’m talking about those people who have sex carelessly. Who see someone who excites their bodies before they even can guess how much they stimulate their brain.

I’m talking about those who pursue sex without remembering that SEX CREATES BABIES. That is the ultimate purpose.

When you lay down with someone, assume you will get pregnant. Would you want to have kids with him? If you don’t know yet, don’t have sex with him. If you decide the answer is “No,” then DO NOT have sex with him.

Making babies without the security of a two-parent relationship (married or otherwise) creates diffcult circumstances for all involved. It’s not fair to the mother, who inevitably has to shoulder the burden of childrearing, a job that’s made for two people. It’s not fair to the child, who wonders what they did to make their dad leave or how could they possibly be so unlovable. But guess what? It’s also not fair to the father, who is missing out on one of the greatest joys in life – being a dad.

There’s a reason why it takes two people to create a child – because it takes two people to raise one. I’m sorry – there is no reason why so many single mothers should be forced to do everything. No good reason. Yes, I know there are a lot of single mothers who view their status as empowering. What others achieve with two people, she does by herself and there’s a sense of accomplishment there.

But I ask, doesn’t the mother deserve a break? Doesn’t she deserve to sleep in on Saturdays or relax while the child’s father takes the kids to the park? Getting back to the beginning of the post, doesn’t she deserve to eat her food at a leisurely pace while Daddy cuts up the little one’s food?

The biggest question of all: How are we supposed to EXPECT even AVERAGE parenting when a single person is relegated to a 24/7/365 job with little-to-no encouragement or celebration? Being a single mom is no joke.

I’m writing this on behalf of a movement. No Wedding, No Womb is a movement to embrace two-parent families. Is it a push for everyone to get married? No. But it is a push to get everyone on the same page and that page states that the mother and father must be “married” to the idea that they need to work together to provide the most secure, loving environment for that child to thrive.

Check out the website at www.noweddingnowomb.com to join the movement. Let’s get more dads at the table.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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