Teach Your Kids What Love Looks Like

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I fumbled a lot during the first few years of my marriage. I was constantly second-guessing what kind of wife and mother I wanted to be. I’d switch from the “I’ll take care of whatever you need before you realize you need it” type to the “Maybe a little independence is better for you” mindset. And then I’d switch again.

I had witnessed the family dynamic between my parents growing up, but I never had either of them sit me down and help me make sense of what marriage really is. I know they loved each other, but they never spoke it out loud to me and my two sisters.

I had a solid example of a loving marrage, so I knew I wanted to get married, but once that happened, it was like, “Now what?” I want my kids to know the pros and cons of marriage, but also know what’s next after they jump the broom.

1) I kiss my husband in front of our kids. They ask me, “Why are you kissing Daddy?” “Because I love him,” I say and they kind of roll their eyes before they scamper away. But I hope their little ears are really soaking up what I’m trying to say to them.

2) When we’re getting ready to leave for our date night and they’re still in the living room with the babysitter (read: Auntie), they ask where we’re going. “Daddy’s taking Mommy on a date,” I say. “Can we come?” they ask. Well, not really asking because they’re running to grab their shoes. “No, because this is time for us to talk to each other and spend time together, just us two.” They kiss us good-bye and then go play with Auntie as we head out for dinner with a tantrum-free exit.

3) If their dad has to work late, I’ll make dinner and put his plate in the microwave. “Daddy can’t eat dinner if it’s in the microwave!” they laugh. “I put Daddy’s plate in the microwave so he can heat it up when he gets home,” I say. “I know he’ll be hungry, so we have to take care of Daddy, right?” “Right,” they say, and they fight over who gets to tell him we made him dinner when he gets home.

I know these little small acts won’t completely eliminate any confusion when they get married. I know they’ll still have questions. But at least I know I will have begun the conversation about what a good marriage is and how to get one for yourself.

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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