The Craziest Relationship Advice You’ve Ever Heard

BY: - 29 Sep '10 | Relationships

Share this article!

default_thumb

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

Our family and friends love us right? Well, sometimes their quest for wanting what is best for us can be a little clouded and biased by their life’s experiences, which don’t necessarily mirror ours. That’s why it is important for us to distinguish between the good advice and the bad, no matter which loving relative’s mouth it may come.

This, I learned early on, thankfully.  Because I love my husband so much, it makes it easier to compromise when I have to and easier to consider his feelings first. I love him as much as he loves me, which is a contradiction to some relationship forewarning I received before I said “I do”. I was told to make sure I marry someone who loves me more than I love him. Although I neglected to ask at the time, I did wonder why and what good that would do. It seemed like I would be getting the short end of that stick. While he’s happy, in love and crazy about me, I would just feel mediocre about him. What type of relationship is that? I knew it wasn’t going to work for me. I can’t recall what woman gave me the advice but I assume it was something that worked for her and more than likely was something she had learned from a previous relationship. I wonder if she loved too hard before and the feelings weren’t reciprocated which resulted in a broken heart. As I was reminiscing on the counsel I received over the years, I did a small poll of a few close friends on the craziest advice they had ever been given and here is a little of what I heard.

“Don’t go to bed angry” is one I have heard personally a thousand times and while it makes sense to me, my close friend says it is the craziest to her. She is finding that this is pretty much impossible to do. I think the assumption with this one is that whatever the issue may be it has to be resolved by bed time, which isn’t very realistic in all instances. We are going to disagree and sometimes we have to just accept that, kiss and move on.

“Men will be men so women should cheat first so that it doesn’t hurt that bad when the time comes and we find out the man cheated” was a little shocking for me. My friend was pretty stunned by this advice as well and thankfully will not be applying this one to her marriage.

“Women must always serve their man and make sure they eat first” wasn’t actually advice, but more so a tradition one friend noticed in her family;  A tradition, by the way, that won’t always work in her marriage. She feels that “serving” should be done by both husband and wife.

“Treat a lady like a lady, let a H*e be a H*e and don’t give a B****h an inch” is a quote that a male friend was given about how to treat women when he was a teenager.  He didn’t say if he used the advice at the time, but thought it was pretty crazy looking back on it.  And this piece of information had come from his relative who had been hurt before.

I have learned that bad advice normally comes from hurt people. Those hurt people don’t mean to hurt us; their thought is to protect us. I get that. But I know I have to be wise about what I listen to. I know me, my husband and our relationship, so I have to do what is best for us.

BMWK, what is the craziest relationship advice you have ever received?

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 363 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

16 WordPress comments on “The Craziest Relationship Advice You’ve Ever Heard

  1. Pullbackyourex

    “Men will be men so women should cheat first so that it doesnt hurt that bad when the time comes and we find out the man cheated”

    This is the worst piece of advice I have ever heard for relationships!

    Reply
  2. Maria Jonas

    “You have to make sure a guy doesn’t smoke, drink or cuss to have a perfect relationship.” I’ve been told this by many people, and it hasn’t worked yet… for them either…

    Reply
  3. HarrietH

    I’ve received bad advice more by action than words. . .a pastor telling my husband one thing in my presence, but the opposite when they were one on one.

    Either way, this is my take on bad marital advice. MISERY LOVES COMPANY. If it’s not working for them, it’s not going to work for you, so why join the ranks of those with failing marriages that aren’t even attempting to make them work? No thanks!

    Reply
  4. DCDivaCB

    Funny how most of the people that give such horrible advice aren’t in a well-functioning relationship themselves! The best advice I would ever give anybody (and I’m not married but in a health relationship) is to think about yourself and your mate and decide on what you want to happen before talking to outsiders. They cloud your judgement and make it harder for you to hear your inner voice.

    Reply
  5. Spenseravery

    “Look at her shoes”. From 3/4 of my uncles on my Mothers side. Then My Grandfather on my Fathers side.

    -if there run-over, worn down or jack-up. Run Fast!
    -she constantly wears VERY expensive footwear, YOU will soon B footing the bill.
    -never let’s you see her feet? She’s hiding more than just corns & bunions.

    I do have to say. I have followed this advice AFTER 1st ignoring it.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    Unless you are dating the SAME person who is giving you the advice is dating, I would advise taking it with caution. I will offer this advice to everyone, WHAT WORKS FOR PETER MAY NOT WORK FOR PAUL. The only third party you need in your relationship is Jesus, so keep Pookie and Mama dem at bay. Just saying.

    Reply
  7. Christina

    One of my fellow church members told me “Always make sure your husband loves you more than you love him. That what you know he’ll stay and do anything for you.” I just gave her a blank stare….

    Reply
  8. Babington

    I’m not sure if this was advice but more a warning:

    “It’s not IF he will cheat, but WHEN”

    I was like “WHAT??” This was from a group of women where everyone was cheated on…. What a downer!!

    Reply
  9. mochazina

    This one may be a lil touchy for a lot of women, but the worst advice I ever got was to keep a separate bank account that he knows nothing about. To me it just screamed I DON’T TRUST HIM!! But only recently did I find out that the person who told me this years ago was once in a marriage where the man had a bad habit of clearing out the bank account without warning for personal funtime, leaving her in a bind when it came to necessities.
    Totally agree that bad advice comes from those who have been hurt.

    Reply
  10. Pingback: Relationship advise – YouTube – Gay Relationship Advice

Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>