Getting Over The “How It Used To Be Blues”
How It Used To Be… LOL
by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Flipping through an photo album last week had me taking a trip down memory lane.
I was thinking about how often we used to go on dates. We used to plan out dates weeks in advance, buying new outfits and clearing our schedule for the rest of the weekend. My husband used to spend days scouring Ticketmaster.com for new events, and I always kept an eye out for new restaurants or movies we needed to check out.
Since we didn’t have any kids and we were both in college, we had a lot of free time just to BE together, to just enjoy each other and drink up every free moment together.
Fast forward six years and two kids later and our lives resemble nothing like it did when our foursome was just a twosome. We’re busy alright, but we’re busy racing to and from daycare and rushing to get laundry done so the kids will have something to wear to school.
We still date, sure, but mainly if someone (read: Auntie) is available. If so, we hop in the car and figure out what we’re doing on the way there.
It took me a while to get comfortable with the idea that this – the world in which our love needed to expand to encompass the lives of our two little ones – was our new normal. It would never be just me and my husband again. Even when the kids grow up and move out, a part of our heart will always be with them.
But I’ve made the adjustment and I no longer suffer from the “how it used to be blues.” How did I pull myself out?
1) I learned to focus on the growth and not the starting point. Sure, I might miss being able to sleep in and spend a leisurely Saturday with my husband, but over the past six years, we have grown so much as a couple. We fit together like two puzzle pieces and I know much of that growth is because we became parents.
2) I realized that we’ve designed a life that works for us. We make adjustments where necessary (like the mandatory date nights) to make sure we don’t lose what makes us “us.” We always keep our relationship top of mind, so even if things don’t look or feel the same on the surface, I know that the core of our union is solid.
3) I fell in love with the everyday. I used to struggle to find the joy in life when one of my kids was in the midst of a tantrum, or if they pushed away the plate full of food that I spent all day cooking. But now? The stress rolls off my back because I realize that this life is the only one I’ve got and I refuse to live it in a state of annoyance. So when my kids are being kids, or I’m frustrated with a traffic jam during my commute to work, I take it in stride.
BMWK family, how have you kicked the “how it used to be blues” to the curb?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
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