Money Monday: Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Money?

Money

by Lamar Tyler | on November 1st, 2010 | 3 comments

by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters

Riding the subway I couldn’t help but listen to the young sister next to me let all her business hang out. Yes the whole train became privy to her sexual exploits, family conflicts and the other very personal aspects of her life – how could we have missed it the way she screamed into her cellphone.

Yet there’s one thing I hardly ever hear discussed in the open – our problems handling money. We’ll debate politics until we’re blue in the face. Talk forever about the fate of LeBron James and the Miami Heat. Perform a complete play by play recount of our conniving co-working or present an in depth psychoanalysis of our crazy boss. Heck we’ll even discuss the romantic misadventures of friends and loved ones.

But in the age of cellphones, Facebook, and twitter where we reveal more personal information than ever before, the one thing we’re reluctant to talk about is money. You’ll rarely overhear anyone discussing their enormous debt, their silly purchases, or their struggles to make ends meet.

Discussing money has become the ultimate taboo, less talked about than even sex. Our country teaches us to feel inadequate if we’re not financially successful, rolling in the dough. Admitting you have problems with money has become the ultimate sign of failure. It’s as if we’re supposed to know from birth how to successfully manage the dollars.

So we suffer in silence, with the same struggles, problems, doubts and fears – keeping up appearances but drowning under the weight of financial mismanagement. The mistakes of our family members, friends, and co-workers unnecessarily repeated over and over again.

I can’t but help notice the irony of the situation. We all have trouble dealing with money, but instead of learning from one another and helping each other, we put on a false face and pretend everything is alright. The money taboo builds walls to the meaningful discussions that could set us free.

Some are tackling this issue head on. The most famous example is the Smart Cookies money club featured on the Oprah show. Meeting once a week, these ladies discuss and lay bare every aspect of their financial lives from their fears and mistakes to their challenges and successes. The group serves as a place where they can help each other identify destructive money patterns and work together to help eliminate them. It serves as an intimate learning laboratory.

The Women’s Institute for Financial Education (link: http://www.moneyclubs.com/moneyclub.guide.htm) has been influential in helping people set up their own money clubs. Of course these clubs require a lot of trust and honesty. Admitting you have trouble managing your money is not for the faint of heart. But the payoffs can be enormous as a means for finally getting your financial life in order.

BMWK, What prevents you from discussing money issues with others? Do you think money clubs would work in the Black community?

Every Monday you can find great insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com here on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://divinedebtfreedom.blogspot.com Divine & Debt Free

I think its because we already get judged for so many other things, why add the list? education, skin tone, whether you had two parents or one, where you grew up the hood or the burbs ect…..If its one thing we think we have control over is what people say about our “Status” we can look a certain way and no one will have a clue. I guess we figure by the time we are old the less important it will be because we will all end up in a nursing home or on medicaid anyways when its over.

we try to make being irresponsible spiritual too “Jesus said don’t worry about tomorrow so i don’t” or don’t worship money is a popular one.

I personally want to leave a legacy to my children so I don’t care about impressing people now. I also want to be a stay at home mom and that will depend on how me and my future spouse handle money. I woke out of my financial coma when I started to have thoughts of suicide because of all my debt. When I came too and got knowledge and realized I could get out of it without having to file bankrupt I was all game. Hard work dedication just like college it doesn’t happen over night.
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Anna

Great post. @ Divine, some don’t like to talk about money because they once had it and had to down size, or know how stupid it is to struggle but will stand in line to buy a new pair of Jordans for her kid(s)knowing the money should be used for a bill. Some don’t want to talk about it, because they don’t want unsolicited advice on how they should spend it.
A money club is not going to work. Let’s face it, most ppl don’t want other ppl in their business when it comes to their finances. It’s a taboo/shame factor.(as mentioned). Most stories I see on tv or read online, many ppl did not know they even had resourses to go to before their homes or vehicles were reposessed. Yes when it comes to “money” some don’t have a clue. I give less money at church, but have contributed more moneyin my IRA, Does it mean I am going to hell if I choose where my money gets disbursted???