BMWK POLL: Do You Think Marriage Is Becoming Obsolete?

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by Lamar Tyler | on November 18th, 2010 | 17 comments

[poll id="29"]

Following the heels of a new poll by the Pew Research Center we’ve decided to conduct our own. Their poll used 2,691 people and declared that 4 out of 10 Americans believe that marriage is obsolete. Well we’re bringing it to the people to ask you what you think. Cast your vote then let us know what you think in the comments section.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Demoshe-Dodge/100001014084305 Demoshe Dodge

smdh
SocGrad

Asking this on a pro-marriage site is going to introduce what we like to refer to as “sampling bias”…
Hubbardletha

Yes, most people and said to say christian people are trying to make it come obselete. More christian need to stay together and work on marriages and that would give the world a good example as to what God ordained is holy and marriages should be worked out and shown with unconditional love.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

Do you really think the initial study wasn’t flawed? A sample of only 2600 people via phone and text messaging…

http://mommy-daddyphd.blogspot.com Bryan

Whoa! Be careful with the false information. Pew Research Center is a highly reputable, non partisan research firm. I’ve read the entire study and they utilized standard research methods. They conducted landline and cell phone calls, not text messaging. Any good scientist will tell you 2600 is more than enough, plus it allows us to look at racial differences. Even though you don’t like the results, the study is good.

http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

I still don’t agree. So sorry I mispoke instead of text messages they were all phone calls

What the survey also says is that they oversampled by using divorcees with kids, single parents and couples that cohabitate with kids. How do you think that demo would view marriage in general?

I wrote my response article today and the point is the survey was flawed and even if you think that it wasn’t it they came back with a bunch of good results that favored marriage and they were all left out of the media coverage.

http://www.BeautifyingHEARTS.com LoveUnityNus

What do you think are the main causes for ” 4 in 10 belief, that MARRIAGE is becoming OBSOLETE” and what can we do to fix it.

MAJOR Cause
1. Forgetting that in a MARRIAGE it’s “Us”, “WE” and “Our”…, NOT ‘me’, ‘myself’ and ‘I’. SELFISHNESS – concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself
2. Misunderstanding the IMPORTANCE of considering the value of UNITY, in a Marriage. COHESIVENESS – the act or state of sticking together tightly
3. Misinterpreting what GOD mean…, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. TOGETHER – into agreement or harmony

Repairing the damage
1. Follow GOD’s order for Marriage: Come together as ONE !!!
2. Make DECISIONS together, based on what is in the best interest of the MARRIAGE !!!
3. Always VALUE, APPRECIATE and LOVE the gift in one another given to “YOU” by and from GOD !!!

I think…, that MANY may want to water down what GOD ordained for Marriage, but GOD’s word is more POWERFUL !!!
Tnjones2

The question isn’t asking what we thinking personally (I interpret) but moreso as a society. With that perspective in mind – YES! Sad to admit it and as a grateful married woman, I would struggle even more with it’s relevance today if I weren’t knowledgeable, dependent and accepting (faithful) to God and His word (instruction and promises). It’s a very unfortunately realistic and relevant question for our time. -Jonesi
Tnjones2

The question isn’t asking what we thinking personally (I interpret) but moreso as a society. With that perspective in mind – YES! Sad to admit it and as a grateful married woman, I would struggle even more with it’s relevance today if I weren’t knowledgeable, dependent and accepting (faithful) to God and His word (instruction and promises). It’s a very unfortunately realistic and relevant question for our time. -Jonesi
SocGrad

That will still be far more people, and a much more dispersed sample than this poll will be. It would be like going to church and asking if God was still relevant.

Pointing out that the original poll may be flawed is a logical fallacy. That is totally irrelevant to the whether this one is flawed or not.
KeepinIt100

This question amuses me coming from this site. Black folks are one of the most religious groups in America, and have the lowest rates of marriage, and the highest rates of out of wedlock kids. How do we explain that? If anyone is trying to prove that marriage is obsolete and irrelevant, it is US!
Anna

70 % of babies born are born to single black mothers.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I have 5 siblings and either we are married or have been married, and 1/3 of my kids is married. Not sure why ppl are allergic to marriage, it’s a wonderful thing. Many ppl don’t get married because they don’t have any examples, it’s acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock and just shack up. It’s easy to walk away from a relationship vs being married. Some ppl are still saving up(many yrs. later after shacking up)to pay for a extravagant wedding when it’s only an event, but think a Justice Of The Peace is not good enough. There are many benefits of being married, i.e. Having someone to grow old with. Cheaper car insurance, going to the voting polls w/your spouse Marriage is far from a “four letter word”. Some ppl are just afraid of commitment. Living together to me is a commitment of not wanting to marry. Everyone is not marriage material, I do understand that. To anyone who has never been married, I say don’t make excuses if you have never been married. It’s like those who complain about are economy but don’t get out and vote. Yes 50% of marriages do end in divorce, what makes you think you will be that 50%? If ppl work as hard on their marriage as they do making money, marriage would not be considered “Obsolete”, but a welcomed Journey in ones life.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

That was the entire point of me making this poll. We’re one of the largest marriage sites on the web. When we put up a poll on marriage we anticipate the numbers will fall in our favor.

This isn’t a scientific study it’s a blog. They did the scientific study and it was still flawed. The media is running rampant off of a poll given to less than 3000 people with headlines that read this is what “Americans” think. Since when have 2600 people represented America? Like Gwen said in our original USA Today post her high school had more people than that. C’mon.
TheMrs

My mother is 1 of 12 children, 10 of the 12 have been married, 2 of those have never been divorced (my mother and 1 sister but the sister was separated for about 5ish yrs at the time of her death), and out of the 9 with children only 3 have all of their kids with their husband. My father is 1 of 6 kids(1 sister died early in her marriage), all have been married, and only 2 have longstanding marriages (my father and 1 brother both married around 40 yrs). Needless to say I had alot of examples to base my own marriage on. My husbands grandparents (both sets) were married for many years while their children had several marriages that failed during his upbringing as well as his older cousins(minimum 10-15 yrs his senior) who never married/shacked up/marriages failed/etc. as examples on relationships. These very different examples of relationships have effected our relationship over the nearly 2 decades we have been together.
My baby brother has been married just over a yr and my advice to him in the past as well as my advice today has always been to mind who you take marital advice from when they are not the professionals. Don’t throw your hands up and be ready to leave at the first sign of a problem. While you were just dating is when you have the option to leave, when you stand before God and your family and friends to make those vows you told everyone that you would do whatever it takes to make this union work. Yes divorce is available but don’t make it an option unless there is abuse or infidelity.
TheMrs

70% of babies born to single black mothers…not sure of where you got this figure(not doubting it) but curious if they also break down ages. I don’t expect a 15 yr old to be married, also curious if they follow any of these “statistics” to see what happened when they were old enough to marry.
Some of my children’s peers have been completely shocked and not believing that all 5 have the same father, that mom and dad are together, etc. Such a great contrast to when I was their age and it was the norm for the parents to be together. What has happened that has caused this great change(I’m in my early 30′s) in such a short time?
http://mommy-daddyphd.blogspot.com Bryan

This is directly from the AP story that set off the firestorm of coverage:

“Still, the study indicates that marriage isn’t going to disappear anytime soon. Despite a growing view that marriage may not be necessary, 67 percent of Americans were upbeat about the future of marriage and family. That’s higher than their optimism for the nation’s educational system (50 percent), economy (46 percent) or its morals and ethics (41 percent).

And about half of all currently unmarried adults, 46 percent, say they want to get married. Among those unmarried who are living with a partner, the share rises to 64 percent.

Other findings:

-About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn’t make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling.

-About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage.”

-About 62 percent say that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. That’s up from 48 percent who held that view in 1977.”

All of these numbers seem positive and fine to me. We both know that a headline of “6 out of 10 don’t believe marriage is obsolete” will not generate any buzz. Of course that’s why they wrote the headline the way they did. There are two issues here 1. The study itself 2. The coverage of the study. If your problem is with the study, then I can’t help you. That was a good research based, methodologically sound survey and most college professors would agree with me. If your issue is with the coverage, then yeah I’m on board. The headline is sensationalized, but the article itself is fairly balanced. It includes not just information from the study, but also Census data. My take on it is that it is asking the question, do we need to redefine what a family is and is marriage a critical part of that conversation.
Gwj2000

Based on what i am replying to, this cannot be defined as a poll, and more like, “how many people who visit the site think like the rest of us”.

You’re right by stating it’s not a poll but a blog. So why pose the question? I am a supporter of marriage, I am married with kids, but I also believe from a societal perspective, the American marriage model is outdated and needs a fresh, honest coat of new 21st century reality.